[FluffyDinosaur]

I'm not sure if this is related to my bipolar, but I'm hoping someone might have some insights into what could be the cause of this, because I've been struggling with it for a long time.

The gist of it is that it's really difficult for me to absorb information verbally. In university I never used to go to lectures, because they are just a huge waste of time for me. Instead I always read books and absorb the material on my own, which I have no problems with. That wasn't really a huge issue, but of course at work meetings aren't optional, so it's much more of a problem in that context.

Other people seem able to engage during meetings, they can take in the information and ask insightful questions, but for me it's just one big blur. It's as if my mind just can't function that way, for reasons I don't understand. FWIW I have no problems at all putting my thoughts into words and conveying them to other people. Nor do I have an issue understanding what people say when it's via e-mail or some other written medium. It's just that I can't absorb the spoken word. I try to get written summaries of meetings when I can so that I can go through it later, but it's not always possible. I wish I understood this part of myself better.

My main dx is bipolar, but I also have schizoid/avoidant tendencies and I have another dx of depersonalisation/derealization disorder. I wonder if it might be related to that somehow. I've also wondered whether I might be on the autism spectrum (and other people have thought that about me, too) but when my psychiatrist tested me for that the results were negative.

[leomama]

Could it be the medication you’re on?

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by leomama

Could it be the medication you’re on?

Thanks, but no, that's something I can definitely rule out. It's been like this ever since I was a child, long before I was on any meds, and it has been a constant factor throughout my life.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Thanks, but no, that's something I can definitely rule out. It's been like this ever since I was a child, long before I was on any meds, and it has been a constant factor throughout my life.

Got it. Learning disability?

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by leomama

Got it. Learning disability?

I don't think that's it, either. I've always been able to learn very well. I have a PhD and never had problems absorbing and processing information in written form. So I have no issues learning. The only thing is that the spoken word just doesn't seem to get through into my mind.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

I don't think that's it, either. I've always been able to learn very well. I have a PhD and never had problems absorbing and processing information in written form. So I have no issues learning. The only thing is that the spoken word just doesn't seem to get through into my mind.

Learning disability doesn’t mean you can’t learn.

[RoxanneToto]

I’ve found some things that sound possible:
Auditory processing disorder (APD)
- NHS
http://www.somersetdyslexia.co.uk/wp...aflet-2017.pdf

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I’ve found some things that sound possible:
Auditory processing disorder (APD)
- NHS
http://www.somersetdyslexia.co.uk/wp...aflet-2017.pdf

Thank you, those look interesting! I'll be sure to check them out!

[Victoria'smom]

I'm like that too it's like I can't focus enough to understand, like they're talking another language. It's particularly bad when my anxiety is high. lip reading really helps as well as recording and playing it through headphones and taking notes. It use to stress me very badly. My AP's help I have SzA though. I can respond like I understand but I don't. It's why I gave up on school so many times. I tend to get really quiet when it's bad.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm like that too it's like I can't focus enough to understand, like they're talking another language. It's particularly bad when my anxiety is high. lip reading really helps as well as recording and playing it through headphones and taking notes. It use to stress me very badly. My AP's help I have SzA though. I can respond like I understand but I don't. It's why I gave up on school so many times. I tend to get really quiet when it's bad.

Thank you, that sounds very much like my experience. For me it also feels like I can't focus enough to understand and like it's another language. Even if I really try to focus it's like my brain refuses to take it in. I feel the same way when I respond, like I'm faking it. Often it kind of feels like I'm in a dream and I hear my own voice responding on autopilot, but it doesn't really have meaning to me. I've always attributed that to my derealization but maybe there's more to it.

I'm diagnosed as bipolar and not SzA, but on personality tests I tend to have elevated scores on schizoid and (to a lesser extent) schizotypal, which I've heard some people consider as part of a "schizophrenia spectrum," if there is such a thing. I mainly have a significant number of the "negative symptoms" of schizophrenia, like flat affect, avoiding close relationships, being solitary most of the time, unable to really enjoy things, and so on. I tend to live more "in my head" than in the real world. I wonder if this could be related to that.

As to quitting school, I'm really happy that in university the lectures were optional so that I could skip them and learn in my own way. In high school classes were mandatory and it was a disaster. I can't function in any environment where I'm forced to spend large amounts of time in classrooms or interacting with other people.

[*Beth*]

Your OP reminds me of my husband. He's quite articulate, but when it comes to learning by listening he has tremendous difficulty. I'm absolutely sure he has ADHD, he's definitely a highly anxious person, and I have wondered if he has some autism going on.


Do you feel especially anxious when listening to others?

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Your OP reminds me of my husband. He's quite articulate, but when it comes to learning by listening he has tremendous difficulty. I'm absolutely sure he has ADHD, he's definitely a highly anxious person, and I have wondered if he has some autism going on.

Do you feel especially anxious when listening to others?

It does make me anxious, but that's more a side-effect of getting frustrated because I'm not taking anything in. It makes me feel like I'm failing. But yes, in general I do have pretty high anxiety.

I've had ADHD tested as well, but I scored almost zero on that, so I'm fairly sure I don't have that. I go back and forth wondering if I might have some sort of autism even if the tests say no, but after what Miguel'smom said I think it's plausible that it's related to that. I think schizoid symptoms can come across as autistic sometimes.