Suicide Discussion Thread - TRIGGER!

Fuzzybear · Apr 05, 2020, 01:06 PM

I think any threads with that ''thing'' in the title need a trigger warning, at the very least

Apr 05, 2020, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I think any threads with that ''thing'' in the title need a trigger warning, at the very least

Maybe you can make a thread asking people to do that, Fuzzy? If you don't want to make it, I can make it for you. I'm sure others are in the same boat as you.

Fuzzybear · Apr 05, 2020, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Maybe you can make a thread asking people to do that, Fuzzy? If you don't want to make it, I can make it for you. I'm sure others are in the same boat as you.

Thanks blue, I would appreciate that

Maybe you could make the thread, if that's ok?

Apr 05, 2020, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thanks blue, I would appreciate that

Maybe you could make the thread, if that's ok?

ok, I'll make one

Fuzzybear · Apr 05, 2020, 01:24 PM

I typed out a thread with ''Creative Titles'' as the header....

Maybe I am not the ideal person to make that thread though.

I deleted it before I pressed send.

Fuzzybear · Apr 05, 2020, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

ok, I'll make one

Thanks blue. We posted at the same time

~Christina · Apr 05, 2020, 03:00 PM

Hi Crook

I am sorry your dealing with alot right now. Changing jobs from toxic to new is hard. trying to find a new T is incrediably hard. Keep sharing your feeling as it can help to just unload them.

Fuzzybear · Apr 06, 2020, 06:58 PM

I feel triggered and scared and hurt and sad. I think papa bear and probably everyone would be better off without me.

I hate the situation and I hate that I have to muzzle myself but surely I should be used to that by now.

Daonnachd · Apr 06, 2020, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I feel triggered and scared and hurt and sad. I think papa bear and probably everyone would be better off without me.

I hate the situation and I hate that I have to muzzle myself but surely I should be used to that by now.

Oh, @Fuzzy, that's just the illness talking. He (and we) would not be better off without you. The world would be a darker place without you.

bpcyclist · Apr 06, 2020, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I feel triggered and scared and hurt and sad. I think papa bear and probably everyone would be better off without me.

I hate the situation and I hate that I have to muzzle myself but surely I should be used to that by now.

I certainly wouldn't be better off without you, Fuzzy, that's for sure!!!! I am sorry you feel muzzled. Feel free to PM me anytime-- I am totally here for you!!!!

Hugs!!

*Beth* · Apr 07, 2020, 04:51 PM

I'm exhausted, so I hope I'm not crossing a boundary here. I'm so tired I can barely think straight.

Does anyone ever worry about a "mistaken suicide"? As in, you might accidentally kill yourself by trying to stop anxiety, but taking too many pills by mistake? Like, I'll take just one more...well, 2 might really help...or 3... and suddenly you've taken too many and then what?

Fuzzybear · Apr 07, 2020, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm exhausted, so I hope I'm not crossing a boundary here. I'm so tired I can barely think straight.

Does anyone ever worry about a "mistaken suicide"? As in, you might accidentally kill yourself by trying to stop anxiety, but taking too many pills by mistake? Like, I'll take just one more...well, 2 might really help...or 3... and suddenly you've taken too many and then what?

I could be wrong, but from what I have read that is very unlikely to happen. It takes a massive amount of meds to possibly have that effect. But that is only the meds I've been on.... so I could easily be wrong.

Do you avoid alcohol?

*Beth* · Apr 07, 2020, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I could be wrong, but from what I have read that is very unlikely to happen. It takes a massive amount of meds to possibly have that effect. But that is only the meds I've been on.... so I could easily be wrong.

Do you avoid alcohol?

Hi Fuzzy, No, I don't like alcohol and never drink it. You've made a good point...I guess by the time someone would take that many pills they'd know what they were doing.

Victoria'smom · Apr 07, 2020, 06:56 PM

Yes I worry about that a lot.

*Beth* · Apr 07, 2020, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Yes I worry about that a lot.

I understand.

Crook32 · Apr 08, 2020, 06:10 PM

I just want to sleep but am tormented with insomnia. I wish I could just go to bed and not wake up. That would solve everything.

~Christina · Apr 08, 2020, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crook32

I just want to sleep but am tormented with insomnia. I wish I could just go to bed and not wake up. That would solve everything.

I know you were in the hospital recently, Do you think a med change could help? Can you call your pdoc tomorrow?

I understand how god awful Insomnia can be.. Stay safe

Crook32 · Apr 08, 2020, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I know you were in the hospital recently, Do you think a med change could help? Can you call your pdoc tomorrow?

I understand how god awful Insomnia can be.. Stay safe

Working on a change to lamictal again but that takes forever to get to a therapeutic dose. I talk to my pdoc Saturday. I talk to my T tomorrow for probably the last time. Then Friday talk to new T for the second time. No meds really help with my insomnia. I woke up like 4 times last night and was up for good at 4am. It is unrelenting.

~Christina · Apr 08, 2020, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crook32

Working on a change to lamictal again but that takes forever to get to a therapeutic dose. I talk to my pdoc Saturday. I talk to my T tomorrow for probably the last time. Then Friday talk to new T for the second time. No meds really help with my insomnia. I woke up like 4 times last night and was up for good at 4am. It is unrelenting.

Yes lamictal takes a long time to work. Do you have any prn med? Benzo or AP?

I deal with chronic insomnia all my life.. I use to get frantic if I couldnt sleep and was a Bipolar hot mess... To me the bed became a monster, so of course I could not sleep

Honestly one day I thought okay if I sleep I sleep if I dont oh well..... It took the edge off , I would go to bed but didnt get upset if sleep didnt happen, Id just stare at the wall. At least I make myself lay horizontal, our physical bodies, muscles and nerves need time to be still..

If I hit 5 days no sleep I can snow myself under with Haldol, thorazine , seroquel or even a zyprexa... But my current cycle is sleep 8 -10 hours then up for 3 days then sleep 8-10 hours Wash Rinse Repeat.

I hope your Pdoc can help you find something that will offer you sleep while the other meds get to working

Crook32 · Apr 09, 2020, 04:40 PM

I have klonopin and propranolol that I take throughout the day for anxiety and restlessness. I have been saving a klonopin dose for bedtime. It is not working. Tonight I am going to increase my Seroquel and see if that helps. I really just want to die and be done with all this misery.

~Christina · Apr 09, 2020, 11:03 PM

Crook I hope your able to get some sleep

Crook32 · Apr 11, 2020, 03:37 PM

Will these thoughts ever go away? I spend so much energy everyday fighting them. My pdoc wants me to explore what is behind them.

~Christina · Apr 11, 2020, 05:40 PM

Yes the thoughts will go away, eventually..

Part of my particular Bipolar soup is I always have a underlying feelings and thoughts about suicide.. At times its gotta way out of hand and I have needed IP to stay safe.

My T tells me that having these thoughts are not that uncommon in some people with Bipolar.

You are coming right off a IP stay and your meds are still needing time to become more effective.. Its a lousy place to be in. One thing you can focus on is the only truth about Bipolar is that its always is going to cycle and your due to finding stability and baseline.. Take things day by day hour by hour or even minute by minute.. Do you have any structure in your daily life? Wake up at X time, then do XYZ.. Right now the best thing you can do for yourself is find things to physically do... You need lots and lots of distractions.... Can you think of anything you can do? My go to is cleaning and cooking.. When I am not doing well I must stay busy..

Stay safe