Should I go to my parents' house? I'm afraid they have contracted coronavirus

Just wondering what you would do? I do not want their crap to trigger a mixed state or something.

My parents' birthdays are next week and they want me to come over to celebrate, but they are totally unsanitary. They go out every single day (yes, literally...), they do not wash their hands, they do not stay 6 feet away from people, they cough without covering their mouths, and they both lick their fingers despite touching something that was potentially infected with coronavirus.

This is giving me major anxiety about coming over. I fear that I will get infected with coronavirus due to their own ignorance and poor sanitation habits. I think it's only a matter of time before they get it.

The other thing is that they want me to go into Wal-Mart to pick up a cake, as opposed to their initial idea of getting an ice cream cake from DQ (which I could probably do through the drive-thru). I do not want to go into Wal-Mart. That place is totally unsanitary on the inside even during non-coronavirus times. I'm also afraid that they will want to cut the cake. Again, they lick their fingers after touching potentially contaminated surfaces, and THEY want to cut the cake and serve it to people. No thanks. I do not want to eat coronavirus cake. And who knows if Wal-Mart people coughed on the cake anyways while baking it or putting frosting on it.

You can say that you're afraid of coronavirus and don't feel safe going out. I would

As far as I understand it, at least in my state, you are not supposed to go to ANYONE’s house, family or not. Can they figure out how to do some sort of video/conference call? From how you’ve described them I wouldn’t want to go over there either, especially since they are deliberately not following social distancing policies.

This is a good idea. My brother set up a zoom meeting yesterday and we had three families as well as my mom and my dad on who are both somewhat technology challenged. Everyone loved it. I'd celebrate that way if you're afraid to go out.

Also, you can send them a cake. This is an example of a retailer with nationwide delivery.
Order Cake Delivery Online | Buy Birthday Cakes | Send a Cake

Blue, I don't think you'd get coronavirus if you went, but you've been through a lot lately. I'm not sure the mental and emotional stress is a good idea at this time.

Hi bluebicyle. I totally understand your concerns.

I think that if you are the one with the burden of running around in public, during this rough time, that you should have greater say in certain things. The type of cake.

I have noticed, when out in public, that a large percentage of older adults don't wear gloves or masks compared to middle-aged adults. It's a little concerning. I saw one older man in my grocery store hacking away without covering his mouth. I steered clear of him. I've been wearing disposable vinyl gloves for a while since this started and today started wearing a mask. The mask isn't comfortable (it steams up my glasses), but it's a good idea, I think. My grocery store just added plexiglass shields between where the cashiers stand and the customer.

Do you think a sit down talk about the spread of COVID 19 would help? Or do you think it would be met by deaf ears?

My dad is now quarantined in his suite room at his assisted living facility. All there are.

Yeah, my parents and sister (who is with them right now) all have iPhones, so we can do FaceTime.

My mom runs her own business and although it's considered "essential" and can stay open, she is meeting with clients all the time, shaking their hands, and exchanging papers... all while sitting 3 feet away from them (across her desk). Not to insult my mom, but doing that is STUPID and my sister kept telling her to stop that s***. But my mom is still doing it apparently even though it's probably the dumbest thing you can do right now, especially when she is going over to my 89 year old grandma's house quite often without washing her hands.

Oh, and one of my mom's clients is a small doctors office. She helps do some financial stuff for them, so she's going in there and doing crap for them. Like... a freaking DOCTORS office where people are walking in with coronavirus. I bluntly told her that doing so was stupid because all of her clients (including this doctors office) can send paperwork remotely, but then she got all mad at me.

Thanks for the cake service. I will look into that.

And yes, you're right that the mental and emotional stress would probably get to me. I'd probably have severe anxiety the entire time I am there because I know they will cough in the air and lick their fingers, and then try to make food for me. No thanks.

I have told my mom and dad to cut that s*** out several times. I told my mom that she is potentially bringing coronavirus into her own mother's place by always going over there, occasionally dropping off groceries. Then I said, "Are you even washing your hands or wiping down the groceries with wipes?" She was like, "no, she'll be fine. Plus, she's probably opened all the stuff anyways, so it doesn't matter at this point." And she STILL keeps doing it.

My dad just wants to go out every single day. He thinks that going to super markets and stuff is "refreshing," even though there are tons of people there, and who knows who coughed on what. I mean, I know people have to go grocery shopping, but he is licking his fingers after he comes back, or he will order McDonald's and then lick his fingers in the car without washing his hands.

He even went to a hardware store for the hell of it two days ago. He was like, "I dunno. I think it would be nice to browse a bunch of stores that are still open. It's very refreshing." Like WTF.

Yeah, it doesn't seem worth the risk to your stability. I think that has to be an important consideration and hopefully your parents can get on board with that. I know you hadn't shared with them the details of what has been going on as of a few weeks ago, but maybe they would understand if you let them know you've been going through a rough patch and you're trying to avoid triggers while your meds get back to a therputic level. Your parents seem like very kind people who love you. I'm sure you'll be able to work something out.

I would use this as an opportunity to educate them via telephone. Explain the highly communicable nature of this virus, that it's not just the flu. Emphasize that staying home is potentially saving lives. And with that, say "No, thanks. I can't join you."

If it would help, talk to them about the expansion rates in NY and Louisiana where the number of cases has exploded. CA and WA have lots, but they've been slower rates of communication comparatively speaking.

Thanks everyone!

I called up my mom and said that someone in my complex has a suspected case of coronavirus. (I didn't check my email up until recently, and it said that someone here might have it.) I said that I don't feel comfortable going out.

I don't think I'll catch coronavirus here (unless it comes through the vent), but I used that as an excuse. I said that it's about keeping them safe.