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#1
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My granny is in rehab following complications from knee replacement surgery last week. I live with her so I’m alone in a big house with just my cat. I hate it. I can’t handle the silence and loneliness. I don’t tell people how I feel but it’s ******. I worry about granny, school work and all my friends who are currently struggling. So I eat. I eat so I won’t lose it and hurt myself. It’s been over a year and not worth it, I know.
I’m just…not ok.
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schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
![]() *Beth*, Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow, Breaking Dawn, buddha1too, Merlin, mssweatypalms, MuddyBoots, Nammu, Victoria'smom, wildflowerchild25, ~Christina
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#2
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And the tears have started. I hate them. I can’t fight them anymore. Why bother. I’ve been feeling bugs crawling on me for a week at least. I just ignore it mostly. It makes me freak out.
Omg I’m not ok
__________________
schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
![]() Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow, Breaking Dawn, Merlin, mssweatypalms, MuddyBoots, Victoria'smom, ~Christina
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![]() Breaking Dawn
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#3
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I can feel your pain Hallie. Have you told your treatment team yet? I've noticed they tend to help you out pretty good once you reach out to them. As for the loneliness, is there anybody you can talk to while your granny is in rehab? Even if it's just reconnecting with an old friend or perhaps doing some sort of online meeting (SMART recovery has online meetings and might help you with the self harm thoughts, just an idea). Sending healing vibes
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__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for." "Why not?" "Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them." "What, are you crazy?" "It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet," |
![]() Anonymous41462, Breaking Dawn
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![]() *Beth*, Breaking Dawn, mssweatypalms
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#4
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I know bugs aren’t real and I can live with the sensations. I’m drugged you enough by my dr and can’t handle any more meds
__________________
schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
![]() *Beth*, Anonymous41462, Breaking Dawn, MuddyBoots
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![]() *Beth*, MuddyBoots
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#5
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How about explaining that to them? If your meds aren't working you could taper off and find something that works. I know it's a frustrating process, but you don't sound like you're doing all that well right now and sometimes (a lot of times) these things get worse when they're unchecked and I'm worried that's what might happen. Do you have a T to talk to? They might be helpful to talk to as well.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for." "Why not?" "Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them." "What, are you crazy?" "It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet," |
![]() Breaking Dawn
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![]() *Beth*, Breaking Dawn
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#6
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My heart is breaking. I relate to this on so many levels. It hurts tremendously. I keep wishing that this nightmare that I am living could disappear. I love so much, so many things, but something within my own brain seems to have separated from me & wants to get rid of me. So I feel alone within myself, even though I'm a loner by choice on the outside world, except for a few special friends.
__________________
"Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * ![]() |
![]() *Beth*
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#7
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I’m fine.
__________________
schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
![]() *Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, Breaking Dawn, MuddyBoots
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#8
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You have listened to me for days.. I am always here for you.
Love you ![]()
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
![]() Breaking Dawn
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#9
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I'm wondering if I might have DID?
__________________
"Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * ![]() |
#10
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So Sorry for what you and your Family are going through! Please Do not give up!
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![]() Breaking Dawn
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#11
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Finn's pictures today gave me a smile !
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
![]() HALLIEBETH87
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#12
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He makes me smile, too.
__________________
schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
![]() ~Christina
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![]() ~Christina
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#13
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Im sorry. Im feeling better. I have a hard time being alone.
__________________
schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
![]() *Beth*, MuddyBoots, Nammu, ~Christina
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![]() *Beth*, MuddyBoots, ~Christina
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