Train wreck

She doesn't know enough about me but I'm hopeful.

Well I have a new t. I am a train wreck. No one deserves what I put him through. He said if I'm ever say that I want a divorce he'd still be friends knowing it came from a place of sickness. I just want to be normal. Why isn't love enough. I want to be able to breathe. I want to be self destructive. I want to let all my energy out. If I tell they won't switch meds I'll be ip. So I'll be good and wait until I talk to new T. I'm an adult my husband doesn't need to babysit me. I have a plan. Just need to act normal. It's only two days before I see reg dr.

I am sad when you beat up on yourself, Mm. Clearly, you are doing all possible to help yourself. Taking your meds every day is a HUGE accomplishment! And you have a nice support system that you have created.

I'm not as negative today I called the pdoc. He told me I can visit him any time tuesdays and thursdays. He through me on Thorazine (100mg) and Vistaril (3x a day) along with my other medications. He said I will feel drugged for a couple of days but the Vistaril is like tick tacks. They're doing nothing. Don't worry H is keeping my medication. I don't know when my next appointment with pdoc is but I feel so much better being responsible and he didn't through me IP. That wasn't even on his mind Maybe next time it'll be easier to make the call. I don't know what to do with all this energy. I still want to be destructive but I can wait it out. PLUS no drinking for me. apparently drinking is bad with these meds. I'm scared of the thorazine. I'm also scared of telling other dr.'s I'm on thorazine and another AP. Am I really this ****ed up? Is sanity really worth all these drug? I'm only doing this because I realize my thinking is off.

I'm glad to hear about the thorazine. As for the Vistoril, everyone's different of course, but the stuff was a total waste for me.