[Mountaindewed]

Yesterday I saw my surgeon for my 4th or so follow up. He said I could start running. That made me incredibly happy. So I was going to go look at Shoe Carnival and Platos Closet today for some running shoes. But then he said “this needs to come down.” And I knew exactly what he was talking about. The right side is a bit goofy. And it’s been bothering me quite a bit and has been a great source of my distress lately. He says he’s gonna do revisions in 2 months. I’m really happy to get things fixed but nervous to get another surgery. Even though this one won’t be as involved. Not at all. Just the idea of getting through the holidays knowing I’ll be getting another surgery done in January or February may be a bit tough on my moods.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

as long as I don't hear any fireworks today (I shouldn't because of covid restrictions), I am hoping for a drama- free day with no stress

if I do hear fireworks, well that's another story.. they trigger terrible flashbacks, but I have my ear defenders at the ready too

Ugh, I dread fireworks - especially the kind that people set off on the street, and most especially illegal ones. They are triggering, plus they terrify my cats.

But why might fireworks be set off today? Is it a holiday in the UK?

[Nammu]

It’s November the fifth, guy fawkes day.

[Soupe du jour]

Hubby and I took a lot of things to the dumpsite today. The garage and basement are beginning to look more reasonable.

We still need to hire a roofer to fix our roof. The one that originally put the new roofs on should be doing it, but they are MIA. We can't keep waiting for an eternity. They likely have zero desire to ever come.

I've been eating so much lately, but luckily haven't put on much weight. Not sure why, but am glad. I bought a pumpkin pie today at the store. I love it, but my husband won't eat it. Lately I've been telling him that I desire foods that surely won't be available in Czech Republic. It's sort of sad thinking about certain things I may never have again. Though they of course have pumpkins in Czech Republic, I would not make one all by scratch just for myself.

At the grocery store, I ran into a casual friend that I may not see ever again. What makes it sadder is that we used to give each other hugs when we crossed paths. Now with covid-19, that's not happening. And obviously we don't even see each others' faces fully. I was also telling my sister that when I see our dad the last time before our move, I will give him a hug and kiss goodbye, even though the assisted living facility isn't allowing those close interactions. What if it will be the last time? I have to. I will have had a covid test just before (required for the trip to Czechia), so I wouldn't worry about giving it to him. Also, what would they do if they saw me kiss and hug him? Ban me from there for a year? That wouldn't really even matter.

I had a sudden rush of emotion -- negative emotion, today from watching a press conference. It has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the news or things going on but the combative nature reminded me of all the battles I've had to fight to get where I am and the injustices I feel I've been through. I am angry about things I can't change and have happened as far back as 10 years ago. I jusrt don't know why I can't let them go. My life is what it is now, and I just don't want to deal with people. I checked my phone bill for last month. My mom is on my plan. She sent ~1400 text messages. I sent 23. I don't leave the house and I don't keep in contact with anyone -- I don't want to deal with people. I'm so jaded. I just don't know how to change my mind.

I feel like I'm always on the negative and losing end of everything. How I think, feel, and act are always wrong. I am the ignorant one. I am the one in the wrong. Always.

[MuddyBoots]

I CAN STILL DO CARTWHEELS! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER I MADE A NEW FRIEND HE IS PERFECT I
think I’m in love

[Mountaindewed]

I explained things to my T in an email this morning. First I asked her not to fire me for my behavior on Tuesday. I said I think my anti depressant is working. And that I didn’t feel like I could say anything in the last 10 minutes of the session but “I don’t know” like I was physically unable to say anything else. She replied back and said she’s not going to fire me and she said “thanks for explaining that all you could do in the moment was say “I don’t know.” It helps me understand where your coming from.” I have no idea what she means by that, she never thanks me for anything, but I am truly terrified I am losing my ability to verbally communicate with people. But at least it seems like we have come to an understanding with how the session went on Tuesday.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I explained things to my T in an email this morning. First I asked her not to fire me for my behavior on Tuesday. I said I think my anti depressant is working. And that I didn’t feel like I could say anything in the last 10 minutes of the session but “I don’t know” like I was physically unable to say anything else. She replied back and said she’s not going to fire me and she said “thanks for explaining that all you could do in the moment was say “I don’t know.” It helps me understand where your coming from.” I have no idea what she means by that, she never thanks me for anything, but I am truly terrified I am losing my ability to verbally communicate with people. But at least it seems like we have come to an understanding with how the session went on Tuesday.

