How To Quickly Explain My History

So, I am trying not to isolate so much. One thing I am considering is joining some group bike rides here in town. I am a pretty good little rider for my stage of life. But what I am most concerned about is meeting new people. Everyone always wants to know "what you do," so they can put you in a slot. How on earth do we answer that question without lying?

A: "Well, I was in healthcare, then had a catastrophic mental illness and spent 8 trillion billion years in the hospital because I am basically crazy. I struggle a lot with psychosis and SI and am about to start an insanely dangerous, last-ditch med, because it is that bad. BTW--do you think that car over there belongs to the CIA? I do."

That doesn't sound so reassuring to the new person.

A: "I am retired from healthcare."

F/U Q: "You seem kinda young to be retired."

A: Silence.

I mean, I need some help here. What do I say to these "normal" people?

My dad retired at 55 from a labor type job because he had saved well and needed a break physically just say I planned well and retired early...

Q:You seem kind of young to be retired?

A:Yes I am. I am fortunate to be able to.

Q: How were you able to retire so young ?? A: Brown bag meals and free old stale coffee lol

Then you ask .... so what type of work do you do ?? ( most people like to talk about themselves)

I certainly agree that the above statements about retirement would be just fine, albeit slight lies. My father retired at about 56 years old. For real. Lucky lucky him, huh?

I am not in my 50s yet. There have been times when I was honest but didn't elaborate, times when I slightly lied, and times when I went with something that was not a lie at all, but rather a strategic rewording...then felt perfectly free to talk their ears off. One can also always say "It's the weekend. The last thing I want to think about is a job! Can we talk about our love of biking?"

Actually, I hate to say it, but very often (even in 2020) when I'm with my husband at a party with strangers, he is asked what HE does, and I'm not even asked. I've found this to even be the case where some women ask him and don't ask me, as another woman. Sad, especially since my old career job was higher level than my husband's current one, and this is far from the case with couples in this day and age.

As an example of strategic rewording of a true response:

Answer: Instead of saying "I used to be a Manager in Marketing & Sales departments", it is easy enough to say "My career has mostly been in management in Sales and Marketing."

Response: Usually they drop it at that, or ask "What company?" or "Where do you work?"

Answer: "I've worked at Joe Blow's Puppets Incorporated"

Response: "Oh, I've heard of that company. How many puppets per year do they sell?"

Answer: [I can talk their ears off until they no longer want to hear about puppets and marketing strategies relating to the puppet industry ever again. Or, the subject thankfully gets changed soon after. Then I start talking about my love for French cuisine and my recent trip to Costa Rica, etc. Or, they start bragging or enthusiastically talking about something, and/or I ask them questions. Or, one of us goes to get another drink. Or if you're riding bikes, speed past them for a bit. They'll hopefully forget about the conversation, unless they, too, really like puppets or French cuisine.]

I am lucky that I do have a heck of lot I can talk about that stems from my old job, and other experiences. I did a fair amount of domestic travel as part of it. I also traveled to Taiwan, as well, and worked with the China P.R.C. market. I lived in Taiwan in the past, and traveled extensively in a couple other Asian countries and throughout Europe. It has been a bit difficult with some people at neighbors' parties. Where I live, there are some hot shots in the pharmaceutical industries who make big money and are not shy about bragging. I don't like bragging, but I manage to hold my own in various conversations. Also, sometimes such "big shots" only really know their jobs, and little else.

I adore my psychiatrist, but he's an older gentleman and I know he routinely asks new patients "What did/does you father do?" Again, he less often asks about the mother. I think such questions are dying down with the younger generations. I actually told him that once. Honestly, it wouldn't be a bad idea if younger folks simply answered "I work my butt off to pay off my college loans!" or "I'm working to fight off the hard knocks of life."

I just read Christina's response. Yes, a comedic approach can sometimes be a good one.

Perhaps you could say you used to work in healthcare, but stopped for health related reasons. You could say you got sick and would rather not discuss in detail if they continue to ask questions. Or you could say after years of working such a demanding job your mind and body needed a break or something. I think most people would respect that, since many people don't want to go into detail about their health with people they don't know too well. They don't have to know it was mental health specifically or all the details. You could even just leave it at you stopped/retired early for personal reasons.

