[bpcyclist]

Way behind reading. Sorry. Mood pretty good at 7ish out of 10. Busy with various things.

Doing therapy to integrate. Scared and sad. So sick. Oh well.

My building has had a very large Covid outbreak. No idea what to do. Asymptomatic. Cannot not get prescriptions or food. Had to go to the food bank for first time. Used to volunteer there. Money should be very solid from here on out, luckily.

So. Have to try not to die. I have had more vaccinations than most people and am O-positive, which does offer some protection. Will pray and do my best. Happy to die now if He so wills. But maybe not. He has indicated to me that I will be doing a number of things for him in the future. In my pretty vast experience, these things do come true 100 percent of the time. It is actually not possible to prevent them, no matter how clever you think you are and however hard you may try.

Hugs and support. Any Covid advice appreciatedm

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

My grandfather passed away overnight. My mother is very distraught, as is my grandmother. I chose to stay home with my son today as he was supposed to go to my mother’s for remote school.

I am doing what I always do which is push down my emotions and keep a strong facade. I imagine that will only last until the funeral. For some reason I feel like I don’t deserve to be upset. Not sure why.

Oh, I'm so sorry wildflowerchild! You DO deserve to be upset. It's OK. Please be kind to yourself, ok?

[Mountaindewed]

I feel much better today mental health wise. Although I haven’t eaten in almost 24 hours. I swear it was the visteril. I’m getting chipotles in a bit. My pain is pretty bad today. It really does seem like one day is good and the next is bad. I’ve managed with just 2 extra strength Tylenol. The right side is really swollen so I think they will have to drain it on Monday. Hopefully it won’t be too painful or add too much more time to my recovery.

[wildflowerchild25]

I am trying desperately to hold it together. I am at work (on my break). I really feel my head exploding right now, trying to act like nothing’s wrong. My chest is very tight. I’m not used to this...it’s so strange to be feeling like this from an external source. I am used to this coming from within my mind. Knowing ok, it will pass, it is not real, it’s my brain trying to trick me.

But this is real. It is not a trick. There’s nothing I can do about it. I feel helpless. I figured I really wouldn’t be that upset because I, of course, am a stone hearted *****. But I guess my heart is not complete stone.

Funeral is Thursday.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Way behind reading. Sorry. Mood pretty good at 7ish out of 10. Busy with various things.

Doing therapy to integrate. Scared and sad. So sick. Oh well.

My building has had a very large Covid outbreak. No idea what to do. Asymptomatic. Cannot not get prescriptions or food. Had to go to the food bank for first time. Used to volunteer there. Money should be very solid from here on out, luckily.

So. Have to try not to die. I have had more vaccinations than most people and am O-positive, which does offer some protection. Will pray and do my best. Happy to die now if He so wills. But maybe not. He has indicated to me that I will be doing a number of things for him in the future. In my pretty vast experience, these things do come true 100 percent of the time. It is actually not possible to prevent them, no matter how clever you think you are and however hard you may try.

Hugs and support. Any Covid advice appreciatedm

I'm so very glad you're in therapy, cyclist And of course, you have us here

Yikes, not pleasant that your building has a covid break-out. Were people kind-of lax about mask wearing? I've been a little jumpy about my apartment building...most people don't wear masks when just walking around the premises. I've completely forgotten several times, myself.

[*Beth*]

I'm feeling stable mentally, but physically I'm definitely having a reaction to meds. Shaking from jaw to arms/shoulders and feeling short of breath and so hot. My body temperature is not regulating properly. Fortunately, I have an appt. with my pdoc this afternoon. I hope she's in a helpful mood.

Scheduled a pedicure for later today and I am so excited! The nail salons have been closed for many months, but have finally re-opened this month. I went into surgery in May with not such nice-looking feet and by now, after casts, I really need to care for my feet. I am a bit (okay, a lot) anxious about covid, but I'm going to take the chance, since our county cases have been low.

[Moose72]

Guess what? I have a credit card! The credit union called this afternoon and I went over to pick it up instead of waiting 2 weeks for them to mail it. Not that I'm going shopping today, but I figured why not just go get it? The last time I had a credit card was probably 15 years ago. And the credit limit is just what I hoped for. Not that I'll be "maxing out" my card, but I don't need a ton of credit line right now.

[Soupe du jour]

bpcyclist, do stay safe. I'd maybe consider wearing gloves and/or washing your hands extra often.

BethRags, enjoy the pedicure!

wildflowerchild, it's understandable the emotions you are experiencing. It sounds like you are doing your best. Please recognize that.

