Bipolar check-in #56

I fell asleep last night around 8. I slept until 3:45. I took my Geodon and I fell back asleep and I was going to get up at my usual 6:30 time but I fell back asleep until 8:45. That’s the latest I’ve slept in for awhile. But I needed it. Today I feel ok so far. I had my weekly injection which happened to be in the same arm as the vaccine. I have to alternate arms each week for my shot. But so far I haven’t had any side effects from anything and my vertigo isn’t an issue. I’ll see how things get after I take a Xanax. But I have my energy back for right now.

I feel like my old therapist has just turned into everyone else who has come and gone in my life in the last 15 years. I feel like she’s just another feather in the breeze now. I’m wondering what the big deal with her was anyways. Why things were so intense. She really wasn’t any different then anyone else. But this is how it usually is with people in my life. At the moment they are amazing. Then after I’m like “meh, she was cool but not any different then anyone else.” Then I end up forgetting about them.

Edit: the vertigo came back and I have a headache. It again started after the cold water I drank. It’s not as bad as it was yesterday though. I can’t tell if it’s the cold water I’ve been drinking or the fan. Right now I have the fan turned off and I’m drinking bottled water and I used my vertigo oil. So the vertigo is ok. I just o took Tylenol for the headache.

I’ll be glad when the pool opens next weekend. It will open Saturday but the pool party and cookout will be Monday. Hopefully, my daughter will be able to join me and we’ll get mom down there. It’s a lot of fun. The water will be like needles but that will be welcome in this hot Southern sun. I tried to read in the sun today with my Sangria but it’s too hot even in the shade. It is for me anyway.

I think if the stars align just right, I will take mom to Florida. She’s running out of years to go down there and she does love sitting in the surf right at the edge of the waves. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. We went to Costco yesterday for hours. That was a test. I passed. Tomorrow we’re going to a large Farmers Market downtown on the hunt for strawberries from a specific state. She’ll need her walker. Another good test. For my capabilities, not hers.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend. Hugs to all!

YEAH Pool time has arrived !!!

I really hope you and your Mom can make that trip, would be great memories

I'm not going to blame the beginnings of a BD episode, because there's no excuse for getting as annoyed & short tempered as I've been the past few days. It might be the heat, or maybe I'm just being an arsehole. Small things seem to be triggering me to a large degree.

My partner went to bed early because I got upset with her for not listening. Like @BeyondtheRainbow, I lost someone very close (my aunt) during the winter, & we're trying to plan her memorial service. My aunt didn't have any children, so I was the closest thing she ever had to a son. I'm an agnostic, but both my sister & my partner are Christian. My aunt was very politically liberal (she watched MSNBC all day) and she took in many stray animals. She had a heart of gold. I did some online research & tried to find a Bible reading that would aptly describe who she was. I found Proverb 31:8-9:

"Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy."

THAT was my aunt, but my sister & partner think it's too political & that I'm making the memorial all about me. F-that! Animals are mute...and I'm not going to get into politics, but there are many people who have no voice either. Unlike my sister (who only talked to her a few times a year) I talked to her on the phone almost every night; however, since Christians are taking over, they think they know better than I what is appropriate to add to the memorial service. I have absolutely no objections to other Bible offerings being read! I feel like I'm being silenced, though. What B.S.!

Anyways, I got pissed at my partner for failing to hear me out. I'll still be pissed off in the morning, too. I try not to let resentments linger too long, but this is a major sticking point for me.

I'm sorry for your loss @BeyondtheRainbow, and I'm sorry if I offended any of you who are Christians.

@buddha1too and all:

I'm sorry for your loss buddha1too. Your aunt sounds like a wonderful woman and that you had a special relationship that you valued greatly. You must be heartbroken. My heart goes out to you!

I think that quote you found was very moving and i'm sorry to hear others have objections. I mean, you're an agnostic, respecting their religious POVs -- what more do they want?

Grief twists us all up, i guess. I hope you can reach a compromise and all co-operate about the memorial service.

My mom left money and instructions for a party to be thrown to celebrate her life once she passed. I think i will do the same!

Warmest regards,

Jane.

Quote:

Originally Posted by buddha1too ... "Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy." ....

I am really sorry you're being given a hard time, because that quote is perfect. I can understand your aunt just by reading it.

I'm sorry, buddha1too. Such endeavors are hard enough without conflict coming into it. I couldn't agree more that it is bs. Could go into a rant about it actually. Suffice to say, it's pretty rich. "Works" are not political. They *should* be faith in action. To me, it's telling of the hypocritical situation. Setting that aside, if you are not objecting to ones that others have chosen, it seems only fair that you get to choose one too. It's from their own book even. I hope they relent.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Buddha, what you found sounds perfect to me. Political? They are reaching. I’m sorry they’re being such boob heads. It’s hard to observe the passing of someone we treasure when others make the remembrance all about them. Maybe you can have your own remembrance at a special place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ....

Md I had some relief from the vertigo with Advil. Can you take ibuprophen?

I can’t take Advil or ibuprofen because of my kidney issues.

Funny that when a mental health professional tells me don’t/do something I don’t listen but when a medical doctor tells me don’t/do something I listen.

But Tylenol helps. and turning off the fan helped. But I just drank some cold water and the vertigo is coming back a bit.

I swear I’m just losing my mind. My mom says the water is perfectly fine and others have been drinking it. I had been drinking warm bottled water from the garage with no issue until 15 minutes ago.

My vertigo oil works pretty well. I don’t know if it’s legit or just a placebo but if it works then I guess it’s good.

This is interesting because my sister had a reaction to chemo triggered by cold water...it only happens with cold so you have to avoid it until the chemo is out of your system. I’m not sure why it only happens with cold but it could be a related phenomenon for you.

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