Bipolar check-in #48

if I am honest: I think it's going to be a repeat of yesterday

intense pain since 3 A.M

intense feeling of hopelessness since 3 A.M

and no plans at all. I did eat my fruit salad for breakfast though, so even if today turns out to be a complete right off, I have that going for me. I had a healthy start to the day

I wrote so much about how I’m feeling in the things I’m going throughout this post and It all got lost. I’m not going through the effort to write it all again. I’m frustrated, work sucks, none of this is ****ing worth it. I’m not looking for you to try to change your mind or try to remedy the situation that you know nothing about. All I want is to acknowledge how I feel — which is pissed off and frustrated, and see if I can make it through this week without a breakdown.

Now, I know most advice comes from a good place and is supposed to be insightful and helpful but it does depend on the mindset of the person. That’s why I making it clear that I’m not asking for advice, or ways that you think that you can fix my situation. I’m in a mood, ha ha. If you were to pick a fight with me I’m more than likely going to pick back. So as good intentioned as your advice may be , save it for another day or just let it go because honestly sometimes it’s best to just understand someone wants to be heard for how they feel not how you can fix them.


That’s all I wanted to say I guess. I need to sleep now because I’ve got to go back to hell in a few hours. Have a great day all.

Things have been going alright I guess.

Yesterday morning was interesting. I was approached by this guy who was clearly psychotic and very paranoid. I felt very bad for him, especially for how scared he was. He talked about a few different things, and he went from one to another, so it was kind of tricky trying to help, as the goal kept seeming to change. Two things could be accomplished across the street from where we were, but the traffic and noise were really freaking him out, so I offered to walk across the street with him. He didn't want one entrance, so we went to another. I did have to get to work, so I had to leave at that point and could only wish him well.

I've experienced some paranoia, but nothing like what he was. He felt that people were after him and that there was a sniper. My understanding is to not contradict a delusion, so I didn't, and just tried to offer reassurance that "I think" it would be ok and once an alternate explanation (he freaked over a car with IL plates, apparently thinking they had come all that way for him, and I suggested that they were probably just here vacationing). Did I do the right thing? It didn't seem to agitate or annoy him. In Marcus.yeah, good post, IZ. I live down in the Peaseemed to kind of latch on a bit, perhaps appreciating being heard? Some kind of protection?? Any thoughts? I was just trying to be calm and listen and offer what compassion and reassurance I could. Any tips of anything else I could have done? I know people are different, but broadly speaking...

I did end up just missing the bus, but fortunately it was walkable, and I still got to work before opening.

Yeah, good post, IZ. I live in the Pearl and encounter these folks regularly. Found a totally naked manic guy strolling across the Steel Bridge a few wks ago. Stopped to call, but someone already had.

I never know what to do. I feed them stimes. I am not sure. My desire is always to call 911, but I usually do not.

I am trying very hard not to panic but a doctor wants to give me the results of my tests. Not a nurse. And they said they wouldn’t call if the results were normal.

Clozapine was lowered to 300mg because of akathisia, doctor also told me I could take 40 or 80mg geodon PRN

I have a mammogram with ultrasound coming up with a follow up with a surgeon over a growth they found a few months ago. I’ve been waffling about whether to go with COVID. I’ve decided to risk it and go.

My family is getting together at the pool at night on the 17th so they can see M before she starts her senior year and my nephew who leaves any day for the Navy. Pool party!!!

I’m doing well. I float most days for hours in the sunshine. I’m making the most of it because DST is creeping closer. That’s when the depression really hits the fan.

Warmest regards to everyone and hugs to those that are struggling.

Glad to hear some folks are doing well and sorry you're having a bad moment @bpcyclist.

I'm enjoying studying mindfulness. I watched news mindfully and took a shower mindfully and liked them both! My formal meditation didn't go as well as it could have as my belly was full and i couldn't do proper belly-breaths. But i managed to last the 15 minutes with more moments of awareness of my breathing than yesterday, so score. I like reading about mindfulness. It's very uplifting. I'm reading "Full Catastrophe Living."

I feel some fragile hope.

Hugs to all who struggle!

apart from the extreme body pain and the complete lack of sleep?

I had some candy arive for me today (loads of it from the supermarket), run out of plums (so had to settle for peaches and grapes today), and not doing anything.

I can barely walk today

Mountaindewed and Jennifer I hope the test results aren't that concerning, or concerning at all. I am scheduled for some soon, too. One a uteran biopsy. I wish I could get it over with soon, but have to wait for my period to come and then end. It's not coming. There may be some signs of PMS, but that could be wishful thinking on my part.

I have been such a busy bee lately working on projects. No hypomania, just necessity. I have fallen asleep early for days now, totally beat, but therefore wake up at 4 am/5 am.

I really am doing quite well with my diet. No cheating at all. I even already feel and see a difference. I'm going to keep it up. I weigh myself on Fridays. I would like to lose yet another 6 or more pounds before our upcoming trip. I imagine that I will likely gain a little during the trip. Hope not.

Reading a ton of papers for this new book and just learned moms who have flu during pregnancy increased the risk of bipolar disorder in their babies by 4-fold! Wowzer.

So, I wonder, are we going to see an epidemic of bp in babies born in the US in 2020-2021 due to Covid? Interesting.

Well that's just perfect. My wife got the flu twice while pregnant with our twins, despite getting a flu shot. That plus my genes...