[Soupe du jour]

The painter/handyman is nearing the finish of his work at my house. There are just relatively minor tasks left for him to do, including some outdoor work that must be done tomorrow, since it's raining. I really liked him and his work, on the whole, but he's not the greatest communicator. I don't mean language issues, but things like letting us know if he's gone for the day (to expect him back later) and what time(s). I have sort of told him that we'd like to be kept in the loop with that. After all, we sometimes want to go out and run errands. We don't want to leave our house unlocked without at least him here, or soon to return.

We've decided that we will likely have the stager/photographer come after the floors are done (and "white glove cleaner" comes), but before the windows are fixed. The window people have many excuses for a long delay. Our realtor said it's not worth waiting for them, but that we can simply have potential buyers told that the fixes are scheduled. Oh well. Not the ideal, but what are you going to do.

My dad called me today. He clearly knows that I am, in fact, moving in the near future. I scheduled a visit at his assisted living this Sunday. I do want to visit him as often as possible. He said he wants a particular pair of boots from his house. It sure would be nice if my sister or brother would join me so they can look for the boots. That would save me a trip all the way to my childhood hometown.

[Fuzzybear]

@bpcyclist hugs and support

[daladico]

Day 1 of complete med changes (cross-taper).
In the past med changes have made me really suicidal.
Scared for what could come.
Hopeful that the new cocktail will be better.
Day 1: safe.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by daladico

Day 1 of complete med changes (cross-taper).
In the past med changes have made me really suicidal.
Scared for what could come.
Hopeful that the new cocktail will be better.
Day 1: safe.

Day1 - safe. sounds good. I too only commit to one day at a time,

meds have also contributed to me being very suicidal

stay with us, there are (AT least) several of us who try to check in each day

respect to you

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I am trying desperately to hold it together. I am at work (on my break). I really feel my head exploding right now, trying to act like nothing’s wrong. My chest is very tight. I’m not used to this...it’s so strange to be feeling like this from an external source. I am used to this coming from within my mind. Knowing ok, it will pass, it is not real, it’s my brain trying to trick me.

But this is real. It is not a trick. There’s nothing I can do about it. I feel helpless. I figured I really wouldn’t be that upset because I, of course, am a stone hearted *****. But I guess my heart is not complete stone.

Funeral is Thursday.

Deep breathing? Yoga? Walk? Meditate?

Hugs!

[Nammu]

Oh poor mum. She’s 92 and so confused about banking stuff. She has trouble remembering how to write checks so she added me to her banking account. So now I can write the checks for her. She got a new atm card for her credit union and has spent three days trying to activate it. I recently got new debt and credit cards and all I had to do was sign on to my bank to activate them. I’ve offered to drive her down to the credit union but part of the problem is she was referring to the card as a credit card, it’s a atm card. I keep trying to explain the difference but she gets confused. I’m afraid it’s all a bit much for her. She was raised in an all cash world. Then checks. Credit cards were avoided till they got to be absolutely mandatory for certain things. I’m afraid an atm card is just one too many. She sends me in to use it cause the machine is not friendly to slow moving people. Plus she hasn’t needed cash for a long long time now as I do all the shopping. It’s hard to see her so confused about such things.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm so very glad you're in therapy, cyclist And of course, you have us here

Yikes, not pleasant that your building has a covid break-out. Were people kind-of lax about mask wearing? I've been a little jumpy about my apartment building...most people don't wear masks when just walking around the premises. I've completely forgotten several times, myself.

Thanks. No, yeah, it's Portland. Everyone is hyper responsible and competent and wears, like, filtered scuba tanks at all times.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm feeling stable mentally, but physically I'm definitely having a reaction to meds. Shaking from jaw to arms/shoulders and feeling short of breath and so hot. My body temperature is not regulating properly. Fortunately, I have an appt. with my pdoc this afternoon. I hope she's in a helpful mood.

Scheduled a pedicure for later today and I am so excited! The nail salons have been closed for many months, but have finally re-opened this month. I went into surgery in May with not such nice-looking feet and by now, after casts, I really need to care for my feet. I am a bit (okay, a lot) anxious about covid, but I'm going to take the chance, since our county cases have been low.

Hope the appt. is good!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

bpcyclist, do stay safe. I'd maybe consider wearing gloves and/or washing your hands extra often.

BethRags, enjoy the pedicure!

wildflowerchild, it's understandable the emotions you are experiencing. It sounds like you are doing your best. Please recognize that.

