[FluffyDinosaur]

I'm not sure if this is related to my bipolar, but I'm hoping someone might have some insights into what could be the cause of this, because I've been struggling with it for a long time.

The gist of it is that it's really difficult for me to absorb information verbally. In university I never used to go to lectures, because they are just a huge waste of time for me. Instead I always read books and absorb the material on my own, which I have no problems with. That wasn't really a huge issue, but of course at work meetings aren't optional, so it's much more of a problem in that context.

Other people seem able to engage during meetings, they can take in the information and ask insightful questions, but for me it's just one big blur. It's as if my mind just can't function that way, for reasons I don't understand. FWIW I have no problems at all putting my thoughts into words and conveying them to other people. Nor do I have an issue understanding what people say when it's via e-mail or some other written medium. It's just that I can't absorb the spoken word. I try to get written summaries of meetings when I can so that I can go through it later, but it's not always possible. I wish I understood this part of myself better.

My main dx is bipolar, but I also have schizoid/avoidant tendencies and I have another dx of depersonalisation/derealization disorder. I wonder if it might be related to that somehow. I've also wondered whether I might be on the autism spectrum (and other people have thought that about me, too) but when my psychiatrist tested me for that the results were negative.

[leomama]

Could it be the medication you’re on?

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by leomama

Could it be the medication you’re on?

Thanks, but no, that's something I can definitely rule out. It's been like this ever since I was a child, long before I was on any meds, and it has been a constant factor throughout my life.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Thanks, but no, that's something I can definitely rule out. It's been like this ever since I was a child, long before I was on any meds, and it has been a constant factor throughout my life.

Got it. Learning disability?

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by leomama

Got it. Learning disability?

I don't think that's it, either. I've always been able to learn very well. I have a PhD and never had problems absorbing and processing information in written form. So I have no issues learning. The only thing is that the spoken word just doesn't seem to get through into my mind.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

I don't think that's it, either. I've always been able to learn very well. I have a PhD and never had problems absorbing and processing information in written form. So I have no issues learning. The only thing is that the spoken word just doesn't seem to get through into my mind.

Learning disability doesn’t mean you can’t learn.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by leomama

Learning disability doesn’t mean you can’t learn.

Okay, that's a bit of a misnomer then. But regardless, the term learning disability doesn't really mean anything. It just says there is an issue, but it says nothing about the reasons for it. So it's basically just rephrasing what we already know. I'm hoping to find out more about why this happens. It feels like something that's quite fundamental to who I am, at least to me.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Okay, that's a bit of a misnomer then. But regardless, the term learning disability doesn't really mean anything. It just says there is an issue, but it says nothing about the reasons for it. So it's basically just rephrasing what we already know. I'm hoping to find out more about why this happens. It feels like something that's quite fundamental to who I am, at least to me.

The only way to know is to get tested.

[RoxanneToto]

I’ve found some things that sound possible:
Auditory processing disorder (APD)
- NHS
http://www.somersetdyslexia.co.uk/wp...aflet-2017.pdf

[Victoria'smom]

I'm like that too it's like I can't focus enough to understand, like they're talking another language. It's particularly bad when my anxiety is high. lip reading really helps as well as recording and playing it through headphones and taking notes. It use to stress me very badly. My AP's help I have SzA though. I can respond like I understand but I don't. It's why I gave up on school so many times. I tend to get really quiet when it's bad.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by leomama

The only way to know is to get tested.

That sounds plausible, do you have any specific tests you recommend?

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I’ve found some things that sound possible:
Auditory processing disorder (APD)
- NHS
http://www.somersetdyslexia.co.uk/wp...aflet-2017.pdf

Thank you, those look interesting! I'll be sure to check them out!

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

That sounds plausible, do you have any specific tests you recommend?

Well you said you had a PhD , I’m guessing the school that gave you the phd would have testing facilities . I got tested at a junior college .

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm like that too it's like I can't focus enough to understand, like they're talking another language. It's particularly bad when my anxiety is high. lip reading really helps as well as recording and playing it through headphones and taking notes. It use to stress me very badly. My AP's help I have SzA though. I can respond like I understand but I don't. It's why I gave up on school so many times. I tend to get really quiet when it's bad.

Thank you, that sounds very much like my experience. For me it also feels like I can't focus enough to understand and like it's another language. Even if I really try to focus it's like my brain refuses to take it in. I feel the same way when I respond, like I'm faking it. Often it kind of feels like I'm in a dream and I hear my own voice responding on autopilot, but it doesn't really have meaning to me. I've always attributed that to my derealization but maybe there's more to it.

