[Sunflower123]

Doing much better with anxiety with the aid of Klonopin and reframing things. It is what it is and I’m strong enough to handle the fallout.

Let me just say one last time that I’ve had a tremendous summer and I’ve got one last sunny day to float. After that....bring on fall! Looking forward to getting into the fall vibe and catching up on my to do list.

Prayers for everyone dealing with wildfires.

Hugs to all.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I changed my avatar to a version of me (instead of n3)- a version of me which I aspire to yet again. I want to represent the real me and here I am!

Certainly looks like you, with an SNL expression of wonder...

[bpcyclist]

Rode 90 minutes, gagging on smoke. City and state ablaze, 50 mph winds. But I did it.

Hugs to all. Oh, 6 gm sarcosine a day has ended almost all my depression in 10 days. I am about 70 percent better. Just tiny anhedonia lingering, like always. Might read about it. 35 bucks a month on amazonia. Probably as important as lithium or Wellbutrin for me.

I felt strong enough to go in Scrabble Club tonight for the first time in over a month and i won all my games! Yay!

I ordered from a meal service for seniors since i have been eating so poorly. The first meal i had was good. I still ate junk tho. Sigh! Nice to know i have some proper meals on hand. I ordered late last night and they were here by 2:00pm! Now THAT'S SERVICE!

No change mood-wise tho. Maybe a little brighter.

Hugs to all who struggle!

[*Beth*]

Optometrist appointment went well and I ordered new glasses that I'm fond of. Used to wear only contact lenses, but meds have been drying my eyes out so much.

Besides that, smoke and ash. My son and daughter-in-law live in San Francisco, have been working from home since covid. But they're avid cyclists and were so done with the heavy smoke in SF that they took off and went to Portland (hi bpcyclist ) for a while....where they encountered....smoke from one of the wildfires in Oregon.

Sooo....I'm off to sleep on my ash-covered bed.


This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around....

[Miss Laura]

Yup my Sister my lovely Twin Sister is constantly shouting and arguing with me. Thank god today us our last day at the lodge. Last night our bathroom flooded. I was trying my best but as usual it wasn't good enough. Dhe wasshouting at me and saying I'm no use etc. Charming. Then she shouted at me for snoring. She woke me up to shout at me so I couldn't even sleep in my own bed and was too scared to sleep incase I offended her. I ended up on the sofa for a few hours. But as usual im in the wrong. I can't win.

So fecking half tempted to let the 3 of them go on holiday on their own in March as if its going to be like this no thank you.

How am I today? Raging and in a lot of pain from sun stroke yes in Scotland in September you can still get sun stroke grrrr!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Doing much better with anxiety with the aid of Klonopin and reframing things. It is what it is and I’m strong enough to handle the fallout.

Let me just say one last time that I’ve had a tremendous summer and I’ve got one last sunny day to float. After that....bring on fall! Looking forward to getting into the fall vibe and catching up on my to do list.

Prayers for everyone dealing with wildfires.

Hugs to all.

So glad the Kpin is helping. I cannot take it. Really works.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I felt strong enough to go in Scrabble Club tonight for the first time in over a month and i won all my games! Yay!

I ordered from a meal service for seniors since i have been eating so poorly. The first meal i had was good. I still ate junk tho. Sigh! Nice to know i have some proper meals on hand. I ordered late last night and they were here by 2:00pm! Now THAT'S SERVICE!

No change mood-wise tho. Maybe a little brighter.

Hugs to all who struggle!

I am only 56. Could sure use food help. Gonna look into it.

Hugs!!!!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Optometrist appointment went well and I ordered new glasses that I'm fond of. Used to wear only contact lenses, but meds have been drying my eyes out so much.

Besides that, smoke and ash. My son and daughter-in-law live in San Francisco, have been working from home since covid. But they're avid cyclists and were so done with the heavy smoke in SF that they took off and went to Portland (hi bpcyclist ) for a while....where they encountered....smoke from one of the wildfires in Oregon.

Sooo....I'm off to sleep on my ash-covered bed.


This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around....

Arghh. The entire west coast is entirely ablaze. Our governor is predicting the biggest $$$ losses due to fire in state history. We had a fire the size of Rhode Island a few yrs ago. There is no tax revenue. Awful!!!!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Arghh. The entire west coast is entirely ablaze. Our governor is predicting the biggest $$$ losses due to fire in state history. We had a fire the size of Rhode Island a few yrs ago. There is no tax revenue. Awful!!!!

