Bipolar check-in #48

Plot twist: my pharmacy had the depakote as of yesterday morning, and the script was actually written for a 90 day supply. They called to ask why I wanted to transfer to the other location, because they didn’t understand.

I didn’t even have the energy to get mad.

Anyway, now I have it.

Might be funny if it were not so annoying.

It's wonderful when things work out like that!

I am suffering.

back hurts

leg hurts

kneck hurts

lucky I'm not doing anything today.

yesterday I had a delivery of the malcolm in the middle dvd, think after I've finished here I'll just watch that

that is, of course, if I can hobble over to put the disk in the player

uggg pain.

I feel pretty good today. I have some slight anxiety but it’s not bad. Yesterday I noticed that the neighbor was putting a mini trampoline out on the curb. I asked my mom if she would go out and get it for me. Shes good with small talk and stuff like that plus she knows these neighbors. The neighbors son brought it over and put it on the driveway. When I saw it I was surprised. The thing is not one of those little exercise trampolines but it’s a decent size one. It could easily fit 2 kids on it and still fit in my basement. I’m excited that it will be a good sensory tool and also relieve a lot of stress for me. I looked on Amazon and they are not inexpensive. I am going to set it up today. Also the guy in front of me paid for my drink at Starbucks this morning and I am very happy with the way I am starting to look.

Good morning! I've been up since 6am and got my grocery shopping done early. Trying to get myself motivated clean my house for a couple hours. It's supposed to be nice hot weather today, so I think my son and I might slip down to the pool for 2-3 hours this afternoon.

Mountaindewed, the trampoline sounds fun! Also, almost anything people in my area put to the curb gets taken. That can really be helpful sometimes, instead of struggling to get rid of things in other ways.

scatterbrained04, I got most of my cleaning done already. For me, it's just getting started that's the hardest. Then I get going and make good progress.

I don't have much to say today. There's a ton on the horizon, but I'm sort of shutting off my brain not to go crazy over it all. My husband and I have worked on some little projects. Ones that would be super low priority if/when the blank hits the fan. For example, my husband is burning his music CDs onto his hard drive. He literally has around 1,000 or so. If/when we move, they're coming with us. In fact, we want to sell them as a collection on Ebay, if possible. They're mostly all classical music. Books are another project. There are still so many, even though we donated a lot to Vietnam Vets last year. Vietnam Vets and/or Big Brother Big Sister will surely get various things again in the near future.

Just wondering how I'm still alive after all this crap I've done and been through...

Maybe this should be looked at as a gift and an opportunity.

Hugs.

Watching a Goldie Hawn marathon on Turner Classic Movies and enjoying myself. It's the little things, you know...

Struggling w the worst pollen allergies in 25 yrs. So weird. Pollen IgE has been shown to worsen depression in us. Depressed. Coincidence?

Has your depression gotten worse since pollen season started?

I found a great sedentary hobby that doesn't produce anything or cost anything and can be done alone at home:

MEDITATION!

I'm reading "Full Catastrophe Living." I did the first exercise and was dismayed by how my brain natters on and on, just this torrent of thoughts and a new song i like spinning ceaselessly. But i must not judge. I only managed to focus on a few partial breaths. It will take some practice!

I was charmed by the poetry of the instructions for bringing attention to the belly. It said to imaging my belly as a shy animal i have come upon in a clearing in a forest sunning itself on a tree stump!

Excited!

Hugs to all who struggle!

I had a good day in terms of my diet. Ive realy been over eating apparently. Today I stuck to 1400 calories. Especially yesterday- I made my calorie limit but then went out for Mexican. That at least doubled my calories I'm sure.

N3 came over to start working on his rooms. At least he got something done.

I'm far to behind to catch up, Sorry Ya'll. Hope everyone is hanging in there !

I am okay, Tired but ok, Steve is doing okay thankfully , I keep waiting for that other shoe to drop tho.

I found a neat bracelet store ZOX they sell elastic bracelets with positive quotes .. Anyway 10.00 a piece and I got 25% off so I got my daughter and I one that says Perfectly Imperfect... Anyway .. they have lots to choose from all colors and prints.. I like a bracelet I can just leave on 24/7 I can shave that much off my grocery budget.

When I dropped and shattered my phone screen 2-3 weeks ago ( $90.00 fix ) , even with tempered glass, but my Camera has been coming on and off .. well it finally died, So had to upgrade. I am so careful with my stuff!!!!! Im so angry I dropped it. Anyway I have a new IPhone 8 plus coming, Ordered a new wallet case last night, But just another increase of the cell bill.. Grrrrrrr

No problems with my meds, I see no difference nor side effects , well I'm always hotter when on psych meds.

