[*Beth*]

Appointment with my GP today. Nothing outstanding, just getting vitals checked and I'm going to ask her for some blood work, since I haven't had any for over a year.

I'm anxious, though, because I'm not comfortable with her. She's mostly friendly, but does not understand psych meds at all. She acts like I'm taking meds because I think it's a fun thing to do, not because I really need them. Her attitude is not validating. I would so like to change my GP, but I'm stuck with her because my mental health providers are in the same clinic.

It's a beautiful fall day! I have a degree of depression going on, not too bad, but just slightly there. And I was supposed to use the light box this morning, but totally forgot.

[Daonnachd]

A friend asked to borrow $40US today but I had to tell him no because we have nothing in our bank accounts. I guess I'm not going grocery shopping.

[wildflowerchild25]

I talked to my therapist today. She made me realize that my previous depressive episode in April was related to realizing my first marriage was abusive. It might have been intensified by the pandemic, but likely spending so much time at home without distractions of work and going out led the memories to take first place in my mind. That would be supported by my ongoing concentration and time distortion issues I’ve been having.

The particular issue that was triggered by my son’s newborn photos has just thrust that particular horrifying incident into the forefront of my mind. My whole world has literally crumbled. To think someone who professed to love me could do that to me is just irreconcilable in my mind right now.

I didn’t speak of the incident to her because I just can’t say the words aloud right now but she gave me some suggestions. I told her deep breathing and meditation were useless for me because they freak me out too much. She explained that if my trauma involved my body, putting too much attention on my body could be more stressful, not less. So I must look around and try other things. She also encouraged me to find a hobby. I’ve only ever had two hobbies: sewing and beading. I can’t sew anymore (no room for a machine) but all my beads are still safely in my attic. I haven’t touched them for 13 years and I wanted to give them away but never had someone to give them to.

So I think I will take them out and see if I can maybe get into it again. Beading is something I did just for me when I was a teenager. No one else was involved. It was mine before I even met my husband, and only fell away after we were together. It might help me reconnect to a past without him. Even though that time in my life was a **** show too, it was because of bipolar, which I’ve basically gotten control of.

I’m off to the craft store in a few days to purchase some tools that have gone missing, beading thread, and clasps.

Today got off to a good start with discovering that i really like the newest album by my favorite musician that i've had for a year but dismissed. There's even a song in French on there! He even mentions Ketamine. He's got bipolar too. I had a nice time.

Then i took my dog to the vet. My neighbor drove us and i worry she is getting too old to drive. I didn't feel 100% safe. And she made it clear that she's driving us out of care for my dog, not me. That hurt my feelings.

Then i got some paperwork from the bank that i thought would answer some questions but it only raised more. Then i got a notice that building staff are coming to install our a/c covers tomorrow and my rage at the new $50 charge this year was re-awakened. Finally, i have to go for meds tomorrow and it will probably be around $150 and i'm trying to save money so heavy sigh.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Hugs to all who suffer!

[bizi]

Originally Posted by WildcatVet

Awake at 4:00am today, fed all the pets, fed the chickens and cleaned their coop, dusted and vacuumed, washed up last night's dishes. Now on to laundry. A bit manic today???

You just got some things done, sounds like a good day! hope you sleep tonight!

[*Beth*]

wildflowerchild I'm so excited for you, getting back into beading! I'm always doing some craft something, but to this day the most rewarding one was when I was doing bead work years ago. Oh, I have such wonderful memories of shopping in the bead stores and coming up with projects. Terrific fun! I hope it brings you pleasure.

It will be interesting for you, I think, to feel yourself as the person you are now, as opposed to who you were back then.

[bizi]

Jenn, you have wayyy too much on your plate.any chance you could get others to help give you a break?
(((((HUGS))))

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Appointment with my GP today. Nothing outstanding, just getting vitals checked and I'm going to ask her for some blood work, since I haven't had any for over a year.

I'm anxious, though, because I'm not comfortable with her. She's mostly friendly, but does not understand psych meds at all. She acts like I'm taking meds because I think it's a fun thing to do, not because I really need them. Her attitude is not validating. I would so like to change my GP, but I'm stuck with her because my mental health providers are in the same clinic.

It's a beautiful fall day! I have a degree of depression going on, not too bad, but just slightly there. And I was supposed to use the light box this morning, but totally forgot.

