[*Beth*]

Welcome to the first page of our new check-in thread. Dive in!

[Soupe du jour]

Thanks, BethRags!

I woke up not feeling that well, physically. Last night's entertaining of my husband's friend was not what I was up for. I did my best not to show it, though. As for today, I'm already dreading tomorrow's gyn appointment. I have an endo biopsy. I'm not that afraid of any scary findings. I just dislike any of the appointments there. Plus, I was told it could be momentarily quite painful. Truly, I would rather have 10 vaccinations in a row over tomorrow's procedure. Maybe even an MRI would seem more desirable. In any case, I'm going to go. Hopefully after that I can forget about a gynecologist for a year.

I'm assuming that our house will finally be put on the market this weekend. Before then we need to do a good cleaning and tidying of the house. I've run out of steam. I'm just sick of house-related stuff.

I was thinking that I wish I had someone else in my face-to-face life for support, beyond my husband. These are the times when my mom would have been so treasured. I wouldn't even need to have her talk. Just sit next to me with her arm around me, looking at me with her loving eyes. Or if at least I could see my psychiatrist face-to-face, rather than via video session. Everything seems distant. Such distance feels chilly and lonely.

[Nammu]

Thanks Beth.

Last night mum asked me to take her to our grocery store so she could walk around. It’s a huge store and she gets her meds there. Usually I pick up everything she needs. But she’s 92 and hasn’t been anywhere except for PT. We just got home and she tells me that’s the last time I ask to go there, it’s too big. . We didn’t even cover the whole store. But I think it did her good to get out for just a bit before winter hits. She only has 3-4 more weeks of PT then she’ll be stuck at home and the only ones in her bubble are my sister and her husband. Everybody else works and has multiple exposure so they don’t come here. And her two brothers are like her too vulnerable to be traveling. She does get out on nice days and walks around the house, but. That will be ending too. The nice weather is supposed to turn into mixed rain/sleet and back down to the 30’s. I don’t know why I’m nattering on, sorry.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Thanks, BethRags!

I woke up not feeling that well, physically. Last night's entertaining of my husband's friend was not what I was up for. I did my best not to show it, though. As for today, I'm already dreading tomorrow's gyn appointment. I have an endo biopsy. I'm not that afraid of any scary findings. I just dislike any of the appointments there. Plus, I was told it could be momentarily quite painful. Truly, I would rather have 10 vaccinations in a row over tomorrow's procedure. Maybe even an MRI would seem more desirable. In any case, I'm going to go. Hopefully after that I can forget about a gynecologist for a year.

I'm assuming that our house will finally be put on the market this weekend. Before then we need to do a good cleaning and tidying of the house. I've run out of steam. I'm just sick of house-related stuff.

It's such an uncomfortable feeling to have to spend an evening with someone(s) you're not comfortable with. It feels like having to work a slow shift...Ugh, only 15 minutes have passed?

I had an endo biopsy 2 years ago. I wasn't terribly afraid of the pain, but I was certainly nervous about it. Turned out I barely felt anything. When my gyn did the biopsy it felt like 1 second of a light "pinch", it was over and that was that.

I hope it all goes as easily for you.

It's no wonder you're tired of house stuff, Soupe! You've thrown 110% into it. It'll be a relief to put it on the market, finally.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

It's such an uncomfortable feeling to have to spend an evening with someone(s) you're not comfortable with. It feels like having to work a slow shift...Ugh, only 15 minutes have passed?

I had an endo biopsy 2 years ago. I wasn't terribly afraid of the pain, but I was certainly nervous about it. Turned out I barely felt anything. When my gyn did the biopsy it felt like 1 second of a light "pinch", it was over and that was that.

I hope it all goes as easily for you.

It's no wonder you're tired of house stuff, Soupe! You've thrown 110% into it. It'll be a relief to put it on the market, finally.

Thanks for sharing about your endo biopsy, BethRags! That is reassuring for me. Perhaps it won't be bad. My gyn even gave me a prescription for some pill to take ahead of time to potentially make the procedure more comfortable. She'll also be removing cervical polyps. At least those will be gone. Hopefully they won't return.

