[Victoria'smom]

So I almost asked for a divorce because.... Well I'm a train wreck. Then almost went IP. When do you accept this is as good as it gets? That your not Nero Typical and "The world not being on fire" Is as good as you can hope for. That you're not going to complete school, your not going to get an awesome full-time job or many of the "normal" things.

[Moose72]

I hear you! I'm never going to have a great satisfying career. (I tried twice or three times actually to get a degree in something I might like but no deal. I was rejected or I couldn't hack the work brain wise.)

P.S. Don't get a divorce on a whim. I did that- may have been manic actually- and lots of times I regret it even though I regret it and it will be 20 years in a couple years!

[Victoria'smom]

I'm lucky I didn't say it. That phrase is an automatic emergency appointment with all Therapists in our family.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So I almost asked for a divorce because.... Well I'm a train wreck. Then almost went IP. When do you accept this is as good as it gets? That your not Nero Typical and "The world not being on fire" Is as good as you can hope for. That you're not going to complete school, your not going to get an awesome full-time job or many of the "normal" things.

I have discovered a way to take capsules. bend you head down and sip a lot of water then the pills float to the top and you just swallow them. they go down easy that way, it just works on capsules though.
bizi

bizi

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Maybe you need an emergency therapist appointment? That and thinking about IP are usually warning signs for you.

[buddha1too]

Crisis mode can be a dangerous space. BeyondtheRainbow is right to suggest that an emergency appointment might help you right the ship, so to speak. I wish I could offer more suggestions, but it seems others know your situation better than I. Try to hang in there.

[daladico]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So I almost asked for a divorce because.... Well I'm a train wreck. Then almost went IP. When do you accept this is as good as it gets? That your not Nero Typical and "The world not being on fire" Is as good as you can hope for. That you're not going to complete school, your not going to get an awesome full-time job or many of the "normal" things.

I feel this so much!
And I often feel like a train wreck due to bp too... you aren’t alone 🖤

[Victoria'smom]

I'm being really careful because I know those are red flags for me. I don't even know what to say to T. " Hi you don't know me but I almost destroyed my life this week because... I'm depressed? I guess." She gets really easily frustrated with me and tends to cut our sessions short because I don't know what to talk about.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

That's exactly what you say to your therapist. Word for word. It's hard. I've had to say some really hard things to my therapist lately and it was hard. But he helped me and I felt better for making myself talk to him.

It's not easy to jump in hard with a new therapist. When I got this one my prior one of 3.5 years left with 4 weeks notice. We had to jump in with the change except almost immediately I went into a bad hypo episode with lithium toxicity and I was off meds for a while because we couldn't figure out what was making me sick. I wound up on disability for about 6 months and all of this was before we were used to each other at all.

It sounds like you need to talk to her about what to talk about when you run out of topics. My therapist and I have been together so long we have lots to chat about when there are huge pauses or I need a break from a tough topic but back in the beginning that wasn't the case but we didn't chat and get to know each other very gradually.

The therapist is there for you. So is the pdoc. Avoiding them only makes you sicker.

You can do it. Just make the call. Then go from there. One step at a time.

[Maven]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So I almost asked for a divorce because.... Well I'm a train wreck. Then almost went IP. When do you accept this is as good as it gets? That your not Nero Typical and "The world not being on fire" Is as good as you can hope for. That you're not going to complete school, your not going to get an awesome full-time job or many of the "normal" things.

I couldn't begin to tell you. People want me to accept my miserable life is the best I can get and I should just accept it. NO! I will keep on trying to find better for as long as I live. I'm a train wreck, too, and a burden. I still don't deserve how I'm treated by so many people. Don't give up, and don't let anyone tell you you should. If you need to sleep away a day (or days), do it. Keep trying to think of ways you can find the life you want, though. You deserve to be happy.

Sent from my SM-N975U1 using Tapatalk

[Victoria'smom]

So my appointment is in 3.5 weeks and it's every 2 weeks after that for the next 6 weeks. I'm not going to argue over weekly when I don't know this person. Obviously they are too busy to care about notes. It's better than nothing. I see pdoc in end of May.

[Bipolarchic14]

If it’s something that you truly want and not just something others want of you, it’s never worth giving up on.

[Victoria'smom]

I figure every other week until I get to know her and then switch to every week if that's something we both agree on.

[bizi]

sending good thoughts your way.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Victoria'smom]

Thank-you Bizi. I think I'm doing better. I get my injection tomorrow. I need to shower tonight. I'm kinda just laying around. I didn't crawl out of bed until after 7 pm yesterday. I wasn't sleeping just didn't want to move. I'm just such a mess I don't no what to do. I don't feel "bad" I'm just tired of this.

[bizi]

Please try to work the system to make it work for you.
try to imagine your self as a princess who deserves to be treated well and know that you are beautiful just the way you are.
bizi

[*Beth*]

^^ This! ^^

[Victoria'smom]

I braved my injection. I didn't say anything to her. I talked to my husband last night. He want's me to elaborate on I don't know when I say that. That I tend to shut down conversations I'm really good at that especially when I'm nervous.

[~Christina]

im glad you got your shot .. Take it one day at a time

[Victoria'smom]

After an eventful night. I realize I'm not as much of a train wreck as I thought. Now to stop the self destructive thoughts.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bizi

Please try to work the system to make it work for you.
try to imagine your self as a princess who deserves to be treated well and know that you are beautiful just the way you are.
bizi

Good post

Hugs

[Victoria'smom]

I’m being ripped apart with anxiety. I talk to my T on Tuesday that’s probably why I’m feeling a little better.I stayed home all day Friday by myself and didn’t freak out. Even after they were hours late and the car broke down. I hate how I don’t know how to put words to the feelings. I get nervous and shut down conversations. My head’s loud at night. I’ve had some serious conversations with my husband these past couple of days.

We worked out a meal plan we both can agree with. I got the meal supplement today and I’m mad because my mom was like it’s not X right because that makes you gain a lot of weight? I mean come on she knows I struggle with food. I just sent her a picture of it and stopped saying anything to her. There are several reasons I’m trying to lose weight. However the meal replacement was/is because I don’t get enough protein/vitamins. I’m overweight and malnourished. I want to be like “this is why XYZ, mom”. I’m trying to give her grace that my issues are biological and not directly her fault but I’m still mad.

I’ve been getting mad very easily. H says it’s all warranted but I’m not generally an angry person, it has me concerned. I’m getting too angry for me to handle, with my loud head, anxiety, eating habits, and bank account dwindling I’m getting concerned. I’m really angry!!!!

[bizi]

I am proud of you taking your meds!
keep it up!
bizi

[Victoria'smom]

I just talked to my therapist and almost when I p. Apparently I'm still pretty depressed. I don't think a lot of those questions at Fair given the other things that I have also. She wants me to create a routine, be kind to myself, and try meditation. She put me on the call back list so if she doesn't hear from me in a while she'll call. She wants me to look up my medicine so I'm sure that there's no calories in it.

[bizi]

She sounds like she really cares about you.
bizi