[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Thanks, BethRags! I think you are right on the money. We'll see what happens. It's just a little crazy everything that is happening in my life right now.

I will say that if I could get better potency from less Seroquel XR, this new super hunger that's been developing may ease. I know that you fully understand that bugger of a side effect.

Miserably understand it, yes. I think it was Christina who said the AP hunger made even her couch look like it might taste good

[Moose72]

I had the lasagna for dinner. I had 1/4 of the whole lasagna and put the other three quarters in three plastic containers that just were the right size. It's 8:00. I didn't wake up until 12-something today. Why do I sleep so late? What time did I go to sleep? After midnight. I have an alarm set for tomorrow. We'll see if that helps. Didn't set off the smoke alarm. However, my new cookie sheet/baking sheet has the black imprints of two square waffles from yesterday. Tried washing it- no deal. It's non-stick. Watching the Jack Benny show. Jimmy Stuart is the guest star. He looks sort of middle-aged. In an earlier episode, Wayne Newton was the guest star. He said something about his speaking voice, which was very high. Then he went on to sing two songs, both of which sounded just like a woman! His face looked awfully smooth so I wondered if he were a castrato. Or at least, a natural one. Very strange! I'm not sure what year this was, but the Jack Benny show seems to be from the '60's. I looked it up; it's from 1964. Wayne Newton - Wikipedia Apparently, he had children.

[*Beth*]

So our weather took a sudden turn from stuffy-warm to real autumn chill and wildly windy. I am so grateful for the cooler weather, but the sunlight is lower and the usual feeling of dread/gloom/grief/loss (I guess it's depression? But it feels like vicious anxiety, too) has crept in a bit today. It's by no means really bad, yet. I can handle it, at this point. This year will be especially challenging because of not seeing my pdoc and T f2f. Oh, well...back to "telemedicine is better than nothing."

I miss my children, they're so into their own lives - which is wonderful! - it's just that I miss them. And I sure don't see any grandchildren coming along. With the exception of my older sister and my BIL all the older people in my family are dead. It's at this time of year that the losses feel acutely present.

Anyway. I could ramble on. Off to watch the World Series.

[Sunflower123]

Checking in. The Sonata worked the first night. Some residual drowsiness but nothing I can’t handle.

I’ve been in a 3 day Dreambuilders workshop designing a life I would love to live and it was really clear to me that among other things I want to live in the same city as my daughter. It looks like a move might be in my future. I like the thought of a fresh start and being close to the mountains. It might be just what the doctor ordered.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Checking in. The Sonata worked the first night. Some residual drowsiness but nothing I can’t handle.

I’ve been in a 3 day Dreambuilders workshop designing a life I would love to live and it was really clear to me that among other things I want to live in the same city as my daughter. It looks like a move might be in my future. I like the thought of a fresh start and being close to the mountains. It might be just what the doctor ordered.

Wow! That's great! Its a huge step but I know you can do it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Checking in. The Sonata worked the first night. Some residual drowsiness but nothing I can’t handle.

I’ve been in a 3 day Dreambuilders workshop designing a life I would love to live and it was really clear to me that among other things I want to live in the same city as my daughter. It looks like a move might be in my future. I like the thought of a fresh start and being close to the mountains. It might be just what the doctor ordered.

The possibility of a move to be near your daughter sounds wonderful.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I had the lasagna for dinner. I had 1/4 of the whole lasagna and put the other three quarters in three plastic containers that just were the right size. It's 8:00. I didn't wake up until 12-something today. Why do I sleep so late? What time did I go to sleep? After midnight. I have an alarm set for tomorrow. We'll see if that helps. Didn't set off the smoke alarm. However, my new cookie sheet/baking sheet has the black imprints of two square waffles from yesterday. Tried washing it- no deal. It's non-stick. Watching the Jack Benny show. Jimmy Stuart is the guest star. He looks sort of middle-aged. In an earlier episode, Wayne Newton was the guest star. He said something about his speaking voice, which was very high. Then he went on to sing two songs, both of which sounded just like a woman! His face looked awfully smooth so I wondered if he were a castrato. Or at least, a natural one. Very strange! I'm not sure what year this was, but the Jack Benny show seems to be from the '60's. I looked it up; it's from 1964. Wayne Newton - Wikipedia Apparently, he had children.

