[Zeroid]

Hi all, I'm new and there are some more details in the welcome thread.

What I'm struggling with is trying to work out what decisions, and ****-ups, and life changing decisions I might have made while manic. I was diagnosed about 18 months ago, and I've begun to learn when my meds aren't cutting it and I am having a manic episode. I've also learnt that I may be prone to rapid cycling, but it's hard to apply it retroactively.

I have made a few life altering decisions in my life, moving cities, radically changing my life and shacking up with someone deeply inappropriate (and staying, god help me), moving to America to marry a woman I met on the internet (love of my life, happily), and rage quitting my job to get a Masters.

Some of these decisions were ludicrous, and scarred my life, but also had inherent good outcomes. Others, the last two, were great decisions, absolutely wonderful. But they were as extreme as the bad ones, if not more so, so I am messed in the head about what effect the bipolar has on my life. Could it be good? Was I in a good state of mind, or not? Did I make a poor decision while manic and then follow through later on?

What do y'all think? Is it possible to make good decisions when manic? Did I do good things by accident? Am I worrying too much (that's a strong possibility)?

[Aviza]

I think people take bigger risks when manic. A some risk leads to reward. Some risk causes problems when doesn't lead to reward. Getting a master's a calculated risk, technically a good risk. Congratulations.

[fern46]

Hi, welcome to PC. I hope you find support and a community you can benefit from here. I'm new to all of this too. I decided to quit a job I loved while manic about 10 months ago. It was the right thing, but I regret how I went about it.

I think it is completely possible to make good decisions while manic. There is usually truth at the root of what you decide even in that state. I think the difference is in how one goes about making the decision. They are sometimes made with zero calculation of risk and even without consideration of how they affect the lives of those around us. In those cases even 'good' decisions feel bad.

I think it is great that you now see a pattern in your decision making. You now know you make huge life altering decisions very quickly while in a manic state. You can now learn some coping skills to help yourself break the pattern. You can always continue to go with it, but I imagine your good fortune will not always be the case. In the future you can train yourself to slow down. You can stop and ask yourself a few questions before proceeding. Some examples are:
Am I experiencing any symptoms of mania?
How long have I thought about this?
How might this decision benefit me?
How might it go badly?
What are the risks of this decision?
What are the consequences?
How will this decision affect others?
Have I taken an appropriate amount of time to weigh this decision?
Is there any research I should do before proceeding/do I have all the facts necessary to make this decision?
Do I know the right steps to take to implement this decision?
Do I understand how much or how little work will be required of me to do this?

You can then share your answers with a therapist or a trusted loved one. They can help you see where your answers might be off due to the mania. This process might then help you decide when you need to wait a little while so that you can revisit your choice when you're closer to a baseline state. That way you can still capitalize on the beneficial thoughts that come from mania, but you can implement them in a more healthful and strategic way. It should also root out bad decisions easily.

I know this diagnosis can be incredibly difficult, but there are strategies you can incorporate to make it easier. Good luck to you on your Master's program. That's exciting work.

I joined the society of prevention of cruelty to hedghogs (yes, it's a thing), and back then i had no idea what a hedghog was and kind of freaked out that I joined a society to save something I had no idea what it was

but since then: I've come to realise what they are, the dangers they face, and how people can protect the hedghog

I guess what I'm saying is: I'm now doing something useful and doing my part, with, what once was unknown to me

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I joined the society of prevention of cruelty to hedghogs (yes, it's a thing), and back then i had no idea what a hedghog was and kind of freaked out that I joined a society to save something I had no idea what it was

but since then: I've come to realise what they are, the dangers they face, and how people can protect the hedghog

I guess what I'm saying is: I'm now doing something useful and doing my part, with, what once was unknown to me

I have a friend who has a hedgehog and loves it to death- maybe even after death. My ex has had rescue hedgies.

[Zeroid]

Originally Posted by fern46

Hi, welcome to PC. I hope you find support and a community you can benefit from here. I'm new to all of this too. I decided to quit a job I loved while manic about 10 months ago. It was the right thing, but I regret how I went about it.

I think it is completely possible to make good decisions while manic. There is usually truth at the root of what you decide even in that state. I think the difference is in how one goes about making the decision. They are sometimes made with zero calculation of risk and even without consideration of how they affect the lives of those around us. In those cases even 'good' decisions feel bad.

I think it is great that you now see a pattern in your decision making. You now know you make huge life altering decisions very quickly while in a manic state. You can now learn some coping skills to help yourself break the pattern. You can always continue to go with it, but I imagine your good fortune will not always be the case. In the future you can train yourself to slow down. You can stop and ask yourself a few questions before proceeding. Some examples are:
Am I experiencing any symptoms of mania?
How long have I thought about this?
How might this decision benefit me?
How might it go badly?
What are the risks of this decision?
What are the consequences?
How will this decision affect others?
Have I taken an appropriate amount of time to weigh this decision?
Is there any research I should do before proceeding/do I have all the facts necessary to make this decision?
Do I know the right steps to take to implement this decision?
Do I understand how much or how little work will be required of me to do this?