I didn't mention this, but I am sort of dreading having to prepare myself for the appointment. You know...self-care stuff.

[*Beth*]

Yes, that's the most difficult part for me. Should I shave and if I do, what if I do a lousy shaving job and it comes out crooked

I have heard of women who put glitter on their lady parts before an exam. Hmm. Seems a bit extreme

[Mountaindewed]

My medical issue was very painful this morning. Right now it’s not very painful but it’s still there. So I’m wondering if I should even go to the doctor if the pain is getting better. But I slept for about 10 hours last night. Then I went to McDonald’s at 8AM to get some breakfast. My mom was laughing at me because I burned my mouth on the hash brown and had to spit it out and she was just looking at me and my food and commenting about it the whole time she was driving. I was getting noticeably upset. She just really annoys me sometimes. I came home and took a 1.5 hour nap and now I feel just kinda blah and crappy. I wonder if I’m dealing with that fake PMS thing I get. I don’t know why I’m still getting it despite not having a period since April 6th.

[*Beth*]

Md, Have you asked your gyn about getting the fake PMS thing?

I did good hard work cleaning out the stuffed corner of my hallway. I took loads down to recycling and garbage. I moved the storage bins back out onto the balcony. There are only two now, down from five. Progress! I swept and mopped. It's nice to have my tidy hallway back. It's good for me to do some work everyday because it fights off the feeling of helplessness that comes with my depression. Shopping is also good for this. Just going to Walmart to pick up a few things. Anything that will make me feel i have made a difference and that i am still effective and strong enough to be useful.

So that's my story.

@Nammu: It's clear you care about your mom a lot and that's a beautiful thing. I wish i'd been as caring to my mom when she was alive. No need to be self-conscious about chatting about it here.

Hugs to all who suffer!

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Md, Have you asked your gyn about getting the fake PMS thing?

Not yet but I should probably ask my primary the next time I see him. He’d be a better one to ask since he deals with most of the stuff I deal with and prescribes the stuff I take.

It’s been a ride these last few days. My mom is encouraging us to go out for a drive around in a little while. I think It will do me some good to get out of the house, believe it or not. I need to find something to pass the time other than sleep and eat. I need to shave. I need to “clean up” but I just don’t have reason or want to. Maybe this week I’ll find some energy to get some stuff done.

Current events have left me a little more optimistic for the future, but with every glimmer of good I get a flooding of bad. Why can’t we just work on what we can to bridge the gaps together? I’m pretty sick of politics for this cycle – let’s hope “politics will be boring again” will become a reality haha.

In other news very polarizing events are affecting my family right now – my brother and his family have COVID. They seem to be OK according to them. They don’t believe COVID is a real issue which is probably what lead to them getting it anyway to be honest about the situation. I have deep feelings about the subject but I am trying to remind myself – they are not my kids, my experiences, or my life – but my nieces and nephews have been exposed to COVID and are sick because of irresponsible and selfish behavior. It’s a hard pill to swallow for me, but in the end, it’s not for me to pass judgement.

That’s all I got to report for now.

MarcusAurelius

[MuddyBoots]

Looking at my mood chart, you’d think I’m going UP UP UP UP! I’m really not, I just have a new friend I love talking to so I’ve been writing down high numbers. Went exploring today, found a conservation area in town with paths that Ive never been to, it was cool, had some wetlands and ATV trails. It’s been really warm out too, 50s and 60s so I’ve been doing lots of yard work and not-so-spring cleaning. Idk when the last time I posted in the check in was, but I had a really bad experience last week and well, I want to be done with using, but I’m just not. I dont know how to make myself “done” someone told me Ill get there when I get there, but I mean face it-its addiction, I might die first. I’m okay with that, but I know I have friends and family who are not. I’m also stuck with weight even though I’m ridiculously active, these meds are terrible. I want to ask my doc if I can stop the seroquel but I dont see her approving of that. I want to try abilify again too. I was only on like 4mg when I tried it but stopped because of akathisia, but I get akathisia with EVERYTHING so why not go with something that might not have other side effects like weight gain that Ill only have to have an injection of less frequently than the risperdal.
Sometimes things get too boring. I just want to do stuff 24/7.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius

It’s been a ride these last few days. My mom is encouraging us to go out for a drive around in a little while. I think It will do me some good to get out of the house, believe it or not. I need to find something to pass the time other than sleep and eat. I need to shave. I need to “clean up” but I just don’t have reason or want to. Maybe this week I’ll find some energy to get some stuff done.

Current events have left me a little more optimistic for the future, but with every glimmer of good I get a flooding of bad. Why can’t we just work on what we can to bridge the gaps together? I’m pretty sick of politics for this cycle – let’s hope “politics will be boring again” will become a reality haha.

In other news very polarizing events are affecting my family right now – my brother and his family have COVID. They seem to be OK according to them. They don’t believe COVID is a real issue which is probably what lead to them getting it anyway to be honest about the situation. I have deep feelings about the subject but I am trying to remind myself – they are not my kids, my experiences, or my life – but my nieces and nephews have been exposed to COVID and are sick because of irresponsible and selfish behavior. It’s a hard pill to swallow for me, but in the end, it’s not for me to pass judgement.

That’s all I got to report for now.

MarcusAurelius

I'm in full agreement about all the political stuff.

I'm sorry about your brother and family. That's a really tough one. I wonder if being sick will change their perspective on covid or not?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Yes, that's the most difficult part for me. Should I shave and if I do, what if I do a lousy shaving job and it comes out crooked

I have heard of women who put glitter on their lady parts before an exam. Hmm. Seems a bit extreme

I have my annual check up appointment tomorrow. Guess I'll go to the store....

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Looking at my mood chart, you’d think I’m going UP UP UP UP! I’m really not, I just have a new friend I love talking to so I’ve been writing down high numbers. Went exploring today, found a conservation area in town with paths that Ive never been to, it was cool, had some wetlands and ATV trails. It’s been really warm out too, 50s and 60s so I’ve been doing lots of yard work and not-so-spring cleaning. Idk when the last time I posted in the check in was, but I had a really bad experience last week and well, I want to be done with using, but I’m just not. I dont know how to make myself “done” someone told me Ill get there when I get there, but I mean face it-its addiction, I might die first. I’m okay with that, but I know I have friends and family who are not. I’m also stuck with weight even though I’m ridiculously active, these meds are terrible. I want to ask my doc if I can stop the seroquel but I dont see her approving of that. I want to try abilify again too. I was only on like 4mg when I tried it but stopped because of akathisia, but I get akathisia with EVERYTHING so why not go with something that might not have other side effects like weight gain that Ill only have to have an injection of less frequently than the risperdal.
Sometimes things get too boring. I just want to do stuff 24/7.

I support your idea about the Abilify. I found Seroquel so discouraging because no matter how much I exercised (and I did, a lot) all I could do was maintain the weight I'd gained on Seroquel. I could not lose any weight. It feels like What's the point? I really, really believe that pdocs need to take Seroquel side-effects more seriously. It's depressing to be on a med that forces weight gain - which causes major health problems. To me, it feels like why bother.

You mentioned boredom. Do you think boredom has a part in your drug use?

[Mountaindewed]

This is weird. But I am constantly saying to myself “why did you do that?” The way the mother said to Gilbert in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. She said it to him after he came home either after he hit Arnie or left him in the bath tub. I literally said it to myself this morning. Then I was reading this thing on Ranker about Mandela effects, and this guy said that line doesn’t exist. I tried googling it and I couldn’t find it either. I’ve only seen Gilbert Grape once and I swear I remember the mom saying “why did you do that?”