Wow, I thought Wayne Newton was much older than he is...actually, I didn't even know he was still alive

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi everyone! I am doing okay. Feeling pretty decent again today. Wasn't too productive overall, but I did get in my ballot. I was waiting until my mind cleared up a bit and I had more energy because I didn't want to mess up the ballot (and also didn't feel able to drive). Also caught up with my partner and we watched a show together virtually. I did make dinner tonight which is something I am trying to be better about. I didn't get to do a hike this weekend since my toe was bothering me, but maybe I can get out this week. Also need to put socializing in safe way with a friend on my to-do list this week. Hope everyone has a great week!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hi everyone! I am doing okay. Feeling pretty decent again today. Wasn't too productive overall, but I did get in my ballot. I was waiting until my mind cleared up a bit and I had more energy because I didn't want to mess up the ballot (and also didn't feel able to drive). Also caught up with my partner and we watched a show together virtually. I did make dinner tonight which is something I am trying to be better about. I didn't get to do a hike this weekend since my toe was bothering me, but maybe I can get out this week. Also need to put socializing in safe way with a friend on my to-do list this week. Hope everyone has a great week!

Thanks for the update, yellow_fleurs. I'm happy you're feeling decent (good/ok) again today. It's always good to hear from you. You've brightened my day today

I hope you have a great week too

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

@Fuzzybear, I'm with Daonnachd on this. You are blaming yourself far too much for other people's feelings/stress. Plus, everyone has nightmares from time to time. Even perfectly content people. Nightmares don't have to have causes.

FuzzyBear, I hope you don't mind me sharing a story from my youth. I thought of it after reading your and Daonnachd's posts. It is a true story. Here it is:

“When I was a child, my siblings passed blame on me for almost EVERYTHING. Sometimes (or occasionally often times) I was the culprit. Then one particular day, my mother came to me with an angry look and said “Did you do ‘such and such?!?!'”

To that I sighed, exasperated by the hundreds of accusations, and said “Mom…Ya know, if I did even HALF the number of things I’ve been accused of over the years, I must really be quite AMAAAAAAZING!” I think I was only 8 years old at that time.

I guess that exclamation rang true enough, and my mom began to laugh. And I began to laugh."


I think something quite similar applies in your case, except you seem to be the one often blaming yourself, versus others blaming you. Or if others also blame you for things, the exact same situation applies. Either way, FuzzyBear my friend, such extreme amounts of blame are just not warranted.

Thank you Soupe du jour, and thank you for sharing the true story from your youth.

I got thru the day somehow. I'm going to bed now so hopefully today is over. Just Monday and Tuesday to last thru before i get some news about my disability benefits. Sigh!

@Jennifer 1967: That sounds like a great plan, to move to be close to your daughter. A new start will be exciting! Your workshop was worth it, to clarify that for you. Way to go!

Hugs to all who suffer!

I just finished watching "the wall", a british game show which I have been watching and enjoying for a few weeks

now I am sat here with christmas music on and burping constantly (drinking too quickly again)

my main hope for today is to eat well. I didn't last night, the food was too dry.

so I hope tonight will be better.... maybe..

[Soupe du jour]

Our upcoming land lady contacted us about a couple of rug questions for the house we'll rent in Czech Republic. Honestly, having to think about the new house there is unwelcome given all still needed for our one in the US.

The dining room and living room flooring guys just arrived. With that installed, all flooring in our house will be ready, save some tile grout cleaning and a little re-caulking I want done in our bathrooms. We (I) will do that ourselves/myself in a couple of days, unless my foot/ankle prevents it. I heard Hubby talking to the guys. I know he likes them already as they pronounced his name in a way he likes. He seems to love how Spanish speakers pronounce it. Not exactly how Czechs do. Even nicer. The guy is even giving Hubby hugely good advice about a particular piece of furniture of ours. I said the same thing, but stubborn Hubby seems only convinced by him. In any case, thank you!

I skipped my morning dose of carbamazepine (Tegretol XR) per my psychiatrist's order. I do not expect any withdrawal effects for at least a couple days. Hopefully not even then.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm a bit stunned.

My psychiatrist emailed me yesterday increasing my base Seroquel XR dose to 700 mg, plus any needed PRN iR. Then a few minutes ago, I see an email from him at 4:30 pm today saying that he thought about my response yesterday, where I then told him about my second recent fall down the stairs, and subsequent injury. He told me to reduce my Tegretol XR by half, that my levels may be too high. Half is 600 mg (I took 1,200 mg). That's a huge quick reduction, I think!

