[SorryShaped]

I'm not clear on anything. There are electric shocks throughout my body very frequently. My mind is not my own any more. My thoughts drift to lesser things and I have no picture of a future. I'm spiraling downward. My mind cannot be expected to heal when my body is so far gone and not getting better. I think the surgeon was trying to kill me slowly, and is winning. I sleep 20+ hours most days to keep the pain away. My vision is a little less than focused all the time. I shiver coldly in the bright summer sun. I've failed at this try. I don't feel understood.

[Raindropvampire]

I'm so sorry you are going through this and don't feel understood. To have to sleep that much just to keep pain away is not right. Won't they give you anything for the pain? No one should have to suffer like that.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I'm not clear on anything. There are electric shocks throughout my body very frequently. My mind is not my own any more. My thoughts drift to lesser things and I have no picture of a future. I'm spiraling downward. My mind cannot be expected to heal when my body is so far gone and not getting better. I think the surgeon was trying to kill me slowly, and is winning. I sleep 20+ hours most days to keep the pain away. My vision is a little less than focused all the time. I shiver coldly in the bright summer sun. I've failed at this try. I don't feel understood.

I am so sorry you are struggling like this, Sorry. I relate to what you said as I have had a ton of depression in the past. How can we best support you?

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

I'm so sorry you are going through this and don't feel understood. To have to sleep that much just to keep pain away is not right. Won't they give you anything for the pain? No one should have to suffer like that.

I have a hefty oxy prescription but it makes me sleep constantly and doesn't really remove the pain. I'm using kratom, which helps the pain but doesn't remove it

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am so sorry you are struggling like this, Sorry. I relate to what you said as I have had a ton of depression in the past. How can we best support you?

I don't know what I need at this point. I think I need to be ok with giving up

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I'm not clear on anything. There are electric shocks throughout my body very frequently. My mind is not my own any more. My thoughts drift to lesser things and I have no picture of a future. I'm spiraling downward. My mind cannot be expected to heal when my body is so far gone and not getting better. I think the surgeon was trying to kill me slowly, and is winning. I sleep 20+ hours most days to keep the pain away. My vision is a little less than focused all the time. I shiver coldly in the bright summer sun. I've failed at this try. I don't feel understood.

Hi SorryShaped,

I am sorry you are suffering.

Forgive me, I don't know why you've had surgery.

Have you checked in with your doctor and given him/her a list of your symptoms?

If your current pain meds are too sedating, you can ask your doctor for a different pain treatment plan. Often, post-surgical pain is treated with a combination of an NSAID and acetaminophen. I am not suggesting you take these OTC meds. I am simply giving an example of potential alternatives. I am not a medical professional Special attention must me taken re: liver and kidney function, etc. Please contact your doctor about ALL of your symptoms.

I've seen you move between your mood states. You do experience rather severe depression. The good news is that your mood does change with time.

You've described being quite skilled in your meditation practice. Is this anything you can manage during this very distressing time?

Are you recovering alone? Are your parents or your ex-wife around and able to help/support you?

Keep reaching out.

I hope you have a better day today!

[SorryShaped]

I'm on nsaids too. I haven't been able to meditate. I'm staying at my ex's until I can be alone. I can't change the dressings in the wounds by myself. I don't feel like I can REALLY talk about how I'm feeling with her. I don't know what to do

[bpcyclist]

Hey, Sorry, have you seen a board-certified pain specialist? I would advise doing that.

[fern46]

Keep talking to us. Holding painful feelings inside just adds to the pain. You can expect people here to try to lift you up or offer alternative perspectives. Maybe that will help, maybe it won't but it may be a good idea to at least have a place to process how you're feeling.

No, you do not need to move to acceptance of a forever end. You need to accept that this is a phase that will end and not last forever.

Keep looking forward. Distract yourself mentally and emotionally as much as you can. I'm not sure what your doctors say, but sleeping through this much pain seems like a natural response.

I know it must be hard to have to lean on others. Maybe it would help to pay it forward a bit. If you see a thread here and you have insight to offer or encouragement to give, that is a form of service. I know I feel better about being in need when I can offer something at the same time. No service is too small. Simply sending one good thought to someone who is struggles is valuable.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi SorryShaped,

I am sorry you are suffering.