Week 5 of no hot water Steve was able to replace the floor that was under the broken dead water heater, it had been leaking for a long time so he had to replace the floor down to foundation. He thinks we will have have hot water this week... Hes got to build up a wall so the Tankless water heater can be attached and he has to run water lines and gas lines into the things.. I am just forever grateful that its not winter..

Huge everyone, Hopefully I can get back in the swing here soon , I'm working on my painting often, Its a wonderful distraction. I am very glad I bought it.

Hugs all

Maybe. Probably.

Meditation has become a sanctuary for me. Do not judge. Just do it.

Hugs.

I bought a chocolate cream pie and ate a third of it cuz I was sad. Oh well.

if I am honest: I think it's going to be a repeat of yesterday

intense pain since 3 A.M

intense feeling of hopelessness since 3 A.M

and no plans at all. I did eat my fruit salad for breakfast though, so even if today turns out to be a complete right off, I have that going for me. I had a healthy start to the day

Bpcyclist, my sinus stuff has been badly lately, as well, so I know where you're coming from. I also want to make an appointment with an ENT to take care of my clogged ears. I have had issues with that throughout my life.

Moose, keep up the great work with your weight loss efforts. I have occasional slips with tempting foods, but we gotta just get right back on track.

Christina, I am glad Steve is still doing well. You deserve the bracelet for what you did these past months. Hope your water heat is restored soon!

I wrote so much about how I’m feeling in the things I’m going throughout this post and It all got lost. I’m not going through the effort to write it all again. I’m frustrated, work sucks, none of this is ****ing worth it. I’m not looking for you to try to change your mind or try to remedy the situation that you know nothing about. All I want is to acknowledge how I feel — which is pissed off and frustrated, and see if I can make it through this week without a breakdown.

Now, I know most advice comes from a good place and is supposed to be insightful and helpful but it does depend on the mindset of the person. That’s why I making it clear that I’m not asking for advice, or ways that you think that you can fix my situation. I’m in a mood, ha ha. If you were to pick a fight with me I’m more than likely going to pick back. So as good intentioned as your advice may be , save it for another day or just let it go because honestly sometimes it’s best to just understand someone wants to be heard for how they feel not how you can fix them.


That’s all I wanted to say I guess. I need to sleep now because I’ve got to go back to hell in a few hours. Have a great day all.

No advice. Just a big hug and wishes for things to improve for you soon.
Sorry your post got eaten. That is so frustrating.

Things have been going alright I guess.

Yesterday morning was interesting. I was approached by this guy who was clearly psychotic and very paranoid. I felt very bad for him, especially for how scared he was. He talked about a few different things, and he went from one to another, so it was kind of tricky trying to help, as the goal kept seeming to change. Two things could be accomplished across the street from where we were, but the traffic and noise were really freaking him out, so I offered to walk across the street with him. He didn't want one entrance, so we went to another. I did have to get to work, so I had to leave at that point and could only wish him well.

I've experienced some paranoia, but nothing like what he was. He felt that people were after him and that there was a sniper. My understanding is to not contradict a delusion, so I didn't, and just tried to offer reassurance that "I think" it would be ok and once an alternate explanation (he freaked over a car with IL plates, apparently thinking they had come all that way for him, and I suggested that they were probably just here vacationing). Did I do the right thing? It didn't seem to agitate or annoy him. In fact he seemed to kind of latch on a bit, perhaps appreciating being heard? Some kind of protection?? Any thoughts? I was just trying to be calm and listen and offer what compassion and reassurance I could. Any tips of anything else I could have done? I know people are different, but broadly speaking...

I did end up just missing the bus, but fortunately it was walkable, and I still got to work before opening.

@Innerzone: From observing my IRL support group leader deal with psychotic people i think you did the right thing by not arguing with they guy about delusions. That really just riles them up. I feel it was very kind of you to do what you could for the guy.

@MarcusAurelius: I'm sorry to hear you feel pissed-off and frustrated. I hope things improve soon.

I’m just very tired today. I got tired around 5 yesterday afternoon. I’m pretty sure I had Covid in January. I was very sick for 12 days with Covid symptoms and ever since I’ve had periods where I’ve just had very low energy and have just felt tired and sickish. I also didn’t sleep throughout the night. Although I think I got sleep enough but I’m not sure. But yeah I just have a lot of low energy today. Some anxiety too but my moods are ok.