I have blamed Tegretol (carbamazepine) for my past clumsiness a lot, but lived with it because of what it did for me years back. Namely, stopped a long bout of musical hallucinations and disconcerting symptoms that seemed seizure-like. I sure hope they don't return!

I'm obviously a little nervous about the reduction.

I meet with my psychiatrist this Wednesday via video appointment.

I have read that often as Seroquel doses go up, Tegretol levels can go up, too. Oddly, as Tegretol doses go down, the therapeutic worth of Seroquel as a moodstabilizer/antipsychotic often goes up (not down) . The two are not often prescribed together for those reasons, though some, like me, do take them together.

It is possible that my Tegretol level is too high, but I haven't suspected that because I haven't had double vision (diplopia). In the past, I usually experienced that when my Tegretol level was high.

Are you feeling okay this morning, Soupe? How is your balance right now?

Thinking of you. I have vertigo. It puts me on the ground. Hugs!! Be careful, please.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Miserably understand it, yes. I think it was Christina who said the AP hunger made even her couch look like it might taste good

I once ate an entire lemon cake after a big run once on Zyprexa. Yum!!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Are you feeling okay this morning, Soupe? How is your balance right now?

Thinking of you. I have vertigo. It puts me on the ground. Hugs!! Be careful, please.

Hi @bpcyclist. I'm fine. My recent balance and clumsiness have seemed subtle, but exist enough to cause these significant issues. IOWs, I don't feel vertigo or the like. I'm sorry you have. Do you know what it is causing yours?

Mine have made me reluctant over the years to do things like bicycling, which I loved in the past. Even when I have danced, my footing is not on the money. That's a real problem, especially when doing ballet moves.

Several years back, my balance was very notably affected, but that was on Depakote ER (divalproex sodium) and not carbamazepine. I couldn't even plie or squat without falling, or nearly falling.

I may have had mild dizziness early in my carbamazepine treatment, but it was years ago. Diplopia didn't help.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

So our weather took a sudden turn from stuffy-warm to real autumn chill and wildly windy. I am so grateful for the cooler weather, but the sunlight is lower and the usual feeling of dread/gloom/grief/loss (I guess it's depression? But it feels like vicious anxiety, too) has crept in a bit today. It's by no means really bad, yet. I can handle it, at this point. This year will be especially challenging because of not seeing my pdoc and T f2f. Oh, well...back to "telemedicine is better than nothing."

I miss my children, they're so into their own lives - which is wonderful! - it's just that I miss them. And I sure don't see any grandchildren coming along. With the exception of my older sister and my BIL all the older people in my family are dead. It's at this time of year that the losses feel acutely present.

Anyway. I could ramble on. Off to watch the World Series.

This seems to be happening from Vancouver to maybe San Luis Obispo or so. It was 80 here and then, two days later, it is 33. Shocking. Summer to winter. Like that.

My depression is typically Oct.-Apr. So far, this year, my mood is pretty flawless. New med. Yay.

I still have not spoken to my precious son in 12 yrs. Bad divorce, bitter mommy. Sad. My daughter is 12, though, and is going to be doing all school work from my place now. She got an F! Hope I can support and love her.

Be strong. Persevere. It is how we survive together to help each other tomorrow. Hugs!!

Hugs!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Our upcoming land lady contacted us about a couple of rug questions for the house we'll rent in Czech Republic. Honestly, having to think about the new house there is unwelcome given all still needed for our one in the US.

The dining room and living room flooring guys just arrived. With that installed, all flooring in our house will be ready, save some tile grout cleaning and a little regrouting I want done in our bathrooms. We (I) will do that ourselves/myself in a couple of days, unless my foot/ankle prevents it. I heard Hubby talking to the guys. I know he likes them already as they pronounced his name in a way he likes. He seems to love how Spanish speakers pronounce it. Not exactly how Czechs do. Even nicer. The guy is even giving Hubby hugely good advice about a particular piece of furniture of ours. I said the same thing, but stubborn Hubby seems only convinced by him. In any case, thank you!

I skipped my morning dose of carbamazepine (Tegretol XR) per my psychiatrist's order. I do not expect any withdrawal effects for at least a couple days. Hopefully not even then.

How are you feeling today?

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

How are you feeling today?

Thanks for asking, bpcyclist! My mood is much more level than it's been for a long time. No extreme caged animal feeling, and no ultra high energy (rather just right). I do wish my foot/ankle was not hurt. There is so much I'd like to be doing that's difficult with the injury.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Hi @bpcyclist. I'm fine. My recent balance and clumsiness have seemed subtle, but exist enough to cause these significant issues. IOuWs, I don't feel vertigo or the like. I'm sorry you have. Do you know what it is causing yours?

