[Victoria'smom]

I'm questioning whether I even have SzA or bp or if these meds are just to make me keep weight gain. My meds aren't weight gain medication for most people. How do I know/ trust they're doing the best for me? Do you agree with my current dx? How do I say this non accusatory when I see t next?

[Moose72]

Instead of yes or no I think the choices should be "sza" and "bipolar".

[Victoria'smom]

So yes to both?

[Moose72]

You could make the choices

*Bipolar

*Sza

*Both

[Victoria'smom]

SzA/ bp are so similar to me I don't really distinguish between the two. I don't know how to change the poll.

[bpcyclist]

Right now, I have as much in common w a schizophrenic as a bp 1. My psychosis occurs in the absence of mood stuff. Technically, I have schizoaffective disorder under current taxonomy, but I doubt we will change it. Who cares? It is just a label
What matters is how you deal w it--whatever IT is. Just my take.

[*Beth*]

What bpc said...sza displays psychosis independent of mood, whereas with BD1 psychosis is part of mania.

[fern46]

I think you have affective symptoms and psychosis symptoms which are persistent. I cannot diagnose you, but I do not think your providers are wrong. Considering your prescribers would put you on these meds to gain weight is a symptom in itself. It is a delusion.

If you are truly worried about the weight, have a conversation about it. Some psych meds are more weight friendly than others. None of them are aimed at weight gain, but they can cause it as a side effect.

You're not well MM. Trying to refute your diagnosis won't help. Acceptance and working a plan to address your symptoms is the only way forward. Hugs.

[Soupe du jour]

I must be out of touch, but what does "MM" mean? As for my diagnosis, I have bipolar disorder type 1. I do not have schizoaffective disorder of any kind. I wasn't sure how to answer the question. If your question was do you have either bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder, my answer would be yes.

[Victoria'smom]

"MM " is me. Sorry for the confusing question. So how do I deal with it without being combative? Or do I just tell my therapist " I'm worried that my medicine will make me keep the weight I've gained"? Is there a less accusatory way to me to say it? I need to drop soda for water and grains for veggies but everyone is already all over my eating habits. It'd be so much easier if we were in person that we should see what I look like.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

"MM " is me. Sorry for the confusing question. So how do I deal with it without being combative? Or do I just tell my therapist " I'm worried that my medicine will make me keep the weight I've gained"? Is there a less accusatory way to me to say it? I need to drop soda for water and grains for veggies but everyone is already all over my eating habits. It'd be so much easier if we were in person that we should see what I look like.

Thanks for the clarification, Miguel'smom. I'm sorry I wasn't familiar with your shortened username version. I will say that even now understanding your question, I still can't answer. I do recall a lot of what you've written over the time I've been here, but am not qualified to guess about your diagnosis. What makes it really difficult for me is that some here talk about psychosis even when they aren't blatantly manic or depressed. I used to always assume that meant schizoaffective, but some have rather called it "bipolar disorder with psychotic features". Despite others' efforts to explain the latter to me, I remain confused. I always thought that "with psychotic features" only meant that a person with bipolar disorder has had psychosis DURING bipolar episodes. I thought schizoaffective - bipolar type meant they experience psychosis when NOT in a bipolar episode. Some say I'm wrong that the former requires being concurrently in an episode.

I don't think it really matters if one is schizoaffective - bipolar type or have only a bipolar diagnosis. It all comes down to being treated as properly as possible.

Healthful eating is so important for many reasons, obviously. Mood, physical health, often self-esteem, are just a few. I'm not sure if us seeing each other face-to-face would be beneficial. That's an interesting question to ponder. I've been blogging a lot about my weight loss journey. One commentor on my blog asked how much I have to lose. I've avoided answering that for various reasons.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

"MM " is me. Sorry for the confusing question. So how do I deal with it without being combative? Or do I just tell my therapist " I'm worried that my medicine will make me keep the weight I've gained"? Is there a less accusatory way to me to say it? I need to drop soda for water and grains for veggies but everyone is already all over my eating habits. It'd be so much easier if we were in person that we should see what I look like.

Not wanting diabetes is not being accusatory. It is being assertive for your needs and interests. Just speak the words.