Thanks, Soupe. Good ideas. Off to RiteAid maybe.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

The painter/handyman is nearing the finish of his work at my house. There are just relatively minor tasks left for him to do, including some outdoor work that must be done tomorrow, since it's raining. I really liked him and his work, on the whole, but he's not the greatest communicator. I don't mean language issues, but things like letting us know if he's gone for the day (to expect him back later) and what time(s). I have sort of told him that we'd like to be kept in the loop with that. After all, we sometimes want to go out and run errands. We don't want to leave our house unlocked without at least him here, or soon to return.

We've decided that we will likely have the stager/photographer come after the floors are done (and "white glove cleaner" comes), but before the windows are fixed. The window people have many excuses for a long delay. Our realtor said it's not worth waiting for them, but that we can simply have potential buyers told that the fixes are scheduled. Oh well. Not the ideal, but what are you going to do.

My dad called me today. He clearly knows that I am, in fact, moving in the near future. I scheduled a visit at his assisted living this Sunday. I do want to visit him as often as possible. He said he wants a particular pair of boots from his house. It sure would be nice if my sister or brother would join me so they can look for the boots. That would save me a trip all the way to my childhood hometown.

Coming together--awesome job!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by daladico

Day 1 of complete med changes (cross-taper).
In the past med changes have made me really suicidal.
Scared for what could come.
Hopeful that the new cocktail will be better.
Day 1: safe.

so proud of you, dal. This will be totally worth it!! You can do this!

We are here for you. Reach out. Let us know how you are feeling, so we can help you stay on track.

You got this!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Oh poor mum. She’s 92 and so confused about banking stuff. She has trouble remembering how to write checks so she added me to her banking account. So now I can write the checks for her. She got a new atm card for her credit union and has spent three days trying to activate it. I recently got new debt and credit cards and all I had to do was sign on to my bank to activate them. I’ve offered to drive her down to the credit union but part of the problem is she was referring to the card as a credit card, it’s a atm card. I keep trying to explain the difference but she gets confused. I’m afraid it’s all a bit much for her. She was raised in an all cash world. Then checks. Credit cards were avoided till they got to be absolutely mandatory for certain things. I’m afraid an atm card is just one too many. She sends me in to use it cause the machine is not friendly to slow moving people. Plus she hasn’t needed cash for a long long time now as I do all the shopping. It’s hard to see her so confused about such things.

You are doing a sweet thing, Nammu.

[Mountaindewed]

One of my biggest secrets is that sometimes I hear voices. Nothing sinister it’s just kind of like a radio in the back of my head saying random stuff. It doesn’t cause me any distress so I can ignore it. I just spent 5 minutes hearing the same line of Midnight Train to Georgia. I have never mentioned this to anyone.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Oh poor mum. She’s 92 and so confused about banking stuff. She has trouble remembering how to write checks so she added me to her banking account. So now I can write the checks for her. She got a new atm card for her credit union and has spent three days trying to activate it. I recently got new debt and credit cards and all I had to do was sign on to my bank to activate them. I’ve offered to drive her down to the credit union but part of the problem is she was referring to the card as a credit card, it’s a atm card. I keep trying to explain the difference but she gets confused. I’m afraid it’s all a bit much for her. She was raised in an all cash world. Then checks. Credit cards were avoided till they got to be absolutely mandatory for certain things. I’m afraid an atm card is just one too many. She sends me in to use it cause the machine is not friendly to slow moving people. Plus she hasn’t needed cash for a long long time now as I do all the shopping. It’s hard to see her so confused about such things.

Hi Nammu. Your mum should likely get lots of credit for being able to handle many things up to this point. It's good that you can now assist her. My sister has power of attorney for my father (who is 78 to your mum's 92) because our dad can no longer handle such things. It's interesting how some people can function so well for much longer than others. Two men in the US are vying for the presidency and both are in their 70s. [Perhaps younger people would have been a better idea, but that's just my view.]

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

One of my biggest secrets is that sometimes I hear voices. Nothing sinister it’s just kind of like a radio in the back of my head saying random stuff. It doesn’t cause me any distress so I can ignore it. I just spent 5 minutes hearing the same line of Midnight Train to Georgia. I have never mentioned this to anyone.

Oh, yes...me, too. Sometimes it goes on for days. Or weeks.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

You are doing a sweet thing, Nammu.

I try to do a sweet thing every day

how about you?

[*Beth*]

Soupe du jour
You have really rocked this!

Nummu, bless you a million times.

Fuzzy, I'm usually a sweet person unless something really triggers me.