I hope your GP appointment goes well, BethRags.

You know, I have experienced something similar with my gynecologist. It used to bother me that she always seemed to think my psychiatrist wasn't doing the right thing for my bipolar disorder. It seemed that she believed he should have known the exact medications that would quickly "fix" my bipolar disorder and take away all symptoms long-term. But we know that's not so very easy. Truth is, my psychiatrist has done a great job.

I once went to a dietitian a long while back that seemed to judge my psychiatrist in a similar way as my gynecologist. She was the type that thought I was on way too many medications and that the right diet would solve all of my problems. Good grief!

I think the topic of neurologists also came up once here at PC. It seems that neurologists and psychiatrists sometimes clash when it comes to what they think the situation is.

[Soupe du jour]

Well, my house is officially on the market. It is already shown on numerous real estate websites. We are also set up on a scheduling site and five showings are on the calendar.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I hope your GP appointment goes well, BethRags.

You know, I have experienced something similar with my gynecologist. It used to bother me that she always seemed to think my psychiatrist wasn't doing the right thing for my bipolar disorder. It seemed that she believed he should have known the exact medications that would quickly "fix" my bipolar disorder and take away all symptoms long-term. But we know that's not so very easy. Truth is, my psychiatrist has done a great job.

I once went to a dietitian a long while back that seemed to judge my psychiatrist in a similar way as my gynecologist. She was the type that thought I was on way too many medications and that the right diet would solve all of my problems. Good grief!

I think the topic of neurologists also came up once here at PC. It seems that neurologists and psychiatrists sometimes clash when it comes to what they think the situation is.

Yes, it's really annoying when medical professionals, especially those who are not nearly as educated and experienced as a pdoc is, make assumptions about psych meds.

In my experience, many neurologists are in competition with psychiatrists. The mental illness stigma within the medical community is shocking to me.

Good luck on getting your house listed! The hard work you've put in is amazing!

[*Beth*]

Appt. with my GP went more smoothly than usual. She wasn't judgmental about psych meds this time. I had an abundance of stuff done...A1C (good), blood labs, blood pressure (good), etc., etc. Tetanus shot in my arm and it is as sore as heck. Oh, ow. Later today I'm getting my hair cut. Yay! There are threats that salons will close again; hopefully not. So many have gone out of business due to covid.

I had a dream last night that I was wearing my mask while sleeping. Weird dream.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel alright anxiety wise but my moods are starting to go. I went to the grocery store today and was carrying around a box of Slim Fast in my basket. People kept looking at me. Maybe they were looking at me for all sorts of reasons I don’t know. I don’t look like I need the slim fast and that’s what I think confuses people and frustrates my doctor and therapist. I don’t look heavy when I’m actually about 40 pounds overweight. But anyways I got the slim fast and some other stuff. Now I’m home for 2 weeks so I can make it to my sisters for Thanksgiving. I’m not feeling the best physically either because of the issue I went to the doctor for yesterday. I had some strange reaction last night to the one dose med I was prescribed. I read after I took it when I was googling it that it interferes with 2 of my psych meds but since no one including the pharmacy told me there would be an issue, I wasn’t worried. But geeze that was some strange reaction. I felt like a combination of wanting to throw up and almost not being able to walk. Luckily it passed and I’m fine now.

[Blue_Bird]

I feel relieved because some of my orders came in. I bought a lot of meal replacement nutrition shakes (since I have trouble eating many regular foods for various reasons) a lot of soups, and a lot of sugar free pudding for snacks. I have all that in my storage room and it makes me feel happy that I won't have to go to the store for awhile. I just feel like the less I go out to stores the better, less chance of catching covid. I'm not considered high risk but still of course don't want to get it. I still go out to exercise though (taking walks).

My mood is good, I'm feeling pretty stable lately. No major ups or downs. Anxiety is getting quite a bit better, I feel relatively calm most of the time and am able to stop ruminating about things that cause me anxiety and panic attacks.

I need to clean, I plan on doing that over the next few days since my sister is coming over to visit this weekend and I'm self conscious about my apartment and my cleanliness. I always worry my place is a mess even when people tell me it's perfectly fine. I don't know why. It's like I'm never satisfied with my cleaning and am always finding things wrong with it.

