[Crook32]

I have spent the last two days in bed. I am pretty sure my depression is getting worse. I tried calling my pdoc but his office was closed for the holiday weekend I wanted to up my dose. I can’t tell where the mental and physical symptoms start and stop. I have an appt Tuesday with my primary care. Today I refused to turn on my camera for therapy and had my head down on my desk so I wouldn’t have to look at her. I have been sitting here thinking about what pills I have and what order I should take them in. I feel so hopeless. I am tired of the rollercoaster. I am tired of just waiting if I get better physically because that seems to be their plan. I am just tired. I can’t function. I want to quit my job for health reasons but my wife won’t let me she says 41 is too soon to retire.

[*Beth*]

It sounds like there's no back-up for your pdoc, so I'm going to throw out an idea.

Since you have an anti-depressant on hand, start taking the higher dose. If your pdoc is upset with you on Tuesday - tough shite. He has no back-up and you need to take care of yourself.

My pdoc has no back-up, either and once I had to make a management decision about my meds. She was annoyed with me, but I reminded her that since she has no back-up, I had to take care of myself. Fact.

The only other option I can think of is (the usual) - going to the ER. They may put you IP, though, which might be rough with the physical symptoms you're having.

You have to take a healthy step, Crook. Right now you've lost objectivity because you're having a rough time and you're in that place where your mind is go around and getting nowhere. Such times do not last. You will find out what's wrong and you will stop feeling so depressed.

Remember that depression itself is a physical illness that needs treatment.

Please do what you need to do to keep yourself alive and moving forward. Let us know what you've decided to do (my vote is that you start taking the increased AD)

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I saw elsewhere you said you couldn't do ketamine because you are on lamictal. But didn't ketamine help you quite a bit? Would it be worth a lamictal break to get some ketamine treatments?

[MuddyBoots]

Hang in there, Crook. Beth and Beyond gave some good suggestions. I wouldn't be too worried about increasing the dose of your meds a bit until you get to talk to your pdoc to get further guidance. Sending healing vibes

[Fuzzybear]

Hang in there Crook, good advice from all

[bpcyclist]

Hugs! I completely agree w everything above. Action.

Be kind to yourself. Do not give up. We are here for you. We all love you.

[Crook32]

I increased my clozapine I hope it works quickly on the SI. I am starting to feel like it is all in my head but my dr keeps telling me it isn’t. I see her Tuesday and am afraid she will want me in the hospital. I can’t go again. I have no leave from my last trips to the hospital. Only been on this job for 8 months. I went on leave after just working 11 days. And I have been out 2 more times after that. Can’t use FMLA yet. I feel stuck.

[*Beth*]

How do you feel about your medical team? Do you think they know what they're doing?

[Crook32]

Originally Posted by BethRags

How do you feel about your medical team? Do you think they know what they're doing?

I like my medical team. I like how my pdoc lets me make decisions on meds and dosage. I just have a lot of fatigue right now and bad thoughts. I just don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

[*Beth*]

I think it's terrific that you feel good about your team. That's so important.


It seems clear as day that your depression is not being treated properly. I mean, almost anyone having unresolved health problems is going to feel extremely concerned, even depressed. I get that. It just sounds to me that aside from the health probs, your mental health is suffering so badly. I hope your pdoc is aware of how deep your depression is, you know

[Crook32]

Feeling better today still not great but I was able to shower and do my kids parent teacher conference. Upping the clozapine seems to have helped.

[*Beth*]

Excellent!

[Fuzzybear]

I'm glad you're feeling better than before. I hope things continue to go in a positive direction!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

One good thing about clozapine is that higher doses kick in quickly. When I start to have hypo symptoms I can take a few days of a slightly higher dose and feel better nearly immediately. No more mania for me. It's like magic. I hope it continues to help you.

[Crook32]

I get to see my pdoc in person on Friday.