[Wild Coyote]

Fathers play important roles in our lives.

I'd like to wish each dad a special day today!

I'd love to hear about your Fathers' Day experience(s), either this year (today) and/or great memories of past celebrations.

I'd love to read any tributes to our dads.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL!!!

Thanks for starting this thread, Wild Coyote! I actually just wrote about my dad in the check-in thread. He, unfortunately, has shingles and is quarantined in his room at an assisted living facility. I called him a few minutes ago. He's miserable. I gave him an assignment to create a list of his favorite meals that he'd like when he gets home. He is scheduled to come home in 9 days. He said he's finally going to do it. I hope that is so. I didn't send a card or gift this year. Just a call. My sister sent him a balloon and something else. The assisted facility brought him a mini cake to celebrate the day.

It is very sad when a parent ages in a way that their lifetime personality seems to change, and they abandon many of their lifetime hobbies/loves. I do hope that now, if he can stay away from drinking, that he will become a little more the man he always was. My father was always a wonderful storyteller who loved nature, gardening, fishing, hunting, and family. Though I realize that his physical limitations will prevent him from fully enjoying some of those hobbies, they don't prevent all. He still has all of his children, one living grandson, and his younger brother. He still has some cousins that he always got along with well. I am almost thinking that a family reunion of sorts may be in order sometime soon. He must stay sober and see that not everything is lost. The loss of my mother and youngest nephew were hard blows for him, as was the loss of one of his brothers not long ago. Loss is so hard to deal with, I think especially for people with mental health issues. I know. I even feared we'd lost my dad.

[fern46]

Thanks WC. Happy Father's Day to all who celebrate!!!

My dad is awesome. We did a lot together when I was a kid and he has supported me my entire adult life. He was a rock for me when I had my psychotic episode and he showed me nothing but love and acceptance. He is a wonderful grandfather to my children. We are so blessed to have him. He is now covid free and healthy again. I am so glad.

My husband is an incredible dad. He loves to play and he offers the best fatherly advice. My kids and I love him so much

I'd also like to mention my brothers. They are both amazing in their own right raising a new generation of kind hearted and intelligent kiddos.

[bpcyclist]

Thanks for this thread, WC.

My dad has always been my hero. Dirt-poor boy from West Texas. Dad died when he was a kid in an oil rig fire. Put himself through medical school and made it super duper big in his field. Could have been a senator, the old kind of senator. Back when they were mostly greatly respected, because they mostly did the right thing. Beyond ethical. Risked his job when he was a wee resident because the first female resident in the program he was in was being discriminated against on the basis of her sex. Wound up in the newspaper. Later, stood up to a much coveted club that was discriminating against Jewish people. He stands up for other human beings. My hero.

[Wild Coyote]

I'm enjoying the posts very much!

My dad, as a teen and a young adult was known as "the nicest guy" people had ever met. I have been told this throughout my entire life. My dad did have a good heart. He was incredibly funny and fun-loving. He loved to play with his children, all six of them. He'd give anyone in need the shirt off his back. As a young adult he became addicted to alcohol.

Possible trigger:

He had started to have episodes of seemingly uncontrollable rage. He'd become very abusive and violent. He had made several attempts at becoming sober. His period of sobriety would last 3 weeks at most and usually 7 days or thereabouts. He also had a mood disorder which went unrecognized and not treated. He was self-medicating with alcohol. In the beginning of drinking heavily in order to treat anxiety, depression, even hypomania, drinking might seem like a viable option. It's too easy to find a great friend in the bottle. Over time, the disease (alcoholism) progresses and betrays us.

His rages worsened and went untreated . He had eventually assaulted people which resulted in him spending time in jail. He could not stop the train headed for an eventual wreck.

I loved him very much and was very upset when I would watch him be arrested and knew he would spend time in the local jail. Sometimes, I was the one who called on him in order to save my mother and to stop the violence in our home. Even so, I would send him a card I had made and his favorite pajamas and robe by taxi, waiting for the day he would be released. The local jail was just 4 blocks away; it was difficult to not be able to visit him.

He'd be released, would be sober, would beg everyone for forgiveness, would talk of how much he had wished to be "normal." He was very ashamed of his behaviors He would be raging again that same night. I was afraid of him; yet also loved him deeply. I had continued to hope he would find a way to get the help he needed. He was very unwell, in many ways. His frustration with not being able to get a handle on himself, his deep sense of shame, his untreated mental illness, his very progressed alcoholism and all of the consequences thereof had eventually become more than he could bear. I was brokenhearted when he took his life.

Father's Day was always a tough one to get through. My friends would be doing something fun with their dads; my dad was either in a bar drinking, raging like a wild man at home or elsewhere, or was passed out. In time, he was gone.

Not only is this a true and a sad story, sharing this gives me the opportunity to let people know they are not alone if living with these types of challenges.

