Why do I still have this stupid disorder?

I went 5 years symptom free and almost convinced myself I was cured. Holy cr.... then I went all manic and my work knows. It was a brutal public execution. I wish no one knows.

I feel stigmatised. My psychiatrist and GP have given me the go ahead to be full time again. I was part time for a while. But noooo I’ve been told that’s not good enough clearance and if I try do that I will be made to see a panel of external psychiatrists who will ask for all my records from my current psychiatrist and pull up all the dirt on me. I have quite a background as a kid at least and I don’t want them reading that cr.....

I feel defeated. It took so long for stability and they don’t believe it.

I don’t even think I’m asking a question. I’m just ranting about being stigmatised. I bet you if I was booked off part time for major depression I wouldn’t even be making this post.

I hear you. Five years is a long time to be stable! I'm going through a stable period now myself and I don't want my life to fall apart if I become manic again. I don't want to rack up my new credit card or go highly manic and say crazy stuff - about how god is telling me things, etc. But it's been a year and a half since that happened so I hope it won't happen again any time soon. People seem to understand regular depression, but not bipolar depression and definitely not mania. No wonder we're stigmatized.

Yup. I’m in a long swing of stability and don’t want it jeopardized. I keep my toes crossed that it’s permanent. But on the edge of my world there’s always a caution sign that tells me to be grateful or else. Sending hugs.

Sorry, Hitch. Been discriminated against at work. I was. Ugh. I just quit. Screw them.

Since June of 2005, my longest euthymia really symptom- free was maybe a year while IP and in a group home was maybe 1 yearish. Yeah. Since Sept of 2018, the longest period of near complete euthymia was 20 days. I am floridly psychotic at least once a week. Manic several times a week, despite max therapy seen below. I am now not depressed currently. But. If we max out AP and antimania meds, those may improve, but depression will recur. On the below regimen.. You see.

I do have brand-new not yet FDA-approved agents.
They all create zero mania, zero depression, and zero psychosis. Totally true. I will post when I have them all approved. You guys will of course, be the first to know. Complete promise from me. Obviously. Obviously, you all. You are my real family.

I’m glad I’m not the only one to get messages from God! I’ve been known to preach somewhat when manic!

I’ve been on some special missions from God myself. I also get hyper-religious and obsessive when I go high. Glad to know I’m not the only one either!

My husband used to get worried (I think he has been more accepting of it lately because of my Stage 3 cancer diagnosis) when I get extremely focused on religion but my view is that there is an unseen spirit world (including God) and our conditions may make us more aware of it and may also increase our need to depend on God.

I do not work anymore but to validate and identify I wanted to say that I also hate medical and familial discrimintation. I have had actual illnesses ignored once the doctor sees the meds I take or god forbid I have a bad day and certain family members act like Im about to ruin the earth!

I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. I find it most difficult to cope with people who are unwilling to be accepting themselves. Understanding how to deal with difficult people is what is most challenging for me. People are unwilling to accept what I have been able to overcome. They appear unhappy with my decisions but don’t make any civil effort to understand. Living completely symptom free is my goal but my depression keeps me from being my best self. Even on my worst days, the pea is still only a pea. My patience will keep me coping so long as I feel I need time to cope this way. Nobody will ever change my mind that way. I’ve learned that the least effective coping strategies are the ones chosen to appease others. The most difficult part of living with any kind of mental illness is putting yourself first, above the dependencies of others in need. Often that means compromising other things and relationships that are important to us. But what is meant to bee will bee. That is the kind of woman I am. Deal with it.

At the moment I’m still sticking it out. Rather this than external psychiatrists. Gag.

I'm sorry. I know what it feels like to be exposed and have the threat of having it happen all over again looming over you. It is a really rough spot to be in. I hope things work out for you in one way or another soon. I also hope you're shown the mercy and compassion you deserve.