Forgive me, I don't know why you've had surgery.

Have you checked in with your doctor and given him/her a list of your symptoms?

If your current pain meds are too sedating, you can ask your doctor for a different pain treatment plan. Often, post-surgical pain is treated with a combination of an NSAID and acetaminophen. I am not suggesting you take these OTC meds. I am simply giving an example of potential alternatives. I am not a medical professional Special attention must me taken re: liver and kidney function, etc. Please contact your doctor about ALL of your symptoms.

I've seen you move between your mood states. You do experience rather severe depression. The good news is that your mood does change with time.

You've described being quite skilled in your meditation practice. Is this anything you can manage during this very distressing time?

Are you recovering alone? Are your parents or your ex-wife around and able to help/support you?

Keep reaching out.

I hope you have a better day today!

It has been a long journey for him. Maybe this saves him some effort, but if memory serves...

He had some sort of issue that resulted in surgery that left him with a colostomy. He dealt with the pain and recovery from that and then had to wait longer to have it reversed due to Covid. He had it reversed and has had some complications with recovery including having to have the wound repacked last week I think... It has been a long and painful road.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by fern46

It has been a long journey for him. Maybe this saves him some effort, but if memory serves...

He had some sort of issue that resulted in surgery that left him with a colostomy. He dealt with the pain and recovery from that and then had to wait longer to have it reversed due to Covid. He had it reversed and has had some complications with recovery including having to have the wound repacked last week I think... It has been a long and painful road.

@fern46 Thank you!

SorryShaped, I am so sorry for all you are having to deal with.
My BIL went though a similar procedure. He was also in a lot of pain. He had his reversed, has a "J Pouch" and lives an incredibly active life! I am amazed!

I'm not mentioning this to discount your pain in any way.
I am hoping my sharing this might offer even a smidgeon of hope.

Love and prayers

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by fern46

It has been a long journey for him. Maybe this saves him some effort, but if memory serves...


He had some sort of issue that resulted in surgery that left him with a colostomy. He dealt with the pain and recovery from that and then had to wait longer to have it reversed due to Covid. He had it reversed and has had some complications with recovery including having to have the wound repacked last week I think... It has been a long and painful road.

Very close. I have two spots that are open wounds, one was cut open a week after I was released from hospital, and both have to be packed daily. The bottom one gets packed in two directions with about 18 inches of rolled gauze. The top one is smaller with about 12 inches of gauze going in. I only yesterday was finally able to watch it being changed. I've constantly got the shivers too, even outside.
I've been crying during alone times, even in the bathroom but I keep it to myself. I have another tele appointment with my therapist next Tuesday but it's hard to open up with other people in range of hearing. I'm exhausted now and going back to sleep.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Very close. I have two spots that are open wounds, one was cut open a week after I was released from hospital, and both have to be packed daily. The bottom one gets packed in two directions with about 18 inches of rolled gauze. The top one is smaller with about 12 inches of gauze going in. I only yesterday was finally able to watch it being changed. I've constantly got the shivers too, even outside.
I've been crying during alone times, even in the bathroom but I keep it to myself. I have another tele appointment with my therapist next Tuesday but it's hard to open up with other people in range of hearing. I'm exhausted now and going back to sleep.

This sounds so very trying.
I am sure your pain is incredibly severe.

I wish you could just let loose with your need to cry. It would be so good for you and would likely help you somewhat with pain. Maybe you don't have to hide your emotions as much as you think? Possibly?

Are you being closely watched, with vitals taken regularly?
I imagine your ex is doing a great job.

Any visiting nurses in your area?
In this area, they are fantastic with treating pain.

Please keep reaching out.

I am so sorry.

Love and Prayers

[mugwort2]

Could you ask your surgeon(s) to recommend a pain specialist. IDK how terrible the pain is. It does sound on the verge of unbearable. I hope there is some relief for the extreme discomfort you're enduring. My sympathies , hugs.

[SorryShaped]

The mental pain, being unable to do anything for myself, is massive and unbearable.