[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My friend whom I haven't seen in several years wants to come see me. At first he said Wednesday then I said I have my 2nd covid shot that day. He replied that he's not vaccinated - and not planning on being so - and he doesn't want me to "shed" around him. So then he told me that his unvaccinated son just moved back in with him after a month of being gone and that they're working construction together. I told him that I don't want to get together anymore after he is so un social distanced and having his son who is not vaccinated either contributing to spreading covid. It's too bad because I really want to see him again but not if he's scaring me about covid. And he can only come this week not after I get my second shot so oh well.

Good for you for being straightforward! And for taking care of yourself!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I dont feel any better about the way things ended with my Pdoc. All the uncertainty about the NP and what her guidelines about benzos are is stressing me out really bad. I have been hitting my Xanax hard ( no need to worry )

Honestly I just wish I could sleep 24/7

I am just so over everything

Hugs to anyone in need

I am so, so sorry Christina. I wish there was some way I could help you

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm just so extremely sad that I couldn't help crying. My husband's best friend is still so utterly sick with covid-19, and definitely seems delirious. He has contacted his main contacts in Czech Republic (in addition to my husband) telling them what he needs their help with after he dies. And in addition to this, he keeps asking people in Czech Republic, including my husband, to go to the US and bring him to Czech Republic to come here to a hospital. Obviously that's not possible and the request itself shows his delirium. My husband has been in contact with the other two main contacts here in CZ. His wife has taken him to their local hospital in New Jersey three times, but they keep sending him home because his lungs seem fine. I told my husband that if it were me so sick, that he (my husband) would have taken me to New York Presbyterian Hospital by now. My husband agreed that he would have. It is heart-breaking that his friend is experiencing so much mental anguish. It's just beyond horrible! Both my husband and I read online that neurological issues are not uncommon as a result of covid. I just hope that his friend (assuming he will live) won't have any lasting neurological damage.

Today will likely be my last session with my American psychiatrist, via video session, after 14 years knowing him. That in itself would be a stressful and cry-provoking thing, but there is just so much going on. Unless my American psychiatrist starts seeing me for free or on a generous sliding scale. For those unfamiliar with me, I do have a new psychiatrist in CZ. It's not that I have none.

I'm sending you strength and hugs.

[buddha1too]

I'm still not feeling well. The anxiety has turned into something that feels suspiciously like depression. I'm not tired, but I'd love to just sleep the day away. When I do sleep at night, I keep waking up & am ready to rise at 6:00 (I'm usually up quite late). This morning I took a Klonopin so I could get back to sleep & settle my nerves. I know that's not the prescribed usage, but that's what I did.

When I went to see my pdoc last Tuesday, he did something that really pissed me off. When I explained what I've been experiencing, he asked if I've been drinking or drugging...which, for those of you who've read my posts, know isn't a problem for me anymore. I just feel he doesn't take me seriously sometimes.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I'm still not feeling well. The anxiety has turned into something that feels suspiciously like depression. I'm not tired, but I'd love to just sleep the day away. When I do sleep at night, I keep waking up & am ready to rise at 6:00 (I'm usually up quite late). This morning I took a Klonopin so I could get back to sleep & settle my nerves. I know that's not the prescribed usage, but that's what I did.

When I went to see my pdoc last Tuesday, he did something that really pissed me off. When I explained what I've been experiencing, he asked if I've been drinking or drugging...which, for those of you who've read my posts, know isn't a problem for me anymore. I just feel he doesn't take me seriously sometimes.

I'm very surprised, and dismayed, that your pdoc didn't make any changes to your medications, given that your mental state has not been too well for quite a long time.

[Nammu]

So sorry so many here are going though pretty tough times. Times aren’t tough for me but I’ve been edgy, tears and irritability is going up. I had planed to shower today. To that end I hadn’t gotten dressed. Was waiting for the noon news then thought I’d shower while mum watched tv. But she asked me to take her to a place to sign papers. Then I took her to the store to get her otc meds. She wanted to use her credit card and had lots of problems because the customer has to input info. Mum is used to handing the card to the teller. Then we went to eat out. That was good. Fish and broccoli. Yum. And a piece of cheesecake to bring home. I don’t know why I’m shaky. I could use a real bath tub for a long soak. With bath oils and lavender.

@Nammu:

Sorry to read you are feeling shaky and rough. Happy to hear about your meal out with your mom tho. I love dining out. A special bath sounds wonderful! Hope you feel better soon.

Ta!

Jane.

My sleep schedule is really getting out-of-control. I got up at 3:45am this morning. I went to bed at 8:00pm tho, like a little kid. So that's almost eight hours, just at an unusual time slot. I'd like to keep up the ultra-early mornings tho as it's better for dieting. It was my first day at 8mg of Valium in my benzo taper but i don't really think that's the cause of the early waking. I think it's more my mood going up with the Spring as per usual for me with the seasons. The benzo taper might be exacerbating the sleep disturbance tho.