You can then share your answers with a therapist or a trusted loved one. They can help you see where your answers might be off due to the mania. This process might then help you decide when you need to wait a little while so that you can revisit your choice when you're closer to a baseline state. That way you can still capitalize on the beneficial thoughts that come from mania, but you can implement them in a more healthful and strategic way. It should also root out bad decisions easily.

I know this diagnosis can be incredibly difficult, but there are strategies you can incorporate to make it easier. Good luck to you on your Master's program. That's exciting work.

Hi Fern, thanks for such a considered reply. I think that your decision making strategies seem sound, but when I'm manic I believe in myself utterly. Why second guess when I think that my decisions are glorious? If a decision is fundamentally stupid (spend the rent money on a shopping spree) and I think it's good for whatever reason I've confected, asking questions is unlikely to happen. Or if I do, I can rationalise anything, drunk, sober, manic, or depressed. It's why I'm second guessing my life decisions.

[Zeroid]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I joined the society of prevention of cruelty to hedghogs (yes, it's a thing), and back then i had no idea what a hedghog was and kind of freaked out that I joined a society to save something I had no idea what it was

but since then: I've come to realise what they are, the dangers they face, and how people can protect the hedghog

I guess what I'm saying is: I'm now doing something useful and doing my part, with, what once was unknown to me

I'm trying to find a way of asking this without being a ****, but I've failed. Genuinely curious, how did you not know what a hedgehog is? I'm British, so hedgehogs are iconic, is that the difference?

[Zeroid]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I joined the society of prevention of cruelty to hedghogs (yes, it's a thing), and back then i had no idea what a hedghog was and kind of freaked out that I joined a society to save something I had no idea what it was

but since then: I've come to realise what they are, the dangers they face, and how people can protect the hedghog

I guess what I'm saying is: I'm now doing something useful and doing my part, with, what once was unknown to me

I'm trying to find a way of asking this without being a ****, but I've failed. Genuinely curious, how did you not know what a hedgehog is? I'm British, so hedgehogs may be more of a thing there, is that the difference?

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Zeroid

Hi Fern, thanks for such a considered reply. I think that your decision making strategies seem sound, but when I'm manic I believe in myself utterly. Why second guess when I think that my decisions are glorious? If a decision is fundamentally stupid (spend the rent money on a shopping spree) and I think it's good for whatever reason I've confected, asking questions is unlikely to happen. Or if I do, I can rationalise anything, drunk, sober, manic, or depressed. It's why I'm second guessing my life decisions.

I can see your point. It is hard to question decisions you 'know' are right while manic. I think though that the goal of coping skills is to learn them and practice them while you are balanced. You train yourself to become comfortable with them. You remind yourself over and over to leverage them when you are out of balance. You educate yourself on your symptoms so that you can recognize them and have greater insight into your state the next time it happens.

So for example, you might come up with your own questions and print out a checklist for yourself. You keep it on hand and make it a plan to walk through it every time you make a major decision. You use it when you are balanced, when you are up and when you are down. You make it habitual so it becomes second nature. You might even tell your wife about it so that she can encourage you to use it each time you're making a major decision.

So the goal is implant your mind with the knowing that your your decisions will feel glorious, but you owe it to yourself to think it through anyway. Hopefully, the training sticks and then next time you feel the urge to move forward the insight kicks in and you deploy your coping skills you've trained yourself to use.

This is how we change any behavior really. We recognize the pattern, set an intent for a new pattern, practice and then change the pattern through altered actions. It is hard to do when you're manic, so that's why it becomes critical to do the work and practice now while you're able to reflect and strategize properly.

This is of course just how I'm going about this. There are a number of ways and I'm sure the wise folks here have good alternatives for consideration.

[Zeroid]

Originally Posted by fern46

This is how we change any behavior really. We recognize the pattern, set an intent for a new pattern, practice and then change the pattern through altered actions. It is hard to do when you're manic, so that's why it becomes critical to do the work and practice now while you're able to reflect and strategize properly.

This is of course just how I'm going about this. There are a number of ways and I'm sure the wise folks here have good alternatives for consideration.

What I've really begun to wonder is whether all of my major decisions are made while manic. I have a tendency to put off most major decision making, and I think that I am wary of action whilst in a normal state, perhaps as a result of past behaviours. So I might need two sets of questions, one asking why I'm doing something, the other asking why I'm not.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Zeroid

What I've really begun to wonder is whether all of my major decisions are made while manic. I have a tendency to put off most major decision making, and I think that I am wary of action whilst in a normal state, perhaps as a result of past behaviours. So I might need two sets of questions, one asking why I'm doing something, the other asking why I'm not.

I think that is very wise and insightful. You might also use that second list while you are balanced and realize you are carrying fear or some other feeling that keeps you from deciding when you're at your best. Maybe it can help you to shift when you make decisions to a time you can be more comfortable with.

