Struggling to accept bipolar diagnosis

I keep feeling like I want to be in denial about Bipolar but I just read this quote in a book-

We can’t wait around for things to just get better on their own. We need to understand how devastating bipolar can be, and start owning it with courage.

I'm like you, I'm in denial. I'm struggling big style. I wish I could just accept it but I can't

Sorry you're dealing with this. I don't have bipolar, but being diagnosed with depression was a relief to me. I finally knew what the problem was and how to treat it. Now that you're diagnosed, you can be treated properly, and things will start to get better.

Well, hope, I do agree that acceptance can be a key part of dealing with this illness, certainly. What is it about your diagnosis that you struggle with?

There is a part of me that is scared. And another part feels shame because I’ve been realizing how this has impacted my life for the worse. And sad that it took years between my first manic episode and now to finally become ready to face it.

When my pdoc in 2017 started talking to me about Bipolar after I got out of the psych ward, I was upset and quit.

The psychiatrist in the psych ward told me that I had Bipolar.

But I didn’t want to accept it.

However, after my manic episode in March, I got tired of trying to hide this and began to accept it because acceptance will allow me to get on the road to recovery instead of continuing to damage my life.

However, it is a relief to have a name for it because for years, I honestly was terrified that I was going crazy.

It took me many years - decades - and several fairly devastating experiences to finally accept my BP1 diagnosis.

It’s hard to accept sometimes.

I just started reading a book called Owning Bipolar and so far, it seems to be a great book.

Thanks for the support. It helps to not feel alone in this.

You can totally do this!!

Thanks so much! I feel better and hopeful about the recovery journey!

I was 43 when I was about 4 weeks fresh out of IP for suicidal thoughts and on meds that were not doing much yet . My T leaned back in his chair and said... You have Bipolar. I remember think WHAT??? then immediatly I saw my life flash in front of me and said Oooooooooooooo Well that sure explains alot !

I wasnt thrilled to get my Bipolar badge but it helped explain struggles I had over my whole life. I think in some ways people that are older like me, Hearing Bipolar we can see it was in Neon flashing lights, When I was young they didn't really start looking at Bipolar like Pdocs and T's do now. We also didnt have the internet at our fingers to go searching out info, We had to drag ourselves to the library and get heavy as hell encyclopedias and fumble through the pages ...

I would have depressions and that would get me draggng into my doctors office and on a AD and then in a few weeks I'd be going up and that felt great.. Back then I have periods of time were I was hypo/manic for almost a year.. So Id get tired of taking the med .. Why did I need it I felt great???? Well then I'd find my self weeks to months later going back to my regular Doctor and back on an AD I'd go.

If accepting the word " Bipolar " is too much.. maybe break it down by accepting your have XYZ symptoms.. Like I struggle with Anxiety so Im going to work on that. Or I striuggle with feeling Up/down so how can I work on that with my providers..

There are many parts of me that really wish it had been seen in my younger years, I could have gotten help sooner and not had so much trauma and crap to sort out in Therapy decades later. I was diagnosed BP and my 19 year old daughter was diagnosed 3 months later, Shes had struggles but she and I are both grateful hers was caught early and shes doing well, She has some rough times and she digs down deep and fights for stability at times. Be she treats herself with kindness and she knows this is a chemical imbalance and its nothing to be ashamed of..

But its okay to be angry and pissed off that you have a mental illness, Thats a perfectly okay feeling or feeling hopeless..

Take it day by day

Thanks so much for sharing that and for the helpful tips and encouragement. I still have a lot to learn.