Restless and alone

HALLIEBETH87 · Jun 22, 2021, 02:00 AM

My granny is in rehab following complications from knee replacement surgery last week. I live with her so I’m alone in a big house with just my cat. I hate it. I can’t handle the silence and loneliness. I don’t tell people how I feel but it’s ******. I worry about granny, school work and all my friends who are currently struggling. So I eat. I eat so I won’t lose it and hurt myself. It’s been over a year and not worth it, I know.

I’m just…not ok.

HALLIEBETH87 · Jun 22, 2021, 02:04 AM

And the tears have started. I hate them. I can’t fight them anymore. Why bother. I’ve been feeling bugs crawling on me for a week at least. I just ignore it mostly. It makes me freak out.

Omg I’m not ok

MuddyBoots · Jun 22, 2021, 02:44 AM

I can feel your pain Hallie. Have you told your treatment team yet? I've noticed they tend to help you out pretty good once you reach out to them. As for the loneliness, is there anybody you can talk to while your granny is in rehab? Even if it's just reconnecting with an old friend or perhaps doing some sort of online meeting (SMART recovery has online meetings and might help you with the self harm thoughts, just an idea). Sending healing vibes

HALLIEBETH87 · Jun 22, 2021, 03:35 AM

I know bugs aren’t real and I can live with the sensations. I’m drugged you enough by my dr and can’t handle any more meds

MuddyBoots · Jun 22, 2021, 11:11 AM

How about explaining that to them? If your meds aren't working you could taper off and find something that works. I know it's a frustrating process, but you don't sound like you're doing all that well right now and sometimes (a lot of times) these things get worse when they're unchecked and I'm worried that's what might happen. Do you have a T to talk to? They might be helpful to talk to as well.

Breaking Dawn · Jun 22, 2021, 02:03 PM

My heart is breaking. I relate to this on so many levels. It hurts tremendously. I keep wishing that this nightmare that I am living could disappear. I love so much, so many things, but something within my own brain seems to have separated from me & wants to get rid of me. So I feel alone within myself, even though I'm a loner by choice on the outside world, except for a few special friends.

HALLIEBETH87 · Jun 23, 2021, 10:37 PM

I’m fine.

~Christina · Jun 24, 2021, 02:11 AM

You have listened to me for days.. I am always here for you.

Love you

Breaking Dawn · Jun 24, 2021, 03:40 AM

I'm wondering if I might have DID?

MickeyCheeky · Jun 24, 2021, 04:35 AM

So Sorry for what you and your Family are going through! Please Do not give up!

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about contacting your treatment team if you haven't already. Hope they will be able to Help. i also agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about reaching out to other people if you need support irl. i am here and Hopefully many others as well. Please remember that you're not alone. iHope tha tthings will go well for your grandmother. Hopefully everything will turn out to be Ok. Please keep us updated if you want to. Stay Safe. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @HALLIEBETH87, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!