To quit all treatment

Well, this is just me... but if someone asked me, "am I a waste of your time?", I would suspect they're depressed or, at the very least, upset about something. I don't think it is "normal" or "expected" for someone to ask others about being a waste of time. (I hope you don't find this offensive. I am not trying to be offensive. I just genuinely think you might be depressed.)

But to put it bluntly, I think she is genuinely trying to explain why you aren't a waste of her time, because she is talking about how she has helped you. I mean, if you legitimately were a waste of time, then she wouldn't have been able to help you

Of course, I can't tell if part of her is being selfish or not because I don't know her or your history, but from that brief blurb, I would say she does not sound selfish, but rather, concerned.

Thanks, bluebicycle. I don't take offense at any of your words. I'm hanging onto what you said in the second part. I'm also having a difficult time understanding complex sentence structure or stringing together my own sentences. So your perspective on my T's answer really helps.

I don't believe she's hedging, her words sound genuine and concerned.

You mentioned, a few posts back, that you're contemplating quitting all treatment because you're discouraged. I so well understand that.

And because I understand it, I will tell you what I tell myself: Quitting treatment while I'm feeling discouraged is like feeling terribly cold, then walking out into the snow naked. In other words, it's backwards logic.

Yes, BethRags, You're right, I'm terribly cold and walking out into the snow.


I will talk with the professionals before quitting anything. Thank you all for helping me examine this from multiple perspectives and with varied metaphors.

This is hard work that you are doing....
you are worthy of this effort.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

How much of this is just reacting to all the hard stuff in your life right now? You've had a really hard year. Just what I know is that you lost both parents, your wife lost her job and a lawsuit is involved and you've been given an eviction notice. That's an incredible amount of stress and it's normal to want to walk away from it. And since the treatments are difficult to set up and go through that makes quitting seem like a better idea than it is.

My pdoc is very big on reminding me not to make big decisions when I'm under stress or in a situation that is causing depression, or justI a mood swing. I think if I were you I'd talk to the most trusted professional involved and go from what they say. You've done well on ECT so I assume they know what they are doing.

I'm sorry it is so hard right now.

BeyondtheRainbow, it was hard to read everything you listed, but I think you are onto something. It's all adding up on my shoulders even if I'm not consciously thinking about it all. I don't see my regular pdoc until some time in Feb, so I'll likely end up talking with my T about this. I'm pretty sure that if I told my ECT doc that I was thinking about quitting everything, she would chalk it up to depression and schedule me for more ECT sessions rather than fewer.

Thank you for giving this the depth of thought that you have.

Hi Daonnachd, In coping with my own bp and anxiety, I have sometimes used the same reasoning as you are using. I have tried it over and over again that I should now be able to cope OK because of what I have learned and try to practice. The problem is that works when I am stable and can cope rationally. But my experience and my self-help and coping skills are overwhelmed or forgotten or not effective when I am overwhelmed or stressed out or off into mania or deep depression. Then I am not able to cope rationally on my own. My therapists and PMHNP's have then been crucial for me. I wish there was a med or a treatment that would help me--but so far, they have either been ineffective or I couldn't tolerate them.

If ECT and your therapist work for you, I hope there is some way you can continue with them.

Sending good thoughts your way!

Hey, Rick, Yeah, a distinction between my discontinuation logic and that of others I have followed here is that rather than quitting with the assumption that I'm healthy, I'm going in knowing that it will take extra work. Even so, it's been a rough day - made better by the support of all of you here. Thanks, again.

And it's ok if all of yez want to laugh at me for being so stupid.

there is no one laughing at you for sure.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Defintely not laughing. I bet there isn't one person here who hasn't thought of stopping treatment sometime.

I hope I didn't upset you. I just know that changes in our lives can really afftect how we feel.

I started weaning off klonopin in September 2018. I went down .25 from 2 mg at bedtime, 1 mg PRN. I was about ready to go down again when my father got sick and died. I finally got past that and went down to 1.5 mg this September with the plan to go down again in November. A few weeks after I went down someone I love was diagnosed with cancer and the anxiety went back up. So I'm still at the 1.5 mg dose and I'm on a lot more gabapentin. I'm hoping to go down soon. But my point is that my taper is ridiculously slow because we're accounting for my life, not just following a taper schedule.

What we want sometimes isn't the right thing. You know that of course.

I'll shut up now

The thought of you quitting treatment concerns me as I see it could very possibly turn out badly. I think you are highly intelligent for thinking this through and for taking these points of advice under serious consideration. There has been excellent food for thought offered here.

I’m glad you are going to talk to someone before deciding. I don’t have much to add aside from my concern and my support in whatever you decide. No one is laughing. You are very much cared about here.

Count me in as not laughing either. I like your posts and it would be terrible if you had bad episodes because you discontinued your treatment.

Thanks, Moose. I've reassessed my plans to quit everything. I had a good talk with my T, whom I trust deeply. I can't recall if I opened up about this idea with my ECT doc. I know I haven't told my pdoc because I haven't seen her yet. Anyhow, I'm safe.

You sound really good.

Nope not a single laugh from me.

I’m glad that you started this thread

I'm glad, too. I'm using the thread I started to keep track of new med yays and nays, It's helpful.