I got my name on the radio today! I've been listening to morning radio lately and today they had a comedian on to make fun abut Mother's Day and listeners were asked to contact them with the name of their favorite comedian. So i texted in Bo Burnham and said he was super talented and very naughty. I guess they liked that because they announced my name and Bo's! I was so thrilled! I heard it over my one earbud as we were walking the dogs at that time. I was overjoyed!

Today was Day 12 of my diet and i made a booboo. I was a day-dreamer and a silly-heart and ate a bag of chips at 1040 cals. It was because i was so frazzled and wanted some comfort. I was upset because of making arrangements for my dogs dental care over the next two days, the phone calls, emails and texts flying and also because of the abrupt change in hours and because of the excitement with the radio. It was after a small breakfast and lunch tho so i skipped dinner and wound up with about 1600 cals for the day so far from my goal of 1200 but not terrible.

Once again, i'd like to invite all who care to join me over on the overeating/binge-eating forum here.

Hugs to all!

[*Beth*]

This morning I went grocery shopping at the "big, scary store." My husband urges me to shop there because the prices are lower there than at the store where I prefer to shop (which is a more intimate, gourmet-type store). I fully agree that we need to save $ so I made it to and through the large store. Yay me.

Sleepy! For many months I have not been able to fall asleep for about 2 hours after I get into bed. It's wearing on me. I take 12.5mg Seroquel and usually either melatonin or ZzzQuil. None of them seem to do much anymore, and I refuse to raise my Seroquel dose because I have so much physical damage from the stuff.


88 degrees today and beautiful!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Good for you for being straightforward! And for taking care of yourself!

My 2nd shot is Wednesday morning. Then I plan on staying home in case I feel bad or tired.

[Sunflower123]

I’m all kinds of busy trying to get out of town to attend graduation and spend my daughter’s birthday with her. As Murphy’s Law would have it, my brother fell in the hall and he is messed up. He can’t walk unassisted and I dread to think what might be damaged. He wouldn’t go to the hospital because of COVID and the earliest I could get him in to see an orthopedic specialist is this Wednesday. I’ve done everything I can to keep him comfortable but his tears are undoing me. Wednesday can’t get here fast enough for me. I pray he is okay. He already deals with an unhealing wound on his foot. He doesn’t deserve this as well. Nobody does.

I’m tremendously stressed out for that and other reasons. I know there are several people having a tough time right now. I send hugs and supportive vibes.

[Soupe du jour]

buddah1too, it's starting to be a long time that you've felt unwell. I agree with BethRags that it is a shame that your psychiatrist treated you as they did. Unless I'm remembering wrong, haven't you been sober for quite a while now? I think it is unfair that your doctor would question that. You have bipolar disorder. Sometimes psychiatrists get overly obsessed with addiction. I know that well. It took me a while in order to get some providers to realize that that wasn't my main issue anymore, not that it was my CORE issue in the past, either. Would you consider contacting your pdoc's office to let them know your bipolar wasn't sufficiently addressed?

Nammu, I hope you finally got a peaceful bath. Or will soon get one. That's nice that you helped out your mom. You should feel good about that.

BethRags, I know what you mean about wanting to only go to low stress places. I know when I've had to go to busier joints, I've become quite anxious. Usually my husband went with me (and always goes with me now). Sometimes I've asked him if I can step outside for a bit to regroup. I used to do that. If you go with your husband, is that something you might do when you go to the busier store?

Moose72, I'm glad to read that you are getting your 2nd vaccination. Seeing how sick people can get from covid, I wish everyone would go get vaccinated.

Jennifer, congratulations to your daughter on her graduation! What a wonderful accomplishment. Also, I hope your brother recovers quickly.

[Soupe du jour]

My husband and I managed to get some business-related stuff done relating to my SSDI, but not everything. It appears to get the rest done we either have to go to Warsaw, Poland (they can't do what I want in Czech Republic) or in the US (which we don't plan to visit for a while). Oh well. We'll be OK for the time being.

At the end of my video session with my American psychiatrist yesterday, he wouldn't let me say goodbye. He told me to send him updates by email in the coming weeks. No charge. I felt good about that. He's so kind. He is already working from him office again, as opposed to his home. It was nice to see the art in the background that I was familiar with. Coincidentally, the painting I saw was of a building in my childhood hometown. He looked great. Healthier than he had, after his knee surgery. I told him so. It was as I always remembered him. Back when I was still in the US, he told me that I should stop by his office after the pandemic, when I visit the US. I will certainly want to do that. He's been like a father to me, in a sense.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

buddah1too, it's starting to be a long time that you've felt unwell. I agree with BethRags that it is a shame that your psychiatrist treated you as they did. Unless I'm remembering wrong, haven't you been sober for quite a while now? I think it is unfair that your doctor would question that. You have bipolar disorder. Sometimes psychiatrists get overly obsessed with addiction. I know that well. It took me a while in order to get some providers to realize that that wasn't my main issue anymore, not that it was my CORE issue in the past, either. Would you consider contacting your pdoc's office to let them know your bipolar wasn't sufficiently addressed?

