Bipolar check-in #48

Maybe read a bit on them? Could be...

Really elevated mood. Happy. But any time I feel really happy like this I worry about mania. Sucks

Up and down today. Did lots of good housework but got stirred-up by a ZOOM meeting. Did my meditation but still with the avalanche of thoughts.

Hey, we'll take it, right? Glad you have some relief.

Ii went over in my calories for the day and I'm still hungry. Phooey.

I spent all day crafting a post. I have T tomorrow and I need to go over some things. I still don't feel real but that doesn't bother me as much as how guarded I am with my treatment team. I'm thoroughly confused right now. I'm so thankful for spell check and music right now. I'm breaking.

Just try to tell them what you are experiencing--everything, preferably.

I always try but it's like I get stuck on one symptom and don't get to the rest.

Write it down? It helps me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist I just do have to share that I clearly have become much less stable over the decades Much. Maybe just bad luck or something I spose.

So have I. without a doubt. In fact, it was a week in November of 2011 when suddenly my bipolar symptoms began to go haywire.

Sorry, Beth. This current bade scene for me started in 2018.

I have been taken off Lamotrigine/Lamictal because I developed this strange rash/ulceration on my tongue. It looks weird making my tongue look like it has a scalloped edge.

On the anxiety front, I’m probably the least anxious I’ve been for awhile. My psychologist is going to do something called ‘interoceptive exposure’ with me starting this week. It’s supposed to help with panic attacks. I’m a bit nervous.

Big hugs to those that need them.

Thank you for that, those stories about ECT are encouraging! I was (am) pretty afraid about memory loss but about cognitive decline in particular. However I feel like a huge mix of meds is not beneficial either because it will ruin the rest of my body.

I'll keep Trilafon in mind for anxiety, though to be honest I would prefer to keep away from antipsychotics in the future because of the side effects and dependence issues that are hard to get away from. It's too bad benzos are so addictive or I would take them way more.

I'm actually not sure if ECT does anything for anxiety? I sometimes tend to think about anxiety as a symptom of depression, but then again it can also be a cause. Another vicious cycle.

It’s 6am. I’m home — I had stomach issues and spent a good amount of time in the bathroom at work. I’m just expecting to hear I’m fired. I don’t care— I’m literally over the part where I give a damn about it:

So the depression, the missed therapy and not rescheduling, the med situation (let’s just not go there..), it’s all just not looking too good and are looking like “signs” of something. I’m too frustrated to even fight. Work is just the major cog in the machine that’s making the grinding noises right now. But they’re all rusted and busted up, let’s focus on any aspect of my life and we will see the same issues. lol.

Im going to go to sleep. I hope to have a job tomorrow but if I don’t? Well then I don’t.

What’s my next move? No clue.

Bright side? Still looking for it.

Stress, anxiety, depression, bipolar, mental illness — it can all just go to hell. I’ll never be able to live a life how I wish, I’m sick of that illusion. I’m just f’n sick and tired. And clearly I can’t get this “pissed off” vibe out of my system either lol. Anyway...

Have A good night all .

today I need to write my grocery list for next week.

items I will buy are: coca-cola (which I have been craving all morning), strawberry water, my dinners, and some treats too.

it is hot today (it was hot yesterday, too). got my fan on and cooling spray to hand though. should be good

At first I was functioning well and feeling lousy. Now I'm functioning horribly and feeling great.
Tremor came back.
"Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry
Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really feel I needed to say"

MarcusAurelius, sending hugs I hope your health and work situation improve soon. Thinking about you.

Hugs, Pooky.

Hugs, Marcus. Maybe this is yhe time to focus on brain health?

A little late to the party, but I just wanted to say that I'm so happy for you with your meditation and mindfulness practices. Quite thrilled, actually.

It's so encouraging to see people taking steps to improve their lives. And, dear lady, one of those people is you. Take a moment to pat yourself on the back.

Avalanches of thoughts can happen. It's the pushing through and not letting it deter you that matters.

I’m kinda anxious today but it’s still manageable. This morning I woke up at 3 and it was insane. I’ve been drinking kombucha and that has a very tiny amount of alcohol in it. It shouldn’t be that but who knows. Anyways I had to take a Xanax at 3 in the morning. I took it with my Geodon and then had trouble waking up. I pulled myself out of bed right before 8. Yesterday evening I did a deep clean and got rid of all the candy and ice cream and most unhealthy foods I have. I did mention my change in eating habits to my therapist yesterday and she thinks It’s a good thing but she also thinks I’m sort of restricting even though I think it’s a more of a med thing. Right now I feel fine.

Well that sucked. I was really out of it to the point I had to call my husband in. She did say that she thinks I exaggerate my symptoms sometimes. She's worried this will turn dangerous. She said I often have delusions but that's not psychosis because I understand that they're not proper. Thoughts. I did tell her the thoughts I had a couple weeks ago and then I have trouble being honest with her about them. She said I can't email. Did I can make list and share them with her when I call the word exaggerating keeps playing over and over in my head. I think she used the wrong word. I don't know we'll see what the doctor says next week

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom Well that sucked. I was really out of it to the point I had to call my husband in. She did say that she thinks I exaggerate my symptoms sometimes. She's worried this will turn dangerous. She said I often have delusions but that's not psychosis because I understand that they're not proper. Thoughts. I did tell her the thoughts I had a couple weeks ago and then I have trouble being honest with her about them. She said I can't email. Did I can make list and share them with her when I call the word exaggerating keeps playing over and over in my head. I think she used the wrong word. I don't know we'll see what the doctor says next week

Yikes. I never, never want to hear any mental health professional tell a patient that they "exaggerate." Furthermore, I do not agree that just because you have a degree of awareness about certain thoughts or beliefs being questionable that it means you're not experiencing psychosis. Many people, myself included, have insight into psychotic thoughts, but cannot let them go for fear that they are real on some level.

The new thread is here: Bipolar Check-In #49