I wrote about this on the check-in thread but it didn't get any attention there so i thought i would make it it's own thread. What do you do if suppressing your anger ruins your day but expressing your anger ruins it too?

[Victoria'smom]

Anger is a feeling I have trouble with.

[*Beth*]

GOOD question, whatever! Anger management has been a major, major issue in my life. If I show anger there's "trouble." If I repress anger I get depressed and even suicidal.

As I understand it, the answer is to be assertive. Validating and assertive. i.e.,

"I understand that you are trying to do your job. However, I feel angry because I am not being heard by you. What can we do in this so we both feel that we are being treated fairly?"
or
"I would like to continue to do business with your pharmacy, and I know you'd like me as a customer. How can we fix the problem we're having?"

Passive-aggressive never works. Never. Neither does throwing something at the pharmacy tech (I did it once, I know).

[buddha1too]

Being assertive is the best route, but I should take that advice to heart myself! I'm one to swallow anger & rehash things throughout the day. I try to live by the motto, "Do you want to be right, or be happy?" Of course I'd like to be happy! But that doesn't necessarily preclude pointing out when someone says or does something wrong or hurtful. Beth's answer to your question is excellent. You're not alone in struggling with balance where anger is concerned, whatever.

[*Beth*]

whatever, how are you feeling today?

@BethRags: I still felt down in the daytime but once evening arrived i felt better.

[*Beth*]

That's good. It has always seemed to me that having problems with the pharmacy creates its own special type of frustration and anger.

[~Christina]

I buy the uglist dishes from thrift stores and when my anger is just off the charts I smash one or more.. My T and Pdoc think this is fine. Mind you I have to be in a full on angry rage.. But yes ugly ugly dishes works for me.

[bizi]

What ever works!!!!!
This may not sit well with you but.....

I don't feel like I get angry...I listen to what the other person has done or said and I feel bad I believe their truth, and feel they are angry with me. I don't like confrontations. I want to be liked by everyone so I am nice to every one.....
bizi

[RoxanneToto]

My method is certainly not 100% practical, but works for me in general. In the past I’ve written in my diary until I felt better, as a cathartic exercise. I kept a diary every day when I was much younger and still didn’t know how to express that anger in a more productive way. I’m learning to detach where being calm/open to negotiate isn’t an option. That is a great skill to cultivate, though.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by bizi

I don't feel like I get angry...I listen to what the other person has done or said and I feel bad I believe their truth, and feel they are angry with me. I don't like confrontations. I want to be liked by everyone so I am nice to every one.....
bizi

The world would be a much more peaceful place if everyone followed your lead, @bizi. Thanks for sharing.

[MickeyCheeky]

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about making your voice feel heard without letting your anger win if possible. i think it may not be easy but it is possible. Perhaps it requires exercise and practice among other things as Well. Still, i think learning to control our anger can prove to be really useful. Hope things will improve soon for everyone. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to ALL of you, @whatever2013, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

@MickeyCheeky:

Thanks for the support! Yes, practice makes perfect! I reprimanded a man yesterday who was holding me up in line at the mall for not covering his nose with his mask. I called him "sir" and spoke loudly and clearly and he co-operated. So i guess in this one minor instance i did express and discharge my anger successfully!