[Marvelousparker]

Before I start, I want to say that I am very new to this world, just diagnosed this week. And to be honest, I liked it better before I was diagnosed. I at least know what is going on in my head now, but at the same time I feel like I need my hypomania to stay sane, and with medication, I worry that I won't ever feel happy or driven again.
I enjoy being manic. It's like getting high without the side effects of smoking. I just want to feel the strong emotions that keep me on my toes, the euphoria. I don't want to lose that. I do, however, want to lose the depression.
I can't stand not being able to get out of bed or take showers or clean my room or go to school. I'd get rid of that side of me in a heartbeat. But I feel like mania is such a part of me that if I treat it, I will lose a part of myself. I still want spontaneity and fun. I don't want to be normal. I want to be me.

[Moose72]

I think you're describing hypomania. Mania is a different beast altogether and can spiral out of control "just like that".

[Soupe du jour]

Marvelousparker, I think you need to discover what stability really is. All of those things you say you want can be had in stability. Hypomania would not be considered part of an illness if it was normal. Though it can be a highly appealing mood state, it also comes with dysfunction and ramifications sometimes. Full mania is as Moose72 describes. Super duper bad news! You likely have not experienced that. It is a very dysfunctional state, and often leads to psychiatric hospitalization. Nothing to hope for. Believe me. It ain't cool!

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry that things are being hard! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. It may simply not be worth it if you also have to deal with misery later. i think it may be wiser to focus on having a more balanced but happy Life. Definitely try to work with a therapist and Pdoc to handle all this. You Deserve to Feel Better. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Marvelousparker, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I think you're describing hypomania. Mania is a different beast altogether and can spiral out of control "just like that".

What Moose described. Hypomania is a wonderful high as long as one can keep things between the lines. In my experience, however, crossing that line can be very damaging & dangerous. Plus, one sometimes doesn't realize when one is crossing over into that danger zone. Be careful what you wish for...

[*Beth*]

I've never known anyone with BD who doesn't long for hypomania. And why wouldn't we...it feels like a gift! Something really special. All that energy, creativity, ability to socialize...everything. We all want that. But, like you mentioned, the flip side is depression. No one wants that part of the disorder.

The best I can offer you is to work and practice to find true stability. I know it's not a great trade-off, but in the big picture it's worth it

[Soupe du jour]

The day I finally stopped romanticizing hypomania was the day I finally started making progress in my recovery.