Things have reached that point -- I kind of feel like I'm crawling out of my own skin right now. I've been sober almost 20 years, so it blew me out of the water when he suggested drinking might be an issue. I have APs & ADs available, but my pdoc can't seem to give me any advice as to what to do. Things have gone off the rails where my relationship with him has gone. Finding another pdoc in this market is out of the question, too.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

...
BethRags, I know what you mean about wanting to only go to low stress places. I know when I've had to go to busier joints, I've become quite anxious. Usually my husband went with me (and always goes with me now). Sometimes I've asked him if I can step outside for a bit to regroup. I used to do that. If you go with your husband, is that something you might do when you go to the busier store?
...

I had to have my husband take me grocery shopping while my achilles was healing. Haha, no thanks. I was immensely relieved to shop by myself, then tell him about my "adventure" later

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

My husband and I managed to get some business-related stuff done relating to my SSDI, but not everything. It appears to get the rest done we either have to go to Warsaw, Poland (they can't do what I want in Czech Republic) or in the US (which we don't plan to visit for a while). Oh well. We'll be OK for the time being.

At the end of my video session with my American psychiatrist yesterday, he wouldn't let me say goodbye. He told me to send him updates by email in the coming weeks. No charge. I felt good about that. He's so kind. He is already working from him office again, as opposed to his home. It was nice to see the art in the background that I was familiar with. Coincidentally, the painting I saw was of a building in my childhood hometown. He looked great. Healthier than he had, after his knee surgery. I told him so. It was as I always remembered him. Back when I was still in the US, he told me that I should stop by his office after the pandemic, when I visit the US. I will certainly want to do that. He's been like a father to me, in a sense.

What a blessing of a relationship!

Victory! I went to binge again and i stopped after a few mouthfuls and threw my binge-food-of-choice down the garbage chute! Now, just not to buy it in the first place... Baby steps! The trigger was i had just finished some hectic work. That seems to be the problem. I do work and then feel i deserve something. Not sure what to do instead. Ideas?

Ta!

Jane.

[buddha1too]

I called my pdoc and have a telephone appointment at 11:40 tomorrow. I hate to have another co-pay since I just saw him last week, but I need to get this cleared up. My next appointment wasn't until July. I could have had an in-person meeting, but didn't want to. I'm afraid I'll go off on him.

@buddha1too:

So glad to read you are getting some attention quickly.

I think one thing i can do as a harm-reduction measure is to get some fruit to eat when i've done some hard work and feel i deserve some pleasure. Since my dentist painted a protective substance on my worn-down back teeth i've been able to eat fruit again. I love raspberries, grapes, oranges, almost all fruit except bananas. Sound like a good idea?

Ta!

Jane.

[buddha1too]

My last post got edited by administrators because it was inappropriate. I apologize if I offended anyone...in retrospect, I think I offended myself. I don't mean to make excuses, but feeling as I do right now makes me vulnerable to stupidity.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I think one thing i can do as a harm-reduction measure is to get some fruit to eat when i've done some hard work and feel i deserve some pleasure. Since my dentist painted a protective substance on my worn-down back teeth i've been able to eat fruit again. I love raspberries, grapes, oranges, almost all fruit except bananas. Sound like a good idea?

Ta!

Jane.

Sure! One of the best things I have ever purchased was a smoothie maker. It's basically a really small blender with a cup for smoothies. I make all kinds of smoothies! They're delicious and healthy.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

My last post got edited by administrators because it was inappropriate. I apologize if I offended anyone...in retrospect, I think I offended myself. I don't mean to make excuses, but feeling as I do right now makes me vulnerable to stupidity.

I didn't see anything objectionable in your last post, so no worry. I did see that you've scheduled an appointment with your psychiatrist. I know the co-pay sucks, but good for you! Obviously, you need some med changes.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

My last post got edited by administrators because it was inappropriate. I apologize if I offended anyone...in retrospect, I think I offended myself. I don't mean to make excuses, but feeling as I do right now makes me vulnerable to stupidity.

I didn’t see anything objectionable either, but I’m old and hard to shock.

[*Beth*]

I treasure my cats; they are precious to me. They are my family. They live entirely indoors where I can keep them as safe as possible. My apartment manager just knocked on my door to tell me that a little orange stray cat that hung around here, and that he feeds, was run over. The guy was crying. I felt awful for him, and for that poor cat that someone abandoned.

Now I feel sad.