Mine have made me reluctant over the years to do things like bicycling, which I loved in the past. Even when I have danced, my footing is not on the money. That's a real problem, especially when doing ballet moves.

Several years back, my balance was very notably affected, but that was on Depakote ER (divalproex sodium) and not carbamazepine. I couldn't even plie or squat without falling, or nearly falling.

I may have had mild dizziness early in my carbamazepine treatment, but it was years ago. Diplopia didn't help.

Got it. Yeah, my vertigo is of unknown origin. Dad has it. I also have two other aberrant cranial nerves (VI and VII) and have often wondered if my vertigo, an VIIIth cranial nerve disorder, is not, in fact, yet another manifestation of my broader global neurodysfunction. Yes, I have. Prolly need to snag a quickie biopsy of it to know for sure. Love to do thar!

Be super cautious, friend. watch every step.Hugs.u

[bpcyclist]

Great sleep. 8 hours. Brekkie. Albert fed. Happy. Wants to play attack daddy. I have work to do and peeps to support today. Onward.

New, triple secret probation medicine does now after around ten days or so appear to be by far the most effective global bipolar-schizophrenia spectrum illness medication I have ever tried. By 10 kazillion percent. Virtually no side effects. Maybe a teensy, little bit of subtle word slurring every three days or so. That seems to mostly be it for now. Super excited to try to push this out the proverbial door. Eventually. Lotta hurdles. Hafta make my FDA chums super happy at how safe and effective it seems to be. Anyhoo. Baby steps. Hugs to all!!

[Mountaindewed]

I saw the doctor today. And he was all like “everything looks good. Want more pain meds?” I think I just suck at pain management because I’m so scared of getting addicted. He wants to see me again next week. I’m getting tired of seeing them.

Today I’m worn out mentally and physically but not necessarily anxious. Although I almost had a panic attack in the waiting room thinking of some Facebook thing saying herd immunity from the virus meant 15 million people dying. I really need to quit social media altogether.

I plan on talking to my therapist about my issue with her because I just can’t take it anymore with everything else I have going on. I’m exhausted.

Tomorrow I have my first in session Pdoc appointment since February I think and I am going to look totally different. I know he’ll be super cool about it. But I’ve gone off 2 of my meds on my own and I’m not so sure he’ll be “super cool” about that.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I had the lasagna for dinner. I had 1/4 of the whole lasagna and put the other three quarters in three plastic containers that just were the right size. It's 8:00. I didn't wake up until 12-something today. Why do I sleep so late? What time did I go to sleep? After midnight. I have an alarm set for tomorrow. We'll see if that helps. Didn't set off the smoke alarm. However, my new cookie sheet/baking sheet has the black imprints of two square waffles from yesterday. Tried washing it- no deal. It's non-stick. Watching the Jack Benny show. Jimmy Stuart is the guest star. He looks sort of middle-aged. In an earlier episode, Wayne Newton was the guest star. He said something about his speaking voice, which was very high. Then he went on to sing two songs, both of which sounded just like a woman! His face looked awfully smooth so I wondered if he were a castrato. Or at least, a natural one. Very strange! I'm not sure what year this was, but the Jack Benny show seems to be from the '60's. I looked it up; it's from 1964. Wayne Newton - Wikipedia Apparently, he had children.

I saw that Jack Benny episode too last night. I also googled Wayne Newton afterwards for the same reasons. I also saw the one with Peter Paul And Mary and the one with Carol Burnett dressed as the lady from the 1800s. It was interesting.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I saw that Jack Benny episode too last night. I also googled Wayne Newton afterwards for the same reasons. I also saw the one with Peter Paul And Mary and the one with Carol Burnett dressed as the lady from the 1800s. It was interesting.

Great minds think alike!

[Moose72]

I just got an email from the apartment complex saying that there was "police presence" in the complex and they'll give information when they know more. I thought I heard gun shots! That was more normal in my old neighborhood! Once, I saw police outside an apartment in the same building as mine-lots of police cars- with a man with no shirt on with an assault rifle over his shoulder. Anyway, I would've thought that this place wouldn't have those types of problems. At least the complex is admitting it and dealing with it! I've been home except for around noon when I went out to get some Tim Horton's coffee and then later when I took the trash out. I had the TV on when I heard the gun shots so I turned it off, but I didn't hear them anymore.