Have to call my therapist and see if she arranged transportation for me for group.

Hugs to everyone

[*Beth*]

Blue_Bird

Yay for your orders coming in! That has to be a relief.

I'm the same way about my apartment. No matter how much cleaning I do, I feel like it's not enough. That kind of thinking is tiring.

I cried at the bus stop today. I missed the bus. I don't know what is wrong with me but i am having trouble with being easily-overwhelmed. I just feel so weak and helpless. It doesn't make sense because i've been more active lately. I should be feeling more powerful.

My a/c cover was installed without charge, so that was nice. Then my meds were less than i feared. Then bargain grocery shopping went well, one item for even less than it said online.

I just feel my life is not worth it.

Hugs to all who suffer!

[Mountaindewed]

My $3 microwavable Campbell’s French onion soup spilled all over the microwave. I’m not sure what happened I followed directions. I think my microwave may just be crappy. It was kinda a bummer. Plus a big mess to clean up. In the book I’m reading they are eating all sorts of fancy foods I’ve never even heard of so I decided to buy the French onion soup to be kinda fancy. It came with Parmesan cheese croutons. But I guess I won’t be buying that kind anymore.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I cried at the bus stop today. I missed the bus. I don't know what is wrong with me but i am having trouble with being easily-overwhelmed. I just feel so weak and helpless. It doesn't make sense because i've been more active lately. I should be feeling more powerful.

My a/c cover was installed without charge, so that was nice. Then my meds were less than i feared. Then bargain grocery shopping went well, one item for even less than it said online.

I just feel my life is not worth it.

Hugs to all who suffer!

I'm so sorry. Missing a bus is so frustrating, I can understand why you'd cry, especially if you're already feeling beat.

How are your meds? It seems that you're more depressed than you need to be.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My $3 microwavable Campbell’s French onion soup spilled all over the microwave. I’m not sure what happened I followed directions. I think my microwave may just be crappy. It was kinda a bummer. Plus a big mess to clean up. In the book I’m reading they are eating all sorts of fancy foods I’ve never even heard of so I decided to buy the French onion soup to be kinda fancy. It came with Parmesan cheese croutons. But I guess I won’t be buying that kind anymore.

Oh, man...I hate when spills happen. I worked in a cafe for many years; spills were a regular occurrence. But it was easy to clean up because we had an endless supply of towels to use. At home a spill means using a bunch of paper towels or using a towel, meaning more laundry. I don't know, it just seems like hard work.

French onion soup is lovely. It usually comes with a layer of a fancy white cheese on the top and croutons floating on the cheese. I'm sorry you lost yours

[MuddyBoots]

Just found a way to take myself down from an 11 to about a seven. Weighted blanket+Oscar my stuffed pig coated in lavender oil+calming music+dark room.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Oh, man...I hate when spills happen. I worked in a cafe for many years; spills were a regular occurrence. But it was easy to clean up because we had an endless supply of towels to use. At home a spill means using a bunch of paper towels or using a towel, meaning more laundry. I don't know, it just seems like hard work.

French onion soup is lovely. It usually comes with a layer of a fancy white cheese on the top and croutons floating on the cheese. I'm sorry you lost yours

Yeah a ton of paper towels and the microwave had to be scrubbed. I had just regular Campbell’s chicken noodle instead.

My cat who absolutely hates me and hisses when I walk by just came up and sat right by me. I swear cats can tell when your not feeling good and are fighting off something. They can smell diseases and cancer I’ve heard. It freaked me out because he never comes near me.

[Soupe du jour]

Sending hugs to all who've had frustrations today. Sapien, great job de-escalating/calming! It's good that you have those tools in your coping toolbox.

It's been raining all day. It's supposed to rain hard all day tomorrow, too, and part of Friday. Our roof leak is supposedly fixed. So far it looks good, but I am paranoid that after many more hours something could show as "not perfectly fixed". This Saturday we have 8 showings for our house, and counting. Sunday is our open house. If anything happens as a result of the rain, I will be devastated! Please wish my husband and me luck that the roof fix was perfect. Luckily, it's supposed to be sunny, or partly sunny, where I am from Saturday through the end of next week.

