Explaining Racing Thoughts to Non Bipolar

I was trying (for the hundredth time) to explain to my mother what my racing thoughts are like when it comes to carrying on a conversation, and she actually seemed to understand it a bit more this time!

In the past I have tried explaining how my words just come too fast in my brain but I can't get them out into my mouth before the next thought comes into my head and I get frustrated and just give up on the conversation some times.

And I have tried to explain that it is like I just have to say the first word that comes to mind in order to try to get my thought out, but that isn't always a word that describes things in the way that I really am thinking about them.

She doesn't really understand those explanations.

But this time I suddenly thought of my racing thoughts as being like words floating down a river. They are floating by fast and I have to reach out and grab the words quickly, but there are so many of them and the water is choppy and makes it hard to grab the words or sometimes the words get pushed underwater and it's really hard to remember just where they are and what word I was aiming for when I can't see them. And all the words are rushing towards a huge waterfall and if they go over that waterfall they are just gone! There is no getting them back.

So I try to grab the words that are getting close to the waterfall just in case they are words I need, but sometimes they aren't quite right or they don't fit into my sentence at all! So then I have to waist time throwing them back in. As I do that I start to see that I'm about to lose a whole lot of words over the waterfall and I panick and drop a floodgate dam to stop all the words completely!

Then I really have a mess because I have to decide if I should just give up on the sentence and open the dam and consider all those thoughts and words a total loss, and just start over looking upstream at the new words flowing In, or if I should let everything come to a standstill while I dive into the growing pond full of words and search hard for the ones I need.

At that point the conversation will come to an awkward pause, as I try to grasp at the words, or try to give up and restart with a new sentence.

People may notice sometimes, but other times if I'm fast enough I can accomplish my task and grab onto the words and get on with the conversation.

But really all that chaos and confusion is completely invisible to everyone else because the words I grab are all good words and they often make sense to others around me, but I know inside that I totally missed the words I really wanted and I just settled for what feels to me like second or third best.

So in my head the conversation is a complete failure and I am so frustrated by that. But no one else knows that because they are standing on the other side of the trees (bushes, fence, wall somthing like that) and they only see the nicely arranged words that I carry over to them. But I still have to make sure the words get pronounced right so other people can understand them, and my tongue doesn't always do a very good job of that. That slows me down even more.

That's my best effort to describe my brain when it comes to conversation.

Now typing on the other hand makes the words slow down on the river. The keys on my tablet make the words break up into letters and letters can be grabbed and put in any order I want. They don't always get spelled the right way, but the words get sorted out and put down on the page and it doesn't really matter if letters go over the waterfall because there are just so many of them that I can always see another one coming along when I need it.

The keys on my tablet or phone are like stepping stones that I can hop around on and more easily make the words. And I don't have to worry about throwing wrong letters back because as soon as my fingers type the word it is stored on the page and frees up room in my brain for me to focus on the next word. And after I finish my thoughts, I can sit back and relax I know the words are there and now all I have to do is read over them and check for any extra little letters that may have snuck in. And when I see that I forgot a word I only have to figure out the letters for one word. I can take my time and decide what just the right word will be. And I feel good about that, I feel in control. My words and thoughts are trapped on the page for good and they can't slip away from me.

I don't need to worry about pronouncing the words at all! And I don't have to worry about any awkward silence because I get to finish the whole conversation before I send it.

Does that make sence to anyone else? Or am I just having racing thoughts?

P.S. I totally ignored the proof reading step on this post, sooo, sorry if it's a mess

I love this description. This is so accurate for me.

Thanks for sharing

Great description. I was describing some really bad ones for my pdoc the other day. I told him when they were bad, it was exactly like being strapped into a 737 screaming straight for the ground at 500 miles an hour. All the windows are open. And instead of clouds and space and air flying by, what is racing past are my thoughts. I can't possibly keep up with them and they are overwhelming. After awhile, it is incapacitating.

That is how I experience it.

There was a post a while back that has some good descriptions:

Please Describe

That's a great thread! Thanks for sharing the link.

I really relate to this description

"Sometimes in my mind, I may even repeat phrases or words rapidly or the thoughts take on a musical rhythm, which sometimes even become vocalized. Or such rapid thinking, vocalized, can even turn into a kind of stutter it is so fast that I can't even keep up with them vocally."

(I think that was in BirdDancer 's post on that thread.)

I like that description too!

It's such an anoing thing to have happen especially when it gets to the point where I just want to crawl in bed and sleep to get my brain to stop! To take a break from these thoughts. But then I can't fall asleep!

Great description, thanks for sharing this

Thank you for sharing! This is a wonderful explanation!

I kind of describe it like this: Imagine I am a tv with multiple channels. And imagine some unknown something is changing those channels rapidly so that you only get a little bit of dialogue from each channel. The channels range from the news, to westerns, to movies, to reality shows, talk shows etc. So as the channels flip you get a minute or two of the subject and then the channel changes again so that you never truly know what each show is about. That is what racing thoughts and words are for me.

Yeah, even if you have regular, garden variety bipolar insomnia, as I do, racing thoughts would make it almost impossible to get into a sleep place. Only a big dose of Zyprexa or Depakote or something like that can sometimes calm them down for me.

Hi Isurvive,

Welcome to PC!
Thank you for your great description of racing thoughts!

I hope you will find the information and the support you may be seeking.
I hope to see you around the forums!

Thank you, Isurvive, for sharing your experiences so beautifully with analogies! Sometimes analogies are the most spot-on means of making others understand complex experiences.I will say that I find it immensely fascinating what you wrote here, and will be reflecting on it.I have only a couple things to add, regarding my own experiences, beyond what I wrote in the other mentioned thread.

I was particularly interested in what you wrote about the transfer of racing thoughts into writing.The topic of oral expression vs. written expression has been on my mind a lot, recently. I also reflect on how other means of communication differ during periods of hypomania and mania. I'm specifically referring to non-verbal communications (physical, i.e. walking and dancing). Non-verbal actions/communications have been discussed in books and journals on bipolar disorder, but not to a great degree. On that topic, I am not always even aware of what my non-verbal communication is. It's sometimes included within a form of manic amnesia. I think even during stability, most of us are not always aware of it. I wrote "not always", because there have been moments when I became aware. I'd realize I was physically acting out thinking; walking in a skipping way, silently mouthing words, waving my arms, frustration or other emotions apparent on my face, and similar.

It is very interesting to me that I am able to express myself in writing while I am having racing thoughts. But what is even stranger to me is that it only works on electronic devices, not when writing with a pen and paper. My ability to express myself with pen and paper is even worse than trying to speak. It is somthing about the tapping out of the words on a tablet screen maybe? I have always been a very visual learner, I wonder if having the letters there in front of me on the screen turns verbal/auditory and written communication into a more visual form of communication for me?

I also notice I have physical things that I do when I'm having racing thoughts. I have different stimming behaviors both when I'm depressed and when I'm manic. I rock back and forth, flick my fingers back and forth, and jerk my head in very specific way. When I'm depressed and severely anxious I hit my hand or fist against my forehead (not in a hard or painful way just like I'm tapping it I guess).