It reminds me of people who only have the courage to talk to a potential mate when they are under the influence. Something holds them back when they are balanced that needs to be addressed. Fear or rejection or whatever. Those fears are then disinhibited when they drink. In your case the mania might be working for you the same way a few strong drinks would.

[Zeroid]

Originally Posted by fern46

It reminds me of people who only have the courage to talk to a potential mate when they are under the influence. Something holds them back when they are balanced that needs to be addressed. Fear or rejection or whatever. Those fears are then disinhibited when they drink. In your case the mania might be working for you the same way a few strong drinks would.

Often the mania has accompanied a few strong drinks. It's a combination that has frequently led to chaos.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Zeroid

Often the mania has accompanied a few strong drinks. It's a combination that has frequently led to chaos.

My mania came complete with severe psychosis. I was completely impaired. I understand chaos. It is amazing what our minds do when we aren't at our best.

I've stayed away from all substances since my episode last fall. My doctors are weaning me off my meds at the moment because I've remained stable. I've wondered if I will allow myself a drink or two once I have detoxed from the meds. I don't drink more than a couple at a time and I don't use alcohol to self medicate, but I'm a bit afraid it will trigger something. I'd be lying though if I said I didn't miss a glass of wine on date night though.

[*Beth*]

I have done some fabulously creative things while manic. Aside from that...no. I'm sorry to admit it, but mania for me is a danger zone.

[sophiebunny]

Taking the contents of the office shredder and throwing it in the air in my office and calling it a blizzard...bad decision. Going on a cleaning spree that lasted 48 hours while dancing to Manic Monday...good decision. It just depends.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I adopted 2 wonderful cats. And got disagnosed with bipolar immediately after . But I loved those cats.

[BipolarWolf]

not that I can remember. I used to be creative, and do things like woodworking. I have lost that ability and desire. I am just flat these days. that is intentional though because my most recent episode was last August. I was put on heavy doses of mood stabilizers since then.

[saucygirl31]

i sent my resume to 200 investment banks.

[bpcyclist]

I wrote 2 novels in three weeks when I was manic in the hospital. Not a lot of sleep going on.

[cashart10]

Yes, faith based decisions. Mine are not quite as life altering as yours but they have definitely had positive influences. I have donated huge sums to charity (even when we didn’t have the money). I have recorded my testimony for my famous preacher’s New York Times best selling book (and the video that went with it)—there is nothing like your every childhood move being out there for the world to see but that said, I know it can be potentially helpful to anyone struggling with the things I struggled with. I have had the most incredibly emboldened prayer life during manic episodes, even praying with and for strangers. I could go on but those are the biggest and you get the point.

When I was younger, it could have been very life altering as I was very promiscuous while manic. Thankfully I never got pregnant.

[Guiness187055]

In one simple answer....NO!

[Zeroid]

Originally Posted by saucygirl31

i sent my resume to 200 investment banks.

Any success? I think that would be the difference between a good and bad decision.

[Zeroid]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I wrote 2 novels in three weeks when I was manic in the hospital. Not a lot of sleep going on.

Were they any good? Or salvageable?

Originally Posted by cashart10

Yes, faith based decisions. Mine are not quite as life altering as yours but they have definitely had positive influences. I have donated huge sums to charity (even when we didn’t have the money). I have recorded my testimony for my famous preacher’s New York Times best selling book (and the video that went with it)—there is nothing like your every childhood move being out there for the world to see but that said, I know it can be potentially helpful to anyone struggling with the things I struggled with. I have had the most incredibly emboldened prayer life during manic episodes, even praying with and for strangers. I could go on but those are the biggest and you get the point.

When I was younger, it could have been very life altering as I was very promiscuous while manic. Thankfully I never got pregnant.

Not getting (officially) married, not getting anyone pregnant, and not getting an STD were some of the best things I did. Oh, and staying out of jail.

Good decisions in terms of life-changing decisions? I'm not exactly sure, but I do know that I did go places I may not have gone otherwise, especially alone. Examples include Hong Kong and Thailand.

I sometimes struggle to know how much of my behavior is just the real me, and how much is hypomania inspired. I mention hypomania and not mania (I do have bipolar type 1), because often when I reach full blown mania, I become quite dysfunctional and my situation becomes dangerous or very noticeable to others, not in a good way. Actually, it's sometimes difficult to know where moderate to severe hypomania ends and mild to worse levels of full mania begin. Being a fairly high energy and upbeat person, I try not to attribute my assertiveness, zest for fun/adventure, flirtatiousness, and similar all to bipolar disorder.

I do know that during some rather severe elevated moods, I have NOT done a few things that could have been quite regrettable. Whether those decisions were more luck or a touch of common sense still present, I don't know.

[Under*Over]

I really dont know. I cant think of any but Im sure I probably made a few good decisions. Maybe stopping my meds is a good decision in general. I am just not sure. Maybe its just another bad decision. Ask me in a couple of years, 10 years, and my answer will probably change