I'm diagnosed as bipolar and not SzA, but on personality tests I tend to have elevated scores on schizoid and (to a lesser extent) schizotypal, which I've heard some people consider as part of a "schizophrenia spectrum," if there is such a thing. I mainly have a significant number of the "negative symptoms" of schizophrenia, like flat affect, avoiding close relationships, being solitary most of the time, unable to really enjoy things, and so on. I tend to live more "in my head" than in the real world. I wonder if this could be related to that.

As to quitting school, I'm really happy that in university the lectures were optional so that I could skip them and learn in my own way. In high school classes were mandatory and it was a disaster. I can't function in any environment where I'm forced to spend large amounts of time in classrooms or interacting with other people.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by leomama

Well you said you had a PhD , I’m guessing the school that gave you the phd would have testing facilities . I got tested at a junior college .

Thanks, that's possible, however I've been away from that university for several years now so I'm not sure they would help me anymore. I could ask my psychiatrist about it, though.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Thanks, that's possible, however I've been away from that university for several years now so I'm not sure they would help me anymore. I could ask my psychiatrist about it, though.

That’s going to be my next suggestion, ask your psych.

[*Beth*]

Your OP reminds me of my husband. He's quite articulate, but when it comes to learning by listening he has tremendous difficulty. I'm absolutely sure he has ADHD, he's definitely a highly anxious person, and I have wondered if he has some autism going on.


Do you feel especially anxious when listening to others?

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by leomama

That’s going to be my next suggestion, ask your psych.

I will, for sure. But I appreciate the insights here as well. I find that people who live the experience sometimes have different insights than psychiatrists or therapists who've never had any first-hand experience.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

I will, for sure. But I appreciate the insights here as well. I find that people who live the experience sometimes have different insights than psychiatrists or therapists who've never had any first-hand experience.

I have a non specific learning disability and an aa degree. Usually you have it identified for accommodations. In your case you don’t need classroom accommodations, however it looks like you could benefit from work accommodations.

when I was a child, I was known for remembering things told to me- phone numbers, addresses, tv skedules, if you needed to know something, just ask me- my memory was quite good back then.

when I got diagnosed with bipolar, the combo of meds, stress, other thoughts dominating the brain (dark thoughts) it all messed with my memory really hard, and over the years it's gotten worse and worse- I had to quit my education very early on, start using sticky notes everywhere, I'm to the point now where I've even considered the possibility of early onset dimentia- it may be a bit extreme, but I did see a programme about a choir where someone had it (and he was younger than I was!)

I'm also the first person to hold my hand up and say I don't take proper care of myself- eat what I should, get enough exercise and sleep, etc etc. I just don't care
I have even had a few instances lately- where I have eaten 2 meals because I can't remember if I have eaten or not

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Your OP reminds me of my husband. He's quite articulate, but when it comes to learning by listening he has tremendous difficulty. I'm absolutely sure he has ADHD, he's definitely a highly anxious person, and I have wondered if he has some autism going on.

Do you feel especially anxious when listening to others?

It does make me anxious, but that's more a side-effect of getting frustrated because I'm not taking anything in. It makes me feel like I'm failing. But yes, in general I do have pretty high anxiety.

I've had ADHD tested as well, but I scored almost zero on that, so I'm fairly sure I don't have that. I go back and forth wondering if I might have some sort of autism even if the tests say no, but after what Miguel'smom said I think it's plausible that it's related to that. I think schizoid symptoms can come across as autistic sometimes.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

when I was a child, I was known for remembering things told to me- phone numbers, addresses, tv skedules, if you needed to know something, just ask me- my memory was quite good back then.

when I got diagnosed with bipolar, the combo of meds, stress, other thoughts dominating the brain (dark thoughts) it all messed with my memory really hard, and over the years it's gotten worse and worse- I had to quit my education very early on, start using sticky notes everywhere, I'm to the point now where I've even considered the possibility of early onset dimentia- it may be a bit extreme, but I did see a programme about a choir where someone had it (and he was younger than I was!)

I'm also the first person to hold my hand up and say I don't take proper care of myself- eat what I should, get enough exercise and sleep, etc etc. I just don't care
I have even had a few instances lately- where I have eaten 2 meals because I can't remember if I have eaten or not

Yeah, I'm quite good at noticing and remembering strings of information as well (another reason why I considered autism at some point). I still am. It's mainly when I'm in a severe depressive episode that I notice my memory taking a hit, but it usually recovers afterwards.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by leomama

I have a non specific learning disability and an aa degree. Usually you have it identified for accommodations. In your case you don’t need classroom accommodations, however it looks like you could benefit from work accommodations.

Yeah, I think so too, although I'm not sure what sort of accomodations. And I'm pretty hesitant to ask for it given that I've just been on leave for a long time due to my last episode.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Yeah, I think so too, although I'm not sure what sort of accomodations. And I'm pretty hesitant to ask for it given that I've just been on leave for a long time due to my last episode.

Then I would definitely discuss with your psychiatrist .