Yeah, I heard your gov speaking on TV. Oregon isn't in drought mode, is it? If not, I wonder why there are such wildfires happening.

late checking in today because I had an internet outage. (ugg they suck!)

thankfully, they arn't as bad as they used to be (where I lived before), but it still annoys me.

I also got a call from my care team today, I suppose it went well, though their was nothing really to say- the woman just wanted to reasure me " we've not forgotten you", of course, I realise that or you wouldn't have called. but yeah was still good to talk to someone, even if their was nothing really to say.

had a shopping delivery (mainly candy). looking forward to having sausages for my dinner

[Mountaindewed]

I slept from 5:30 last night until about 7:30 this morning. Waking up briefly at 1:30 to grab some melatonin and my Geodon. When I woke up I felt a lot better. I took a shower for the first time in 2 days and watched the AGT from last night. Now I just feel kinda blah and cold so I’m thinking of going to lie down. I don’t feel necessarily sick, just tired. Now it just feels weather related. Not Covid or really anything physically. But yesterday and Tuesday felt like there was something legit physical going on.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Yeah, I heard your gov speaking on TV. Oregon isn't in drought mode, is it? If not, I wonder why there are such wildfires happening.

We are in year 5 maybe? Of a mega drought.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

We are in year 5 maybe? Of a mega drought.

Ah, didn't know that. The droughts are so dangerous.

[Daonnachd]

Hello, all! The power is back on. The windstorm didn't seem as violent as predicted, but we still had a precautionary shutdown for two days. On top of that, we have smoke blowing into our county from other counties darkening the sky to an eery, oppressive yellow. It was really dark in the house when combining both those things.

Now we have power I'll be cleaning out the refrigerator and hovering the floors. ...and making myself a second pot of coffee to make up for the coffee that I missed yesterday. (Tuesday I was in town for work so was able to get myself a quad espresso as a substitute.)

Had a strange dream last night of one of my former students being taken away from the classroom then sending me a letter saying she had been taken to the mental hospital. Her friends were distraught so I told them I, too, had spent time in the psych ward. After that I was driving around the posh part of town in an old Porsche 911 looking for her parents.

Ok, enough tangents. How am I actually doing considering it's been more than four weeks since my last ECT and I normally dip into a mild to moderate depression in that fourth week? Surprisingly, things don't seem so bad. I think it may be because I now have a long drive at that crucial crash point wherein I get to listen to my favourite music at high volumes (and high speeds) on the way to and from the covid test. It sort of seems a prophylactic mood-lift.

...and back to a tangent, going for the covid test on Tuesday I saw a raptor, a very large one. I was driving so obviously wasn't able to study it, but in retrospect I'm wondering if it wasn't a golden eagle. Throwing that out there for any of you who enjoy the odd bird.

[Moose72]

Trying to get ahold of my case manager who said she'd help me with this paperwork. I left her a message yesterday and her voicemail says she will get back to "you" "the next business day". So that's today. I hope she calls.

My mom is coming over to help tackle the kitchen! I feel at such a loss here typing this instead of DOING SOMETHING! Talking with Caleb at the moment. He invited me to a wedding but said "It's too bad you don't live closer". He does not want to come pick me up for this and bring me back to his place. Oh well. I'm calling "covid" and I don't want to go anyway. So I guess I'll post this and call my mom to see when she wants to come over here.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

My second fave Euro city. But, last time there for work I got screamed at for not speaking Spanish. Touchy.

Does Bahthelona have the prettiest girls in Europe? Maybe. Maybe. Probably.

Those Euros and their alcohol...

I'm glad you had a nice experience in Barcelona. I have to admit that it hasn't impressed me much... yet. I guess I just have a different set of preferences. I like that it is an extremely bike friendly city. Did you ride a bike a lot in Barcelona?

We are staying across the road from beaches, including a nude beach. Some people fully nude. The sand is kind of brownish in color.

Today we went to the Gothic quarter and to a notable cathedral. Tomorrow we might see the buildings by Gaudí. As for the food, haven't had enough here to decide by a long shot. Plus, it's tough with my husband's garlic allergy. I think Catalan food is heavy garlic focused. I look forward to tomorrow as a museum day. Dali Museum maybe? I also like Joan Miro, and they also have a Picasso Museum.