This is great news!

[Soupe du jour]

We miraculously found a great roofer who literally showed up 20 minutes after we called him. He seemed quite knowledgeable and trustworthy. So I'm going to say the roof is fixed. Hubby is now emailing the suckers who never responded to our emergency, telling them we no longer need the fix...as if they'd ever have come, anyway. I texted our realtor asking her to arrange for the painter to come and hide the water damage marks. As soon as that is done, we'll pretty much only need a day or two more to get the house ready to be put on the market. I have to say that I am the one that really got the ball rolling again. I tend to be much more of a mover and shaker than Hubby.

I made my homemade mac-n-cheese yesterday with my bargain groceries. Boy, it was a lot of work! I used my big kettle pot to mix it and it is really heavy to wash. I made seven large servings for $1.20 each! I put veggies in so it's a complete meal. I was paying about $6 for convenience foods from online groceries for the equivalent meal so it's one-fifth the price! And about half the sodium. About the same calories tho.

I doubt i can cook on a regular basis. It's just too much work. But it was a nice little adventure!

Hugs to all who suffer!

[wolftrap]

Good day today. Productive! Went to the gym. Replaced my screen windows with my storm windows. Called Blue Cross Blue Shield to apply for their Medigap insurance - I'd been putting that one off for a long time. My Medigap insurance doesn't have any psychiatrists in its network, and my psychiatrist is retiring. I measure my days by productivity. Being productive can also mean not doing anything when that's what I need. Tues and Wed the time change hit me hard, so I stayed home and crashed. Didn't force myself to do anything although I have a long to do list. Now going to make dinner!

[Victoria'smom]

I got the refrigerator cleaned out. Helping my son with what his next step in life after he graduates next year. He's so sweet he wants to stick around. Seeing family made me not feel as ****ed up. I love my family but I'm glad to be home.

[Daonnachd]

Today I had to go get a covid test in preparation for my ECT on Monday. Now I have to quarantine until then so there's less risk of becoming a vector and infecting the staff in the ECT department.


Talking with my son this evening about frying up some squash for supper he suggested a soup instead. That's easier so we had soup and a coarse, multi-grain bread. It was a pleasant meal with all of us around the table and no discussion of classes. I'm sure that was a relief for our sons. Both of them are struggling with the online studies and have dropped classes. One was due to the professor's outspoken prejudices against various communities in society though, an attitude my son was unwilling to endure. I'm proud.

surprisingly, I heard quite a few fireworks last night (should have guessed some people would dis obey lockdown). it caused me a lot of stress- like I've said before, I don't like them

didn't sleep (a given)

today just showered (which was really really painful) and ate breakfast

plans for the day: wonder why I'm actually here in the first place

I do have mcdonalds tonight though, that will be yum

[*Beth*]

Temperatures finally dropping into the 60's today! Maaaybe some rain tonight, which would be a joy and a blessing.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Temperatures finally dropping into the 60's today! Maaaybe some rain tonight, which would be a joy and a blessing.

Isn't it nice? As I drove my son to work this morning I noticed he didn't have a jacket. When we got to the office I had to hop out of the car and peel off my jumper so he'd have another layer in addition to his t-shirt.


