[busymomof5]

It’s been two years since I’ve worked. I left my job because it was a toxic situation but my mental health often interfered with my job. In the last two years, I have stopped showering, brushing my teeth or changing my clothes. I’ve suffered severe depressions and a manic episode that knocked me out of my socks. I’ve had terrible anxiety and ocd symptoms. I’m currently doing well (although I don’t take care of my hygiene and lay on the sofa most of the day). I have 3 adult children and two teenagers, and I am constantly busy helping them. It’s exhausting. But I’m bored and feel badly that I don’t have a career. I’m borderline obsessed by not having a career. My husband is very successful and is often acknowledged for his work and I’m jealous.

I have a job interview Tuesday for a full-time job doing telehealth. Don‘t laugh! My husband told me that he considers me to be disabled due to mental illness. He thinks the job would just bring more stress. He pointed out that only recently I was having ocd symptoms and mania. He wants to support me. He doesn’t understand why being his wife is not enough for me.

I’m 50. If I don’t work now, then when? Is my career over due to my mental health? Should I give up or go for it? What should I do?

[Victoria'smom]

I feel bad I don't have a career either. My health took that from me. I kinda feel I'm worse off not having a job but I can't take care of my daily needs as is. I would go to the interview and try. If you can't do it then you'll know that your stability is to fragile to work. Have you talked to your treatment team about going back? can you do part time? I have a young adult and I'm sitting here thinking now what. I know I'm not healthy enough to work even to volunteer but I want to do something with my life. So whatever you choose to do know your not alone in this feeling.

[busymomof5]

I’m sorry to hear you’re having a similar experience. I also feel I do better when I’m working. I love having an office, co-workers, and peers to collaborate with. It’s just fun to be around people. For two years, I have just sat home alone feeling sorry for myself. I’ve gained 70 pounds. That’s on me of course.

The thing about my job is that I’d have no coworkers. Just patients all day long. I love working with people, but they are one-sided relationships. There would be no office chit chat.

I feel right now that I can handle my mental health, but my husband’s wRning does not go unnoticed.

Starting with the interview is probably a good thing.

[*Beth*]

I'd say try the interview, see how it goes. I've never been able to work f/t, only p/t. If you get the job, would it be full time?

[busymomof5]

It is for .8 FTE. They say Monday to Thursday 8-5. Im wanting to ask for Monday to Friday 9-3.

[wolftrap]

I advise to take it slowly and don't jump into a situation that would increase your stress level. Stress will only exacerbate your symptoms. External stressors can reek havoc on BP.


A question, and not meant to pressure you or disrespect you in any way, is there something else in your life from which you could gain the same fulfillment and sense of self if work doesn't work out?


In my case, I had to finally admit two years after being diagnosed that I couldn't work and needed to be on disability. Work was a big reason that I was unstable - the stress was, in all senses, killing me. But having to admit that I couldn't work was a hard blow. Now I focus on things that I can manage. I was an art major in college so I have a little studio and paint. This keeps me productive and thus is fulfilling. I've found that being productive, in any way, fills the hole of "real" work.

[Nammu]

Sounds like work would be helpful to you. To bad about covid or I’d recommend seeking an office where you would have coworkers. For myself I couldn’t hack jobs and volunteered. I was at one no kill shelter for years and a library for about a year before my back utterly did me in. I got SSDI for bipolar and ptsd but my back is what ran me out of my volunteer jobs. Those volunteers positions really helped me be stable. Giving me people to interact with and getting awards recognition for my work! If your husband is successful and you don’t need to work, what about volunteering? Of corse covid might be in the way right now and a work from home situation is best. Good luck on your interview

[RoxanneToto]

I’d say go for the interview at least. Your mental health is important, of course, but I think if you want to work, you should be able to try and hold a job. I personally wouldn’t be comfortable being financially dependent on someone else, it’s ok if you don’t feel the same but there are practical, if hypothetical aspects to that.

[Bipolarchic14]

I think what would make the decision for me, is if I would be OK financially if I didn’t work. So if your husbands income is enough for you guys to live on then that takes some of the stress off of you in regards to whether or not you should go back to work. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom. It’s a dying profession but still an important one. Is it possible for you to start up a small business on the side where maybe the stress would not be quite as high?

[busymomof5]

I sent a message to my pdoc asking her if she would clear me to going back into my field and taking this job. She wrote me back and said we need to talk about it. I was expecting her to say it would be fine. Now I have the interview in an hour and I suddenly feel nervous and discouraged instead of eager, curious, and excited. Darn.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by busymomof5

I sent a message to my pdoc asking her if she would clear me to going back into my field and taking this job. She wrote me back and said we need to talk about it. I was expecting her to say it would be fine. Now I have the interview in an hour and I suddenly feel nervous and discouraged instead of eager, curious, and excited. Darn.

Let us know how it goes.

[busymomof5]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Let us know how it goes.

I chickened out and canceled the interview . I know I shouldn’t have. I feel overwhelmed. My mental health does interfere with my day to day life. I have doubted myself. My husband thinks I’m disabled tbh. But I want to work.

[*Beth*]

I'm sorry . It has to be so difficult to want to work, but not feeling quite up to that kind of responsibility. I have a feeling that your intuition about cancelling was good, though.