I think the guy on Ranker is mistaken.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I have my annual check up appointment tomorrow. Guess I'll go to the store....

~~~~~~~~

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

This is weird. But I am constantly saying to myself “why did you do that?” The way the mother said to Gilbert in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. She said it to him after he came home either after he hit Arnie or left him in the bath tub. I literally said it to myself this morning. Then I was reading this thing on Ranker about Mandela effects, and this guy said that line doesn’t exist. I tried googling it and I couldn’t find it either. I’ve only seen Gilbert Grape once and I swear I remember the mom saying “why did you do that?”

I think the guy on Ranker is mistaken.

I don't know what Mandela effects are (sounds interesting), but I LOVE What's Eating Gilbert Grape. I swear I've seen it 40 times. Yeah, the mom says, "Gilbert? Why did you do that?"

[Mountaindewed]

This is the definite edition of what a Mandela effect is

The Mandela effect is an unusual phenomenon where a large group of people remember something differently than how it occurred. Conspiracy theorists believe this is proof of an alternate universe, while many doctors use it as an illustration of how imperfect memory can be sometimes

There are a ton of different ones. A person can spend all day going down the rabbit hole by looking them up.

It started because tons of people remember Nelson Mandela dying in prison in the 80’s. Like really really remember it funeral and everything. But he died in 2013 and that’s how the Mandela Effect got started.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I support your idea about the Abilify. I found Seroquel so discouraging because no matter how much I exercised (and I did, a lot) all I could do was maintain the weight I'd gained on Seroquel. I could not lose any weight. It feels like What's the point? I really, really believe that pdocs need to take Seroquel side-effects more seriously. It's depressing to be on a med that forces weight gain - which causes major health problems. To me, it feels like why bother.

You mentioned boredom. Do you think boredom has a part in your drug use?

Pdocs definitely need to take all side effects more seriously. Sometimes I wish prescribers had to take seroquel or zyprexa or something for a month to see how it really is.
I do think boredom has a part in my drug use. I try to keep busy but I still get bored doing almost anything that doesn’t involve an adrenaline rush so every 10 minutes I’m doing something different. Having a bad attention span doesn’t help with that either.

[Daonnachd]

I wonder if the people who remember Mandela dying in prison in the 80's are actually remembering the death of Steve Biko. Also of South Africa, I know he died in prison, just not sure what year. That could explain that particular instance. No matter, it's an interesting effect. (Can't think of the best word for it. Effect will have to do.)

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

This is the definite edition of what a Mandela effect is

The Mandela effect is an unusual phenomenon where a large group of people remember something differently than how it occurred. Conspiracy theorists believe this is proof of an alternate universe, while many doctors use it as an illustration of how imperfect memory can be sometimes

There are a ton of different ones. A person can spend all day going down the rabbit hole by looking them up.

It started because tons of people remember Nelson Mandela dying in prison in the 80’s. Like really really remember it funeral and everything. But he died in 2013 and that’s how the Mandela Effect got started.

Right...my daughter told me about that once. It's fascinating! The "Berenstain Bears" was one of the effects.

[Mountaindewed]

Berenstain bears were my favorite books when I was a kid. So I knew it was always STAIN instead of STEIN. The fruit of the loom cornucopia one is a head scratcher though.

[Daonnachd]

I don't feel right but I don't know what's wrong.

[Sunflower123]

I think most people here know I care for my brother who is in poor health and my 85 year old mom who is in cognitive decline. She was cooking bacon and walked off and forgot it last week. I got there in time to put out the fire. My brother, who is a paranoid schizophrenic, screams in pain when he walks. I got him an appointment with a good foot doctor Tuesday. In addition, there are some major things that need to be repaired with the house that I’m trying to juggle. My sister is MIA.

Guys, I feel like I’m bending under the responsibilities. Some days I feel adequate and other days scared witless. I called my therapist tonight and asked her to start telehealth each week instead of bi-weekly. I’m at my wit’s end and I’m afraid it will start impacting my mental health. Then we’d really be up the creek.

I promised mom I would always take care of my brother. I hope I can keep that promise.

Thanks for listening. Feeling overwhelmed and inadequate tonight. I’ve got to stay strong because I’m the only rational mind here.