I hadn't seen rain in the forecast, but I knew that if you were predicted rain then we would be, too. Sure enough, chance of rain in our forecast. Please, please, please, let it be so, dear universe.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel pretty good today. I went on my first run in about 12 years. It felt great. I managed most of the way around the block. I stopped once between 2 houses but I was able to push myself the majority of the time. I was wearing my Vans because I have to return the Nikes I bought yesterday for a smaller pair. I also went to the grocery store I used to work at. I had my stuff on the belt. The cashier who I knew saw me and I didn’t have time to duck and run. So I just dealt with it. But she didn’t say a word to me. Usually she asks how I’m doing and how work is and stuff. But she didn’t say a word just gave me a couple curious looks. I do not think she recognized me and it felt pretty good. Awkward as hell but good.

Some of you may remember how back in late-August i was dreading having to take my dog out for potty three times a day due to our balconies being locked for repairs and having to remove her potty-area on it. Well, the repairs on my side are over at last! Yay! I have lasted over two months with rolling out of bed and taking her out immediately and taking her out after dark at bedtime.

It really hasn't been that hard. A lot easier than i thought. There was only once or twice when i was really peeved about it. My dog adjusted quickly. She fussed the first few weeks and then settled right down.

But with Winter coming on i am glad i have the balcony back. I'll also be glad to get back to sleeping-in.

Hugs to all who suffer!

[wolftrap]

Sitting here in my studio trying to concentrate on painting instead of looking at Politico.com every 15 minutes.

[Soupe du jour]

whatever2013, I'm glad to read that your repairs are done with. Believe me, I know how that feels!

Mountaindewed, that is great about your run! What an exciting phase of your life you are starting.

Hi Daonacchd. Sending wishes for rain for your area. Wish I could have sent you the rain we got last week.

[Soupe du jour]

Well, we have the painter back again, but this time repainting a room he painted fresh two weeks ago. It wasn't his fault, but the damage last week from the roof leak. We truly appreciate that he was able to squeeze us in between other jobs. I hope, hope, hope, the job he does this time adequately hides the water damage. The whole ceiling needs repainting, and also one of the walls.

It feels good to get little bits of money here and there from selling stuff. My husband sold over hundreds of CDs today at a popular record exchange shop and got over $100 for them. I sold an antique schoolhouse desk, as well. I'm going to post a light box on Craigslist today.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Some of you may remember how back in late-August i was dreading having to take my dog out for potty three times a day due to our balconies being locked for repairs and having to remove her potty-area on it. Well, the repairs on my side are over at last! Yay! I have lasted over two months with rolling out of bed and taking her out immediately and taking her out after dark at bedtime.

It really hasn't been that hard. A lot easier than i thought. There was only once or twice when i was really peeved about it. My dog adjusted quickly. She fussed the first few weeks and then settled right down.

But with Winter coming on i am glad i have the balcony back. I'll also be glad to get back to sleeping-in.

Hugs to all who suffer!

Glad you have your balcony back! That must be so much easier. Today is the last day that they're going to be working on the balconies here. I have no idea if they've looked at mine yet or not. I can put my outdoor furniture back out there after 5 today, I'm guessing. And I can put up my lights- once they're delivered. I hope they come today!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Isn't it nice? As I drove my son to work this morning I noticed he didn't have a jacket. When we got to the office I had to hop out of the car and peel off my jumper so he'd have another layer in addition to his t-shirt.

I hadn't seen rain in the forecast, but I knew that if you were predicted rain then we would be, too. Sure enough, chance of rain in our forecast. Please, please, please, let it be so, dear universe.

The rain is *supposed* to start in SF tonight then move east...we'll see...fingers crossed! Enjoy the cool, D!

[wolftrap]

Agree that meds timing is important. I am usually very sensitive to my meds timing, but the times I haven't been and I've forgotten to take them I've gotten in loads of trouble. Even an hour or so late makes me jittery and unable to focus.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Glad you have your balcony back! That must be so much easier. Today is the last day that they're going to be working on the balconies here. I have no idea if they've looked at mine yet or not. I can put my outdoor furniture back out there after 5 today, I'm guessing. And I can put up my lights- once they're delivered. I hope they come today!

I love seeing balcony lights during the holiday season.