[Fuzzybear]

I'm wondering if people would find anger from a therapist acceptable? This was one of the things that put me off T2, having been shamed, bullied and rejected by T1, T2 said how ''anger is a part of relationships''

I wonder if T1 had NPD and BPD. He seemed to show traits, especially of NPD.

In a link someone sent me, it suggested only consulting a therapist who has been practicing for 10 years or more. I did not

I feel more anxious than I thought I would even contemplating consulting a T again. Grrr at me. But since I was traumatised (I could write a book on it but would rather ''forget'' it ) maybe that is not altogether ''abnormal''

I find it scary that a therapist turned into almost a different person after 3 years.

I have even considered moving locations as I'm not optimistic about how (some?) therapists seem to be trained in this forest.

Maybe I could try an online therapist (but probably not now). That wouldn't be quite as scary for me. Has anyone tried online therapy? (Sorry if I am starting ''too many'' threads. A friend of mine who lives in the same forest was told by a therapist they were ''too much'' I was told similar. )

I can't believe how I let that person wipe his feet on me grrrr. I wonder if I was angry when he was angry with me but have forgotten.

It was hard for me to cry in therapy. It still might be.

A different therapist was civil but did not offer me therapy, giving me the reason that ''uncovering'' things might not be helpful. Ugh. It seems all wrong. Aren't therapists supposed to help the client develop more ''coping skills'' so that uncovering and trauma work can be done without the client becoming overwhelmed. I'm confused by these people. Sigh. Sorry about the rant.

I posted in the physical check in thread but deleted it. Feeling like deleting this too, maybe that shows I ''should'' post it? idk..

Respect to all here

[Moose72]

There are good and bad professionals- whether it be a paster or a t or your primary doctor.... I could go on. Some Ts are just bad at their jobs. You'd think they would realize what an effect they have on a lot of times very vunerable people.

Hi Fuzzybear. It's hard for me to say if certain expressions of anger from therapists or psychiatrists are right or wrong. I guess it really depends, but certainly if receiving anger triggers you, that's a big deal! Perhaps it could be helpful for you to take note of the negative triggers you've received from past therapists and share that information with any new therapist in the future. It might be a good early subject of discussion.

Maybe somebody may not understand why I wrote "it really depends"? The truth is, for some people anger responses could be a catalyst for some helpful reaction. Some of us are more tolerant of such responses than others. Some of us need that flavor of "jolt", in a sense, while it hurts others. I've been at the receiving end of angry responses from a couple tdocs and pdoc. I have a bit of a temper, myself. Everyone in my family does. Eek!

[fern46]

Anger is tricky. I tend to view it much like BirdDancer described. It depends on the variables involved and the result it achieved. I feel there are perhaps more evolved emotions to leverage as catalysts, but anger can certainly be effective.

Therapists are humans like we are and they fail a lot. In their defense their job is like walking constantly through a field of land mines except everyone's looks completely different. That's hard work... I think it is a give and take and an open heart is as important as an open mind. It sounds as if the open heart wasn't really there for some of the therapists you mentioned. That's a shame for sure.

I can also see the point of the therapist that suggested uncovering things might be harmful, but I think that leaves a person limited without genuine healing. I agree that perspective offered to you was confusing. In my mind the point of employing a therapist is to have a guide to walk you through the uncovering in a way that might be painful, but generates healing. Or in my case I have often leveraged my therapist to discuss the discoveries and revelations I've uncovered on my own. She has helped me look at them from various angles and I've been able to find deeper meaning as a result. I've been my own tour guide and she's like the good friend I share all of my adventures with. All kinds of models can work.

Fuzzy, what characteristics does the ideal therapist hold for you? What kind of temperment do they keep? What kinds of therapy do they offer? Do they push you, or let you explore on your own? How do you feel when you're there?

You don't need to reply with any of that. I'm just curious if you've had time to visualize what a healthy therapy experience would feel like for you. I think it is possible to find it in any forest online, in your home forest or otherwise but you need to know what it feels like so you recognize it when it comes along. You're definitely in tune with what you don't want. I think that's a superb start!

Anyone you work with is a teammate. If they aren't meeting your expectations you have every right to question the path you're on and seek an adjustment. If they refuse and cannot lay out a strategy and prove their methodology to be superior and valuable then they aren't the right teammate for you. There's no shame in walking away from a bad fit.

I think it is brave of you to be open to trying again considering how you've been treated. I truly hope you find the right fit in the near future.

[yellow_fleurs]

I think finding the right temperament for you is most important, although of course someone who just doesn't have control of their emotions such as anger would likely not be a good fit for anyone. I find I need calm, compassionate therapists and psychiatrists who are also very open with me and direct. I believe this is because of some issues from my past with family members that had some emotional regulation and anger problems, and getting picked on by others growing up. I also have a lot of anxiety. So, someone who has that calming effect on me and who is compassionate to even out my not so great levels of self compassion is ideal for me. I think someone else might find they need a different kind of temperment from a therapist, and that's okay, too.

As I am not a therapist I will just say my opinion, but this is not any sort of advice of course. I think therapists have emotions, and they might sometimes feel angry, but they need to be aware of how that affects the client and how they express, or choose not to express that anger to them. If it would be harmful to the client or is in no way relevant or helpful, maybe they need to process it on their own time and try not to let it come out in any major way during the session. If it is a justified feeling of anger towards a specific situation, and it would somehow help the client and relationship to bring it up or express it in a healthy way, then maybe they could choose to do that. Anger doesn't have to be a bad thing, but it doesn't really sound like your past therapist was helpful or dealing with in ways that were healthy for you. I hope you are able to find a great therapist to help you.

[cashart10]

I have been to MANY ts over the years. Some of them I’ve not clicked with at all, some only a little, most well enough, and a few very well. A couple I even stopped when I was younger because my mom thought some things about them were inappropriate. So, I have worked with many different people. I remember only 3 instances where I made a t uncomfortable or angry. One had asked me to tear up a page of a phone book and chuck it to release anger. He demonstrated this and when I felt awkward copying this, he felt really embarrassed and expressed that to me. I was only 15 at the time I think so the whole thing seemed a bit odd. The second time I’m not comfortable talking about. The third time though, I had a therapist I liked, but for some reason I got the impression she was never really crazy about me. She tried to “graduate” me a couple times when just about anyone who knew me post 3rd baby could have told you was well too far premature. I’m not someone who forgets appointments as a rule but there have been times in my life where I’ve been worse at this (notably when I’ve been very, very unwell). I’d been seeing her shortly after I got out of the hospital with ppd after my youngest’s birth and I missed 2 appts (separated by at least months). I texted her a nonchalant apology after the second time I missed which I did feel bad for. I owed her a much more genuine response but needless to say she never responded to me again. I think missed appts must have been a pet peeve For her (probably none of them like it). I even tried to email her again months later to give her that proper apology and updated her on how well things were going and still she never responded. It hurt my heart but I got it. And that’s ok. Not everyone is always going to like me.

Anyway, I know that is a very long example but I guess my point is ts are human. They do have anger. They do have likes and dislikes and some will connect better with you than others. And that is ok. It is also, however, very different than what you are describing. You are describing ts who don’t seem to have much compassion for their clients. And that is not fair to you. But yes, I do think you can have an incredibly different experience if you find the right person. I’ve never had anyone amaze me as much as current t. The comfort level I have with her is amazing. I trust her with my entire life...all of it! And she treasures that genuinely. Not all of them do, certainly.