[Fuzzybear]

....................................

[Moose72]

Anything specifically going on Fuzzy?

[Fuzzybear]

I was feeling ''hopeless'' and ''not good enough'' due to the negative chatter in my head and wondered if others experience this (abusers also told me I am these things). I try to put Papa bear's (my husband's) needs first but still feel ''a failure'' (this is not new, I've been feeling it more lately though)

[yellow_fleurs]

I am really sorry you feel like this. I used to have a very negative voice that played in my head saying mean things to me. I think a combination of what people have said to me in the past and depression making me feel more worthless. I did not experience any sort of severe abuse, though. I think having positive mentors and relationships in recent years, plus a therapist who had a kind view of me slowly chipped away at that negative voice, but it still crops up sometimes.

Is anything making you feel like this more recently? Is there a reason you feel you need to put your husband's needs above yours, instead of something a bit more equal? Your needs are important, too.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Love you, Fuzzybear

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I am really sorry you feel like this. I used to have a very negative voice that played in my head saying mean things to me. I think a combination of what people have said to me in the past and depression making me feel more worthless. I did not experience any sort of severe abuse, though. I think having positive mentors and relationships in recent years, plus a therapist who had a kind view of me slowly chipped away at that negative voice, but it still crops up sometimes.

Is anything making you feel like this more recently? Is there a reason you feel you need to put your husband's needs above yours, instead of something a bit more equal? Your needs are important, too.

Thanks yellow_fleurs.

A few things have been making me feel like this more recently. We don't have supportive family (and I have no siblings). He doesn't talk much to his siblings (he hasn't for a long time) and he is ok with that. He thinks I talk ''too much''... most other people have criticised me for being ''too quiet''. He gets stressed when he receives ''too much'' sensory input (talking etc) but likes the tv. I do not. So I'm ''alone'' in the evenings. It makes the negative chatter in my head worse sometimes. He thinks we interact a lot (I don't). Also he is practical and I am not (the abusers told me I am ''useless'' ) (I think I have a lot of difficulty staying focused on practical things and some other reasons...) I've been trying to find some distractions.....

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Love you, Fuzzybear

Love you Purple,Violet,Blue

[*Beth*]

I never thought I'd say this, but CBT is helping me a fair bit with negative and intrusive thoughts and judgments.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I never thought I'd say this, but CBT is helping me a fair bit with negative and intrusive thoughts and judgments.

Are you doing CBT online or with a book or Zoom?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Are you doing CBT online or with a book or Zoom?

My therapist uses it a lot, especially since we've been having teletherapy.

[Breaking Dawn]

(((Fuzzybear)))

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thanks yellow_fleurs.

A few things have been making me feel like this more recently. We don't have supportive family (and I have no siblings). He doesn't talk much to his siblings (he hasn't for a long time) and he is ok with that. He thinks I talk ''too much''... most other people have criticised me for being ''too quiet''. He gets stressed when he receives ''too much'' sensory input (talking etc) but likes the tv. I do not. So I'm ''alone'' in the evenings. It makes the negative chatter in my head worse sometimes. He thinks we interact a lot (I don't). Also he is practical and I am not (the abusers told me I am ''useless'' ) (I think I have a lot of difficulty staying focused on practical things and some other reasons...) I've been trying to find some distractions.....

I can definitely understand how this would affect how you feel. I am sorry you are alone on the evenings. Do you think there could be a chance to change anything with your husband, like maybe through compromising on some things like how you spend your time together? I guess expanding your support network right would be especially hard right now with Covid. Also you are definitely not "useless", and you have value.

[Fuzzybear]

I guess as far as ''support'' I could try a therapist although that too would stress Papa bear out (and it would stress me out too.....) But maybe I might find a therapist who listens, that would be nice

I think he might be high functioning Aspergers, he was labelled ''introverted'' when he was at school and I don't think his school was into labels.. unlike that place I went to. He isn't interested in talking to people, even on line, but his social skills are fine except in the evenings. I did not notice how ''quiet'' he was for a long time, (at least a few years) I was always labelled as ''quiet'' but now I'm not so much But I'd rather he said nothing than what the rest of the ''family'' say - judgments, talking about paint drying, scary ugly topics

[Fuzzybear]

I just posted in another thread about

GIGO

GARBAGE in

GARBAGE out

It can be quite a powerful way of eliminating.... for a time..... bad memories that constantly replay.... at least it works for me sometimes. Sub optimal individuals who spout venom and/or ignorance in fact spout GARBAGE.....

Which needs to go OUT

I hope this helps someone else out there

[Fuzzybear]

I thought I was ...... (deleted) earlier on today (like losing the plot)

Just getting by... with my harsh muzzle ON And the abusive words still screaming at me how BAD I am. I wish they would stop.

[wolftrap]

I'm sorry you are experiencing these thoughts Fuzzy. My sister experienced such thoughts for most of her life, along with extreme anxiety. I don't know how she dealt with it, but I do know that she is now a much happier person. I hope you find a solution.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I just posted in another thread about

GIGO

GARBAGE in

GARBAGE out

It can be quite a powerful way of eliminating.... for a time..... bad memories that constantly replay.... at least it works for me sometimes. Sub optimal individuals who spout venom and/or ignorance in fact spout GARBAGE.....

Which needs to go OUT

I hope this helps someone else out there

Thanks, it does help me. I love the idea! I'll check you other thread

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I thought I was ...... (deleted) earlier on today (like losing the plot)

Just getting by... with my harsh muzzle ON And the abusive words still screaming at me how BAD I am. I wish they would stop.

I wish yours would stop

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Thanks, it does help me. I love the idea! I'll check you other thread

Thanks Purple (it was in a reply to someone else I mentioned this) (I don't know more about it than what I posted really)

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thanks Purple (it was in a reply to someone else I mentioned this) (I don't know more about it than what I posted really)

Thanks

I've replied on that thread. This really gets to the heart of a lot of things

[busymomof5]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I was feeling ''hopeless'' and ''not good enough'' due to the negative chatter in my head and wondered if others experience this (abusers also told me I am these things). I try to put Papa bear's (my husband's) needs first but still feel ''a failure'' (this is not new, I've been feeling it more lately though)

I’m sorry Fuzzybear. When I feel depressed I also feel like failure and the chatter in my head doesn’t help. It does help me to examine the evidence of my failure to expand my thoughts. For example, I feel like a failure because my daughter got kicked out of nursing school and is living with a terrible boyfriend. Bad mom, right? Failure. Expand the narrative. My daughter came to me first about nursing school. She took my advice on what to do. She calls me every day. Last week she bought me lunch. She works full-time. There is some positive in my story. And if you can’t see the positive right now, it’s not your fault. People make choices for a lot of reasons.

You’re a good egg.

[*Beth*]

What you've described, the evening routine, sounds painful. Your husband watching TV , leaving you "alone." Many years ago when my husband and I still lived together he used to watch sports on TV for hours, nearly every night. I felt abandoned and ignored. Being abandoned in such a way (or in any way) is so terribly hurtful.

I'm sorry, Fuzzy.