[Nammu]

Doesn’t matter what your diagnosis is we can’t tell you as no one here is qualified to do so. This is between your pdoc and you. If you are on a denial kick again that’s for you to work out with your t . DBT helps tremendously with getting the thought process back on track. Ask about attending a DBT group. Nobody here can tell you bp or sz .

[fern46]

You don't seem combative. Most of us are concerned with weight gain from the meds. I think being honest with your therapist and pdoc is a good start.

This may though be intertwined with eating disorder issues and if so, your therapist should be able to work with you for coping strategies.

Healthy food and drink choices are a wonderful idea. Anything you can do to support your body in that way is helpful whether you're on meds or not. Eating less refined sugar and processed foods has also been shown to have a positive effect on several mental issues, so you may get multiple benefits from making a few changes.

What do you mean it would be helpful if we could see what you look like? People of all sizes struggle with weight and image issues. The goal is to do what you can to be healthy. That comes in many formats and the physical is only one small piece.

[Victoria'smom]

Okay I'll try to tell t tomorrow. I know I regularly concern her so I want to put it the nicest way possible. Yes I regularly practice what/how to say things before going to t.

[Victoria'smom]

What do you mean it would be helpful if we could see what you look like? I meant if t could see me. They act as if I'm seriously underweight when I'm actually overweight. By bmi standards. Eating has become super uncomfortable but I'm still doing it. I swear they want me to keep this weight. It's so frustrating I have elevated cholesterol. So to me and pcp I need the weight gone but pdoc / t are like but you NEED these meds. So I feel they're purposely trying to keep my weight up. I mean I should be loosing but I'm not and i blame the meds. T wants me to get rid of the caffeine so maybe I can use that to replace soda with water.

[Victoria'smom]

@Nammu i don't think im in denial. I definitely have eating issues which should be dealt with. I definitely have issues where my reality doesn't match others and mood issues. The question is more about whether or not im paranoid right now. Me asking about my dx.is more to do with confirmation that they aren't just loading me up with drugs because of the eating disorder.

[fern46]

I think it would be highly unlikely they would be purposefully giving you meds to cause weight gain.Many of us here take similar meds and it has nothing to do with our weight. It has everything to do with our inability to regulate our thoughts and emotions.

Your pdoc and T conspiring to make you gain weight is a delusion. It would be malpractice on their part and they have no motivation to ruin their careers just to see you gain weight. There's nothing in it for them.

They do however have a responsibility to treat your mood issues and the paranoia and the delusions and other symptoms. Their treatment is in line with those issues and appropriate.

Eat healthy and exercise. They will not have a problem with that if you are eating a healthy amount of food and taking your meds. Not eating is not ok. Restricting food is not ok. You are in control of those things. Focus on what you can do to be healthy.

A little while back you had other reasons for not wanting to take your meds. This seems like another iteration of that same battle. I think it comes down to finding a way to accept the diagnosis and work with it instead of fighting so hard against it. I know it is hard to trust T right now, but help has to come from somewhere. You're going to get through this. You just have to start looking for ways through instead of deeper in.

[*Beth*]

Hi MM, You posted that you're providers believe you are underweight, but that you believe you're overweight. You know that those conflicting perceptions are typical of an eating disorder. It sounds like your delusion about your weight and your paranoia definitely need to be treated with medication.

It sounds like the stress of thinking the way you're thinking now is life-draining. You're in a stuck spot. I think a good idea would be to avoid thinking so much about meds, use them to stop the energy draining rumination, and see how you feel after a few weeks. It all feels complicated because you're mind is overthinking at this time. Really, the situation is not complicated; it's quite straightforward.

[Victoria'smom]

It would be malpractice on their part and they have no motivation to ruin their careers just to see you gain weight i needed to hear that out loud. I'm not saying go off my meds (im not 100% on them this week either) which has to change. And I will be the first to admit that. I plan on taking them tonight but I have to pick them up. I need to start tracking everything again.

[Victoria'smom]

you're providers believe you are underweight, they haven't seen me since covid started and I don't own a scale. They're going off of my eating pattern. Which isn't the healthiest but I'm in no way under weight. I know I'm not the most reliable narrator for that.

No matter what I do I'm not loosing weight. So all i can think is it's the meds. But it's understandable that its paranoia that my treatment team meant this.

So I go back to what I can change and tell my treatment team.

[fern46]

I am glad it helped. Sometimes we can be triggered in a positive direction.