[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Went with a non traditional black Christmas tree this year. I’m gonna decorate it with the red lights you see in the picture, red, black, silver, and white ornaments, and a silver star that has LED lights in it. Will post pics once I decorate it. And I'm gonna decorate it for every season.

I've never before seen a black Christmas tree! That's pretty cool! I'm looking forward to the pic of it when it's decorated.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Went with a non traditional black Christmas tree this year. I’m gonna decorate it with the red lights you see in the picture, red, black, silver, and white ornaments, and a silver star that has LED lights in it. Will post pics once I decorate it. And I'm gonna decorate it for every season.

Your tree looks good! I look forward to seeing it all decorated.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Your tree looks good! I look forward to seeing it all decorated.

Hey there, Moose! How are you doing?

[*Beth*]

I'm feeling a little bit bad because of something that might be going on here (on this board). I may be completely wrong, or maybe I'm projecting - or being hypersensitive. Or a bit paranoid. Or maybe not.

[Moose72]

I bought hamburger patties yesterday and made one of them for dinner tonight. I put it on two pieces of whole wheat toast with mayo and salt and pepper and lettuce. It was just right! I guess I'll have one for lunch tomorrow, too.

My mom sent me a facebook video of The Carousel of Progress from Disney World. It was a little choppy in parts, but it was neat to see it, although the last stage is out-of-date. They're playing a video game which is out-dated and the technology isn't reality for today. It hasn't been updated since the late 90's. That's a long time without updating it.

I can't wait for Tuesday. (The 8th.) The deadline for sorting your wants for Medicare is the 7th so I won't have to see umpteen ads for it! Especially Joe Nameth! He'll be GONE. He shows up nearly every commercial break- usually the first ad, too.

[yellow_fleurs]

Christina, not sure if you are around checking this board at all, but I hope you are recovering well and you are missed!

[Daonnachd]

Heya, @BethRags, while we can and should care about those around us, we must also remember that each individual will travel their own path. We have to accept that even if we would not choose the same path for ourselves. Hold love for others in your heart; show it in your words. Do not burden yourself though.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Heya, @BethRags, while we can and should care about those around us, we must also remember that each individual will travel their own path. We have to accept that even if we would not choose the same path for ourselves. Hold love for others in your heart; show it in your words. Do not burden yourself though.

Thank you, D.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I bought hamburger patties yesterday and made one of them for dinner tonight. I put it on two pieces of whole wheat toast with mayo and salt and pepper and lettuce. It was just right! I guess I'll have one for lunch tomorrow, too.

My mom sent me a facebook video of The Carousel of Progress from Disney World. It was a little choppy in parts, but it was neat to see it, although the last stage is out-of-date. They're playing a video game which is out-dated and the technology isn't reality for today. It hasn't been updated since the late 90's. That's a long time without updating it.

I can't wait for Tuesday. (The 8th.) The deadline for sorting your wants for Medicare is the 7th so I won't have to see umpteen ads for it! Especially Joe Nameth! He'll be GONE. He shows up nearly every commercial break- usually the first ad, too.

My thought, exactly! OMG - I remember when Joe Namath did his famous football stuff, I was really young. He seems to be such a sweet guy, but I am SO tired of that commercial!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hey there, Moose! How are you doing?

I'm good. I didn't do much today- slept in, lots of crazy dreams. In one, I dreamed that my kids were little again. There were two N2's and I was breastfeeding one- the adult one! The younger one was about 6 years old and just playing around us. I'm thinking its going to be time to do my laundry again. Seems to fly by- time between laundry days. Last time, I washed them on the weekend, which makes it difficult because everybody seems to want to do their laundry on the weekend. There are only 3 washers and 3 dryers and last time, I had to wait a long time to get a washer. It took me 3 hours to do my laundry instead of the 1 1/2 hours it usually takes. I got up and had some of the Christmas blend Starbucks coffee Kcups I'd gotten yesterday. It is medium roast. I usually like light roast. It tasted really dark, like my mom's home coffee- she loves her coffee so dark it almost tastes burnt- but I enjoyed it anyway. I have some light roast Dunkin Donuts Kcups which is good, too. I got a shower today and i feel all clean and comfy in jeans and a sweatshirt. Bipolar wise, I am just Putz-ing around, taking my meds and not remembering when my next appointment is with pdoc. I'm tired of boring appointments over the phone. They didn't diagnose my mania last year until my case manager saw me in person and declared "You're manic!" Of course, I already had people here telling me this! No episodes since then.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

My thought, exactly! OMG - I remember when Joe Namath did his famous football stuff, I was really young. He seems to be such a sweet guy, but I am SO tired of that commercial!

You and me and everybody else, I'm sure!

[bpcyclist]

Sleeping my life away. Ugh. No Adderall. No Wellbutrin. Dying here.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Sleeping my life away. Ugh. No Adderall. No Wellbutrin. Dying here.

What is making you so sleepy- the lack of Adderall and Wellbutrin? Seroquel knocked me out when my pdoc raised it when I was manic last year. Have you been given a new med to battle your mania? That could be it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Sleeping my life away. Ugh. No Adderall. No Wellbutrin. Dying here.

Why no Adderall, why no Wellbutrin?

[Sunflower123]

I’m doing well today. I’ve been working on my Inner Peace course and spending quality time visiting and watching funny movies with mom. Tomorrow I visit with my nephew for the last time before he heads to quarantine and then boot camp.
He’d like to end up on an aircraft carrier in Japan. More power to him.