I say i work for CSIS (the Canadian intelligence agency) so i can't talk about my job! Haha! Seriously, i am 53 and i just say i am retired. Mostly people just ask how i like it. A couple times people asked how long it's been and i just said a while now and they dropped it. It was a problem when i was in my thirties and forties but now that i'm in my fifties it's a lot easier.

This kept me away from church for years (along with other stuff). My therapist and I worked for months on going to a small group through a church and this fall a new church started here and I not only am in a small group I go to church.

People ask what I do and I just say "I'm an occupational therapist but I'm disabled" They always change the subject fast or talk to me about how OT has been involved in their lives.

I'm surprised at how it has not been as uncomfortable as I expected.

One of my favorite answers for when people ask me "what to you do? " is " I like to watch TV "
Another line that I like to use is " I am a free lance, self employed bargain hunter/gatherer.
There is some truth in that as I also have a bike with saddle bags on the back, and I like to take morning rides around to some of the stores and look for different food items that are on sale. That adds meaning and purpose to my life.
I try not to worry too much about what other people think about me because I figured out when I did that, other people where actually running my life for me.
If, however you are trying to find a significant other, you need to create some kind of a persona if you want to play that game. Personally, I found if I lowered my standards and found some one else that didn't have real high standards that we could find a mutually satisfying relationship together. I lucked out there.
Sometimes I will tell people," I don't work. My wife works. I am a stay at home husband. "

Keep it simple. You're retired from healthcare. Any follow-up questions, just keep it simple. As a recovering over-sharer (except on PC..heh heh), I am tight lipped with everyone until I get a sign from them, that i can open up more about myself. But, there's always that risk that they still reject my friendship anyway.

Also, most people love to talk about themselves. Dale Carnegie said, "Talk to someone about themselves and they'll listen for hours." So, you can always deflect away any uncomfortable personal questions with a random comment or question about something that person told you, or about pop culture, music, sports, or whatever. Talk about cycling.

You have a lot to offer people. I can't use a platitude right now or I will barf on my computer screen. So, I'll just say to trust yourself. If you trust yourself, you will be ok. People take their social cues from others. So, if you come across as your true self -- relaxed, funny, engaging then these guys in these cycle clubs will see that you are someone they can feel comfortable around.

edit to add: Humor is a huge ice breaker. If you show that you have a sense of humor about your bipolar disorder (when the subject eventually comes up in conversation), that will immediately diffuse any awkwardness for the guys listening to you share your story. Humor works magic like that. Always make a joke first. That puts people at ease.

Ha!! Having a very hard day here and you made me laugh. I never laugh. Thank you!

You're right--turn it around. People do always want to talk about themselves. Did not even think of that. Does that mean I'm a narcissist now, too?

BD, this is some really good stuff. Thank you so much. I have also traveled quite a bit and, in the last ten years, I really sort of had 2 job. One, my practice, was based here in town. I worry about that because Portland, though about 3 million folks, is really at heart a small town where lots of people know people who know people... I worry about that. The other, much "bigger" job economically for me, was based in San Francisco and no one up here knows anything about that company. I could just go on and on about my time with them. That, I am very comfortable doing because it is all true.

Thank you so much!!!!

Okay, that makes me feel better--we're about the same age.

Aw, thanks , Blanche. You're the best.

Say you arent working because of health issues

Glad you got a laugh

Lol no not a Narcissist at all

I hope you had a better day!
bizi

I'm a little older than some of you (61) and I've been telling people for years that I'm a retired nurse. No one has ever questioned me about it, and when they want to know what kind of career I had, I jump right in and tell them all the things I got to do as an RN. There's plenty to discuss along those lines, and it gets me past the awkward-silence phase when the next question is "How were you able to retire so young (at 55)?"

I've been thinking about this thread for 3 days and really trying to come up with a good answer. All I can think of is to tell them you've retired from running the roller coaster at a carnival on the east coast.