If you happen to resonate with any aspect of my story: you rage, you abuse others (and yourself) in word or in actions, you are self-medicating with alcohol or street drugs, your mental illness goes untreated, you feel suicidal -- You are not alone. You do have a opportunities to seek help and to turn your life around. You can choose to write some happier chapters in your life and in the lives of your loved ones. Reach out for support and secure the help you need.

If you have a loved one suffering from these types of addictions, unrecognized and untreated mental illness, raging, abuse in any of its forms, ongoing suicidal threats and other unhealthy, unstable behaviors, you may feel overwhelmed, confused, exhausted, angry, sad, even helpless. Please know you are not alone. Please do reach out for support and for any help you might need. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. I can recommend any of the AA programs (AA, Alanon, ACOA) and NAMI. I am sure there are others programs/services available in your community. A family intervention may or may not be in the cards at any given time. Even so, make sure you are taking care of yourself.

I never stopped loving my dad. I know how much he loved me, as he could show me in the periods where he was "better." I know how devastated he was that his life had progressed down such an unhealthy path. He always felt like he had more time to make the decision to seek help. I am sorry to write that this is not always the case. He'd rejected the help he had needed until his life was such a mess, his assault record was overwhelming to him, he had lost the right to have his family in the same house with him, he could not stay sober, he was chronically physically ill from the effects of years of alcoholism, he could not see a way out of his overwhelming pain. I am sure he would want his story to help anyone to seriously seek the help s/he may need.

Somewhere underneath it all, he was still the "nicest guy," the fun- loving guy and the guy who would give you the shirt off his back if ever you were in need.

I am lucky to have known him in that light before he became so ill. He has my forgiveness. He has my undying love and my eternal gratitude for his love and for all his life has taught me.

He left me with at least one gift : They say I have his sense of humor.
I thoroughly enjoy it!

Love and Healing to ALL!

I so appreciate everyone's shares, as well, Wild Coyote.

I have some of my father's sense of humor, too, and a bit of my own brand. Very often, some things I say, the ways I laugh, stories I tell, and even how I look during brief glances at myself in the mirror are reminders of both of my parents. They are even extensions of my grandparents, and even great grandparents or other relatives I never knew. I try to only focus on the good things, and there are and were in all of us!

[Wild Coyote]

@BirdDancer Thank you for sharing. I am sorry your dad is quarantined and has shingles., I am just getting over the shingles after approx. 6 weeks with them. No fun. I did recognize mine as shingles early enough to get in 3 heavy doses of antiviral meds at the beginning, which probably helped me greatly with pain. I had only gotten in those 3 because I was allergic to both antivirals used for shingles. It is likely my immune-modulating med had triggered the episode. Do you feel like you are a story teller, too? I do. I enjoy your willingness to share. A family reunion sounds like a good time! Oh, I agree! There is something very special about recognizing we have some positive traits of our loved ones!

@fern46 I am so grateful your dad is doing well! Wonderful!!! Your dad amazes me! You are so lucky to have one another, especially during trying times!
I am sure your brothers are outstanding men, too. Yeah, I am very interested in the thoughts of the current youngest generation. I think we have some amazing movers and shakers in the crowd when it comes to making the world a healthier place. Just an inkling .

@bpcyclist Wow! It's quite impressive when anyone sets goals which, if they succeed, will ultimately change their socioeconomic class. It can take a tremendous amount of fortitude to accomplish this. It is thought to be more stressful to the individual than we can imagine. It can be lonely sometimes, as not everyone accepts the transition. It can, at times, be a big adjustment for families, too. I am guessing you enjoy some of your dad's great qualities.

Thanks so much for sharing! You are welcomed to write more! If you think of something and would like to share... have at it!

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

@BirdDancer Thank you for sharing. I am sorry your dad is quarantined and has shingles., I am just getting over the shingles after approx. 6 weeks with them. No fun. I did recognize mine as shingles early enough to get in 3 heavy doses of antiviral meds at the beginning, which probably helped me greatly with pain. I had only gotten in those 3 because I was allergic to both antivirals used for shingles. It is likely my immune-modulating med had triggered the episode. Do you feel like you are a story teller, too? I do. I enjoy your willingness to share. A family reunion sounds like a good time! Oh, I agree! There is something very special about recognizing we have some positive traits of our loved ones!

Oh my, six weeks?!?! I'm so sorry you had to suffer from them that long!

I definitely tell a lot of stories. I consider myself a storyteller. Whether or not everyone likes my stories, is another matter. I've heard some stories from my father perhaps 10 times or more, throughout my life. I can easily finish them for him. Sometimes I retell stories numerous times. Rather than finishing them for me, my husband just puts up fingers indicating the likely numbers of times they were told. I can do the same with a few of his stories.

[~Christina]

((((((((((((((((((((((((( WC )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Oh my, six weeks?!?! I'm so sorry you had to suffer from them that long!

I definitely tell a lot of stories. I consider myself a storyteller. Whether or not everyone likes my stories, is another matter. I've heard some stories from my father perhaps 10 times or more, throughout my life. I can easily finish them for him. Sometimes I retell stories numerous times. Rather than finishing them for me, my husband just puts up fingers indicating the likely numbers of times they were told. I can do the same with a few his stories.