The eight mentioned showing requests made me a bit overwhelmed. The requests for confirmations seemed to flood in. Some where booked a little over each other, so needed follow-up. Then my realtor called and said I didn't respond to two requests. The texts didn't initially show up. Plus, I wasn't sure how to interpret the website that manages all of the scheduling. Now I do, but it was stressful learning it. I tried to download the app for my phone, but my phone is halfway shot.

On Saturday, the house showings are numerous enough that we'll have to find places to go for most of the day. They don't want owners home during them. I said to Hubby that it would have been nice if movie theaters were open (if there was no pandemic). In the past, we've done double features to pass time. We're lucky that we have one of the movie theaters that has wide reclining leather seats. But no, it sits there empty. Hubby suggested we maybe go into the city (NYC). Maybe. The day should be pleasant and we haven't been there for a while. Also, we've never visited the 9-11 Memorial. We haven't been to that spot since 7-11, when we took our nephew to the top of the World Trade Center.

[downersgoup]

I started lithium this week, and I'm not entirely certain, but it already feels like it's working. I'm eventually going to be titrating up to 1200mg, but I'm currently at 450, and I've noticed that suddenly everything seems to have calmed down a bit. I'm not sure if this is because I'm entering a normal baseline phase, but I'm into it. Aside from that, just been studying Spanish, working away at my kitchen job, and caring for my pet rat, whose brother recently passed away, which we're all very sad about.

[Moose72]

Two days ago, I went to my doctor for my annual check up. My doctor did a full work up including a blood work. I've lost 20 pounds since last year's appointment. I still need to lose more. I'll have to go to the mall to walk this winter. BUT, my weight is holding nicely since about June. My (vitamin) B12 level is too high. No wonder- the supplement I was taking has ten THOUSAND times the suggested daily amount of B12 in it! My A1C is 5.3 and they like it under 5.5 for a non-diabetic. My kidney function is sub-par. Don't know any more than that. I don't know what you do about that. I have three pills of the many that I'm taking that I need to discontinue: Vitamin E (which was for my liver) but my liver results were good! Amlodipine- I need to stop, too. I looked it up and it's for blood pressure. My blood pressure had been very high, but now it's normal so I guess that's why she discontinued it. I also am to stop Metformin because there is a recall because it can contain N-Nitrosodimethylamine (NDMA) which has been shown to cause cancer! I need to repeat my blood pressure being taken and my labs in three weeks. My liver levels were normal! This all encourages me to continue losing weight. I had three gift cards that I found in an old purse to Kohl's so my mom and I went to find me something for my apartment. I got sheets and a book light. Now I have three sets of sheets. One of them doesn't fit, though, hence why I wanted to get a new set.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Two days ago, I went to my doctor for my annual check up. My doctor did a full work up including a blood work. I've lost 20 pounds since last year's appointment. I still need to lose more. I'll have to go to the mall to walk this winter. BUT, my weight is holding nicely since about June. My (vitamin) B12 level is too high. No wonder- the supplement I was taking has ten THOUSAND times the suggested daily amount of B12 in it! My A1C is 5.3 and they like it under 5.5 for a non-diabetic. My kidney function is sub-par. Don't know any more than that. I don't know what you do about that. I have three pills of the many that I'm taking that I need to discontinue: Vitamin E (which was for my liver) but my liver results were good! Amlodipine- I need to stop, too. I looked it up and it's for blood pressure. My blood pressure had been very high, but now it's normal so I guess that's why she discontinued it. I also am to stop Metformin because there is a recall because it can contain N-Nitrosodimethylamine (NDMA) which has been shown to cause cancer! I need to repeat my blood pressure being taken and my labs in three weeks. My liver levels were normal! This all encourages me to continue losing weight. I had three gift cards that I found in an old purse to Kohl's so my mom and I went to find me something for my apartment. I got sheets and a book light. Now I have three sets of sheets. One of them doesn't fit, though, hence why I wanted to get a new set.

I thought for the Metformin its only the extended release tablets that had that problem and not the regular? Because I'm on regular and my doctor hasn't said anything about getting off of it

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I thought for the Metformin its only the extended release tablets that had that problem and not the regular? Because I'm on regular and my doctor hasn't said anything about getting off of it

I don't know if its just the extended release formula. Maybe my doctor said to get off it because my A1C is out of the pre-diabetic range now?