I suppose I am just more of a Francophile. Again, I am sure much more time would be needed for me to establish any firm thoughts on Barcelona. I think Seville (which I visited years back) is likely prettier in my view. I love their azulejos.

I think Barcelona is likely one too many places on our itinerary. Perhaps in the future, we will visit again with a different mindframe. I just feel so ill at ease in Barcelona. I felt good in France. We will return to France (southern) the day after tomorrow. Then on to Czech Republic, some days later.

[Daonnachd]

@Soupe du jour I just have to say, Comunitat de Valencia. I lived in Sagunto for two years. Barcelona is nice and all, but Sagunto has a Roman theatre. It's just a couple of hours down the road from Barcelona. ... and Sagunto has some awesome paella. I could go on... Like, look into the towns of Albarracín and Morella. They're both very cool - and off the beaten path. There are cave paintings accessible around Albarracín. Morella is an all-around lovely experience with a castle on top of the hill. Be prepared to walk. Oops, I guess I did go on. Cultural adventures rule!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

@Soupe du jour I just have to say, Comunitat de Valencia. I lived in Sagunto for two years. Barcelona is nice and all, but Sagunto has a Roman theatre. It's just a couple of hours down the road from Barcelona. ... and Sagunto has some awesome paella. I could go on... Like, look into the towns of Albarracín and Morella. They're both very cool - and off the beaten path. There are cave paintings accessible around Albarracín. Morella is an all-around lovely experience with a castle on top of the hill. Be prepared to walk. Oops, I guess I did go on. Cultural adventures rule!

Thanks so much for these tips, Daonnachd! I copied and saved them. I know visits there can't happen this trip, but certainly during future ones, assuming we will relocate to Southern France in a year or so.

I love paella, too. I've made Paella Valenciana a few times (without the garlic) and it turned out well. I would also enjoy ones with seafood. I don't make them because my husband won't eat clams, mussels, squid, or octopus. Mussels and calamari seem to be popular here in Barcelona. I've seen them on various menus. Maybe I will order one tomorrow.

[Moose72]

I opened the paperwork. First thing is says is I need copies of my gas/electric bill and my water bill! Well, I THREW THOSE OUT the other day! UGH. Why? Because I'm stupid and I was in blind-get-rid-of mode! So, I had to call and ask for them to be emailed to me so I could print them. I hope they're good enough! I don't trust the mail to get the gas/electric bill to me in time though I DID ask for them to snail mail me, too. The water bill was in with my portal where I pay water and rent on my desktop. (User and pw are saved there and I can't get the pw to work on other computers and I have no printer.) I also need copies of my tax returns and I don't have them because I applied for the stimulus by filing with a simple form even though I didn't actually file because I don't make enough money. So now I have to mail the form in and it probably won't arrive in time! I TOLD you this paperwork sucked ***...

OH- and my mom IS coming over now. Hopefully with the bills she printed for me. That's SOMEthing at least.

[bpcyclist]

The apocalypse is here. There are actually no clouds whatsoever on satellite. Ran 6 miles. I smell like a campfire.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

The apocalypse is here. There are actually no clouds whatsoever on satellite.

That's what it looks like down here, too.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

The apocalypse is here. There are actually no clouds whatsoever on satellite. Ran 6 miles. I smell like a campfire.

I'm sorry that what is clearly climate change is hurting so many, including wildlife! I vote to fight climate change.

Take care of yourself. This must be so bad for your well-being. Hugs

[Mountaindewed]

I’m still feeling decently. Still tired but not feeling too bad. My mom is out of state on a small family vacation which I’m nervous about but so far she seems to be doing ok and is staying 6 feet away and they are mostly outside. Also it’s been too cold to go to the lake which I think is where it’s bad. Plus she found some flavors of soda for me that are not available in my state. So I feel like it’s kinda working out for me too.

[*Beth*]

Today is a different color. Yesterday was deep yellow/amber. Today there's a grey haze over everything and ashes are falling. I have to take my recycling out and I keep putting it off because of the air and that smell...I'm so weary of smelling smoke.

I have been feeling very anxious and uncomfortably depressed/hypomanic/depressed/mixed state is the best way to put it. A low, but persistent level of paranoia. Pdoc raised a couple of med doses starting Tuesday; I might be feeling a bit more stable today. Honestly wish I could just lie in bed and sleep until tomorrow, just rest my mind and body while I feed myself meds to stabilize, lol.