I’m not sleeping again and I think it’s because my NP told me to go up on the Vraylar in case of depression. I went from 3 mg every other day to 3 mg per day. Good thing I have an appointment Tuesday. I need to get a letter anyway to waive my CPA renewal fees.

Staying connected with folks through lots of Zoom and other live meetings...bible study, meet up and special interest groups, Eckhart Tolle. That’s a good thing because frankly it might be necessary to do some version of a lockdown if the 100 days of masks doesn’t work.

Hugs to all who are struggling.

It’s been a day. I slept most of it away, but the parts where I am awake I feel tired, but fired up. I want to invest time in a project or just doing something other than being in a state where I am in a very uncomfortable mix of emotions. My writing/communication has been worse than usual. I guess my rush to get the ideas out makes me lose half the words of my sentence lol. I’ve always been very bad about not proof-reading and leaving off endings of words, but anyway – I feel I’m thinking clear enough just unable to express it well.

It was appreciated to read what some of you said to me about sticking around – It was kind, but reality is I’m not a staple of this community and my input rarely has the wisdom or insight to make it worth the time. 90% complaining of my part, 5% silence 5% something worthwhile – I don’t think those numbers are gonna do much to fundamentally uproot this community if I left lol. Again, I don’t think I’m going to – I come and go sporadically as is . I go months of intense preoccupation to months of complete silence on the forum. So, if I disappear for a while, think nothing of it. I have a habit of walking away.

Back to wanting to invest time into something – I can’t settle down long enough to focus on anything. Maybe I’d be better off just watching TV for a few days, if it can keep my attention that is. Lol

Anyway, I am around. I appreciate those who reached out, but for the most part it’s not necessary – I’m not in any darker or deeper space than I’ve been in the past. You may not know me, but I do. This is just some of the ways I work through and process my life.

[Nammu]

I’m having a horrible time sleeping and it’s really made me irritable. I’ve shouted a few times in the last couple days. Mum is 92 and very negative and I’ve gotten fed up with her always turning everything into a negative. Usually I let it roll off my back by telling myself she’s been that way for 92 years it’s not going to change but lately, grr 🐯 I need to do laundry and my bed and take a shower but it all seems like a Sisyphean task. I want nothing but to be left alone. To top it off my eyes itch so much from the lack of sleep and with the pandemic there’s no place to go although I’m very close to just taking off for a couple days and checking into a motel with a microwave and frig and hanging out the do not disturb sign!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I’m having a horrible time sleeping and it’s really made me irritable. I’ve shouted a few times in the last couple days. Mum is 92 and very negative and I’ve gotten fed up with her always turning everything into a negative. Usually I let it roll off my back by telling myself she’s been that way for 92 years it’s not going to change but lately, grr 🐯 I need to do laundry and my bed and take a shower but it all seems like a Sisyphean task. I want nothing but to be left alone. To top it off my eyes itch so much from the lack of sleep and with the pandemic there’s no place to go although I’m very close to just taking off for a couple days and checking into a motel with a microwave and frig and hanging out the do not disturb sign!

I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now, Nammu. My husband can be that way...turning everything into a negative...the worst possible...this world is so pathetic...etc... Being around someone who does the negative thing can be extremely draining, and even depressing, in my experience. *Take a break time!*

Also understand what you mean by "no place to go." I used to drop into a store or 2 just to change my environment and perspective for a little while, if I felt cooped up. Or I'd take myself to a movie. Well, none of that now, and how many times can ya go to a grocery store?

I certainly hope your sleep improves. Being tired just puts an edge on everything, it seems.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now, Nammu. My husband can be that way...turning everything into a negative...the worst possible...this world is so pathetic...etc... Being around someone who does the negative thing can be extremely draining, and even depressing, in my experience. *Take a break time!*

Also understand what you mean by "no place to go." I used to drop into a store or 2 just to change my environment and perspective for a little while, if I felt cooped up. Or I'd take myself to a movie. Well, none of that now, and how many times can ya go to a grocery store?

I certainly hope your sleep improves. Being tired just puts an edge on everything, it seems.

Exactly! I’ve been to the grocery store three times this week. And tonight I didn’t feel like cooking so I ordered out.

[Bipolarchic14]

Anyone know a truly anonymous crisis line?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

Anyone know a truly anonymous crisis line?

I wish I did, I don't trust any of them because so many people say they'll send the cops to your home.

Are you safe?

[Bipolarchic14]

I am right now. I have been teetering a little. Last night was not good but when I speak to my therapist or psychiatrist, their solution is to put me in a hospital. The hospital is not helpful and I don’t wanna go I would far rather die than go back there literally die before going back. I really don’t want to talk with friends and family because really can’t help and it just puts undo stress on them.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

I am right now. I have been teetering a little. Last night was not good but when I speak to my therapist or psychiatrist, their solution is to put me in a hospital. The hospital is not helpful and I don’t wanna go I would far rather die than go back there literally die before going back. I really don’t want to talk with friends and family because really can’t help and it just puts undo stress on them.

I fully understand your feelings about the hospital. I've been 3 times and not one was helpful, in any way. The last IP was just short of traumatic. Or maybe it was traumatic.

Have you told your T and pdoc that you absolutely do not want to return to IP?

[Victoria'smom]

Bipolarchic14

[Bipolarchic14]

Yes I was very direct. And my last psych visit I was like literally sobbing when he was talking about the possibility of having to go to IOP or inpatient. I have an appointment with him on Monday and I am dreading it. I just know one thing for sure I’m gonna make sure that I don’t sound like a babbling idiot the entire time. Really need to try not to laugh or cry because this guy was judging everything.