Do Those Of You Who Are Single Ever Wish...

MODERATOR: Please do not move this to Relationships. I specifically want to hear from this group of individuals, whom I know best and who know me best. Thnx!!

Just wondering if those of you who are single ever think you might be better off with a significant other. I think about it occasionally, but just cannot imagine doing it. Just having to explain my whole illness thing seems insurmountable. Maybe another bipolar person could understand. Dunno. Anyhoo, just wondering what you folks think about this.

Hi

I am not single so maybe am not qualified to answer this. I do not have many close friends in my forest irl any more though (I used to have more) and I now find the whole idea of having to explain my whole illness thing to be overwhelming and probably insurmountable. I think though, like many things, breaking the issue down into smaller steps would probably be helpful. What do you think?

Though I've done very well these last 1 3/4 years solo, I have to admit that I would like a relationship. A healthy one. Right now my life is complicated on that front.

Thanks, Fuzzy amd IZ. Yeah, no, I just don't have any idea how I would ever explain what has happened to me. I think the part about me driving my SUV at 60 mph into a concrete abutment would freak any normal person out. Or the 8 thousand years in the hospital...

Hi bpcylist. You may recall that I am married. Not sure if you'd prefer only hearing from single members. Speaking for myself, my husband is my greatest treasure and he says the same thing to me. Though I did not have an official dx when I met and even married my husband, my bipolar disorder was showing itself, frequently, back then. My husband did express concern and frustration, at times, but that didn't stop him from falling in love with me, and wanting to commit to our relationship. Many people do not run away when they see or hear about major illnesses, but of course, yes, some do.

bpcyclist, when I mostly think about you as a person, of course I recognize bipolar disorder as a significant part of your life experience. However, more than that, I think of you as having great passion for many things and as a man with incredible value. In your original post above, you asked that moderators not move your post because you feel we, on the bipolar forum, know you best. Though there are clear limitations to what we do know of each other, you are right that we know a lot, despite. I don't think of you as just "bipolar", I think of you as: passionate about the world's and country's well-being, serious kick-butt bicyclist, lover of nature, lover of Oregon, traveler of the world and country who has lived various places learning about different peoples, brownie baker, nature lover, dermatologist, loving father, caring human being, open-minded individual, teacher of many things, brownie baker, guitar fan, Bruce Willis look alike (Cool!), music fan, writer, survivor and fighter, mental health advocate, mental illness stigma fighter, and so so many other things. You rock!

Hear! Hear!

So i was roughly 40 when I started dating....was too messed up before that, it took a bit a therapy. I don’t freak people out with diagnosis and the scary parts of the illness but because I take a medication at roughly 9 at night and I have an alarm set for this, I find I need to explain pretty early on. Anyway I didn’t even know my dx when I started dating my current four years ago. I just mentioned that sometimes I heard voices but that I took a med for that to prevent it. People had no problem with this at all. I must have been on twenty dates before meeting him and while there were various reasons for not clicking my psychosis was not one of them.

I do however keep my medical needs separate from my relationship. I don’t expect him to understand me like a therapist or pdoc would just like I don’t take care of his asthma. He knows about it just in case I deteriorate and he has to get me help and because of the intimacy of being honest. To be fair I’m pretty asymptomatic but present mostly with anxiety....especially when it comes to driving etc.

I will say if I had hope of keeping someone I told them around date 3....some sooner....if you’re up front about it it’s much easier and you can ditch any losers who respond negatively to it.

I've been single since my divorce 24 years ago. At the moment i am happy being my super single self. I feel i was never meant to be married. I don't want that level of interdependence with anyone. I have a very soft inner voice and if someone else is around all the time i can't hear it.

But there are times when i want a partner. I felt safer when i was with my ex. I think it's just a part of being a single woman -- the feeling of being vulnerable.

OK. You're on your deathbed. Who's with you. Your wife? Your girlfriend? Just your family and friends? That will tell you what your heart wants. If you want to be married or just in a relationship, being bipolar won't interfere with that. If it will, and not because of what she thinks mind you, then yes you shouldn't be dating right now.

You're bipolar. That's not who you are, that's a part of you. I'm diabetic. That's one part of who I am. If she has problems with you being bipolar, especialy if she can't handle it, then she's not the woman you're supposed to be with. Because although she may or may not totally understand the illness what will matter to her is how it affects you. You plan to be there for her no matter what, right? Then why shouldn't she be there for you no matter what?

Who does your explaining you illness to seem insurmountable? You? That's an issue you really should deal with before you start dating. It wouldn't be fair to her otherwise. To her? Seems to me you're not giving her much credit, if any at all. If I were her I wouldn't date you either.

Here's a towel. Dry that bucket of cold water off your face. Now go make some lucky woman very happy.

Thank you for those kind and generous words, BirdDancer.

Really glad things are stable for you right now, Sometimes.