Ha! You just made me laugh so hard!!!!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

@BirdDancer Thank you for sharing. I am sorry your dad is quarantined and has shingles., I am just getting over the shingles after approx. 6 weeks with them. No fun. I did recognize mine as shingles early enough to get in 3 heavy doses of antiviral meds at the beginning, which probably helped me greatly with pain. I had only gotten in those 3 because I was allergic to both antivirals used for shingles. It is likely my immune-modulating med had triggered the episode. Do you feel like you are a story teller, too? I do. I enjoy your willingness to share. A family reunion sounds like a good time! Oh, I agree! There is something very special about recognizing we have some positive traits of our loved ones!

@fern46 I am so grateful your dad is doing well! Wonderful!!! Your dad amazes me! You are so lucky to have one another, especially during trying times!
I am sure your brothers are outstanding men, too. Yeah, I am very interested in the thoughts of the current youngest generation. I think we have some amazing movers and shakers in the crowd when it comes to making the world a healthier place. Just an inkling .

@bpcyclist Wow! It's quite impressive when anyone sets goals which, if they succeed, will ultimately change their socioeconomic class. It can take a tremendous amount of fortitude to accomplish this. It is thought to be more stressful to the individual than we can imagine. It can be lonely sometimes, as not everyone accepts the transition. It can, at times, be a big adjustment for families, too. I am guessing you enjoy some of your dad's great qualities.

Thanks so much for sharing! You are welcomed to write more! If you think of something and would like to share... have at it!

Good Lord, that's a long time to be dealing with zoster! Awful!

[~Christina]

Well My Dad.... He was my best friend. I could write volumes on him. But All I will say is when I lost him to Cancer in 97 it broke my heart and its never healed.. Anytime something happens in my life good or bad I just want to pick up the phone and call him.. I miss his big hugs, his silly humor and he never looked disappointed in me even when I screwed up.... Looking back I think he always just knew something was different about me, even tho I didnt know and I needed more support.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

((((((((((((((((((((((((( WC )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hi Christina,

Thank you for your support and your love.

I enjoy love and support.

I honestly do not want anyone to feel badly for me.
I wrote this to celebrate my dad and his perseverance with his struggles.

I had thought a lot about whether I would write or not.
In the past, I would have skipped it.

Not writing about my dad felt like I was denying him and the role he played in my life.

My dad struggled constantly. He had many wonderful qualities. Unfortunately , many were drowned out by his addiction and his MI.

He, did, I am sure, give it his best, even when were tempted to judge him and thought otherwise. I have since found out much more about HIS childhood. He was a very sad, angry, hurt, traumatized, lost little boy who had not yet found healing. Very SAD for him.

I feel like we can know the unhealthy parts of someone's life and continue to see the beauty of their Being, on all levels. They did the best they could do at the time.

We are all born into this world with our own challenges. We all have some unhealthy parts to our lives on some level.

We are all doing the best we can, even when we are struggling with committing to do the best we can do.

It's all grist for the mill.

Love and Healing ~

[Victoria'smom]

When I was younger me and my dad were really close. As a teenager I was really mad at him as an adult I realize he was just trying to be supportive. I can ask him for anything and he'll be right there for me. I'm very lucky. My favorite memory of him was going to the SU basketball games and then Pizza late at night.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi Christina,

Thank you for your support and your love.

I enjoy love and support.

I honestly do not want anyone to feel badly for me.
I wrote this to celebrate my dad and his perseverance with his struggles.

I had thought a lot about whether I would write or not.
In the past, I would have skipped it.

Not writing about my dad felt like I was denying him and the role he played in my life.

My dad struggled constantly. He had many wonderful qualities. Unfortunately , many were drowned out by his addiction and his MI.

He, did, I am sure, give it his best, even when were tempted to judge him and thought otherwise. I have since found out much more about HIS childhood. He was a very sad, angry, hurt, traumatized, lost little boy who had not yet found healing. Very SAD for him.

I feel like we can know the unhealthy parts of someone's life and continue to see the beauty of their Being, on all levels. They did the best they could do at the time.

We are all born into this world with our own challenges. We all have some unhealthy parts to our lives on some level.

We are all doing the best we can, even when we are struggling with committing to do the best we can do.

It's all grist for the mill.

Love and Healing ~

Wild Coyote, you are evolved to a place I apsire to find some day...

[bpcyclist]

Had a nice little chat with my dad and he was happy to hear from me. He is in a very nice nursing home and they are pretty locked down, so, still can't see him. He is allowed to walk to the store, but that is it. No COVID cases there so far. His nursing home is affiliated with OHSU, the medical school. It seems quite solid. But at least we got to talk. I am relieved.

it's late, but happy father's day!. hope those of you who celebrate it had a good day

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Wild Coyote ))))))))))))))