Cool Insomnia Club #3

Was anxious, and uncomfortable from it, for hours last night. Finally relaxed and was able to get 3-4 hours of sleep before I had to get up for work.

So tired of the night time anxiety and insomnia.

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I fell asleep around 7. I woke up around 9 something I think to get a piece of roast beef. Then I fell back asleep until just before 2. I’ve been listening to music. I cleaned out my closet and dresser a bit. I ate some Goldfish crackers and drank a couple zero sugar sodas. I don’t feel tired or anxious. I’ll get up in an hour or so.

I hate the night time anxiety and insomnia...

I'm still awake.

I slept well. There was about half an hour around 1:40 when I was worried I wouldn’t get back to sleep. But I drank a Gatorade instead of a soda and I ate a little bag of Goldfish. I kinda just forced myself to get back to sleep. I placed an online order for Saturday afternoon for the good grocery store in the state my mom will be at. I got a lot of stuff I can’t find here where I am.

My vision has been super blurry since I woke up half an hour ago.

I’ve been up since 11:30. I fell asleep so fast I thought I slept until 5:30. But no. So I tried my music. I set up my Amazon echo yesterday. Actually all I needed was to plug it in. If it was that easy I would have done it when I moved. I thought I’d have to set it up all over again. But the music didn’t work. Now I’m just reading. I finished one book I had started last month. That was my 20th book since November of 2020. I’ve read more books this past year then in the last 5 years. But I’ll probably continue to read. I have a shelf full of books. Most I’ve read before but I have a few I haven’t read.

Now almost 5.5 hours later I want to sleep. I’m trying everything but I’m not having any luck. I did get through most of my second book though. But then I couldn’t concentrate and I thought I was getting tired. But that was about an hour ago. I’ll get up in in an hour. I just feel really anxious and sweaty. I want to go take a long shower and then double up on some Valium.

I sleep once in a while for an hour or two. Maybe more than that, that I don't remember? What I do remember is that I yearn so much for sleep!

This morning I woke up at 3:30. I did a few things. I tried reading. Then I took a shower at 6. I know it’s early but I want to get to sleep now.

UGH !

I bought my puppy this toy its a fish, it works by motion detection.. Imagine a fish flopping on a dock trying to get back in the water. My Puppy LOVES it which I am glad. But good grief I feel like that damn fish when I go to bed and flip and flop

I have Ambien. I asked my Pdoc for 30 over a year ago. I have taken maybe 8-10 since I got them. Sometimes they give me some actual sleep but more than one every blue moon they are useless, I might as well take a Tic Tac LOL ( gotta laugh because crying makes my head hurt.

I hope everyone is getting some kind of sleep

I took one of my usual zzquil gummies and then I took a 10mil melatonin. Not a lot at least in my opinion. I fell asleep with my Echo playing and I was having all these kooky dreams about transference T, current T, the lady from SVU, elementary school. I woke up half an hour ago. The music had turned off and I’m kind of hungry but I can wait for another few hours.

Edit: I ended up using a sensory item and falling back asleep from 3:45 until 5:20. Sweet. I’m not hungry anymore. I did have a couple sips of Pepsi blue when I was up. That stuff just doesn’t hit the way it did when I was a kid.

Nightmares last night

Ooo last night was horrible. I tossed and turned like Christina’s fish most of the night. I hurt my back swimming Monday night and can’t find a comfortable spot. Mum was up and down all night too. I saw her lights several times. I fell asleep at last, like 5-6 in the morning and got a couple of hard hours disturbing dream state sleep. A beautiful woman/girl was working at a mar a lago type place and security was hounding her for the murder of one of their very rich dudes. Turned out she had been assaulted by several of the rich dudes and lost a baby and her secret was that she was carrying a doll everywhere. I woke up before the end so I don’t know who did it and security was still hounding the girl. I work up so hot and drenched. It sure wasn’t a beneficial sleep!

I fell asleep around 6:30. I woke up at 10. I was starving so I had a 2 pack of White Castle sliders. Then I got back to sleep right before midnight. I woke up half an hour ago and I feel ok. Kinda groggy, but awake. My new calming melatonin worked but I still woke up.

Lets hope we are both back in the water tonight and can sleep !!!

Oh thats sounds like a terrible dream

I woke up at 3:40 this morning. My music is so repetitive I am tired of it. I have a TV hung up on my wall that I just fixed the other day. So I said why not and turned it on at about 4. I watched a couple TV shows before heading to the bathroom at 5:30.

I did get some fast acting time release melatonin today. My brother in law had some and that stuff was great. I couldn’t find it anywhere until yesterday. So I’ll try that tonight. The zzquil gummies with some herb in them that I got yesterday were weird. I fell asleep fast but I woke up at 11:30PM insanely hungry for hamburger sliders. I can’t remember the last time I ate frozen food.

I’m trying every non prescription sleeping med I can find. They work for a week or 2 but then they stop. My doctor thought I might have sleep apnea.

I seem to be averaging around 2 hours at a time, either night or day. No regularity.

Breaking Dawn I hope that you start getting more sleep. Life is hard.. Life with virtually no sleep is so much harder

Almost 3 Hours !

I think I might break down and take a Ambien tonight... I really need a sleep coma !

I got pissed at my mom last night and I went to bed without eating anything around 6. She was trying to get me to eat but I wouldn’t because we had agreed on dinner plans and then I changed my mind and then I wanted the dinner plans again when it was too late. Yeah. Completely 100% my fault. So I sent her a text telling her to just leave me alone for the rest of the night. Despite my new melatonin I kept waking up throughout the night for a few seconds at a time. I got up around 1:30 and I ate some cereal and I took another melatonin and I fell back asleep off and on until 6. I don’t know what time it was but at one point I tried listening to my music which I am so bored of and then I tried another podcast but I was too tired to focus and I fell back asleep.

So now I’m waiting for my mom to get up so I can apologize because I do feel pretty guilty about last night.

I'm sure your mom will understand. She obviously is in your corner. Best wishes!

I did apologize. She didn’t really seem bothered by the incident. I mean it wasn’t a huge incident. I wasn’t like yelling or anything like that. I was basically just acting entitled. But I’ve become pretty *****y since starting my transition so this isn’t new behavior. I am being told my surgery in October will help me become stable and not have these episodes. But October is a long ways away. I need to figure out something now to help me out until then.

You seem to understand yourself pretty good, so that's a plus. Keep trying to hang in there.

I had this dream last night where I got a cookie dough ice cream blast, a chili cheese dog, and an order of cheese fries from Sonic. I woke up 45 minutes ago wanting that exact order. I am starving right now.

I got up half an hour ago and I ate some cereal. So I don’t feel quite as hungry. At least not for Sonic.

I got anxious and depressed last night around 3. So I took all my meds and my melatonin. At 3:30. I thought I’d get super hungry or something but at 4 I could not keep my eyes open and I fell asleep until 10:30. I stayed up for an hour and I took another melatonin and then I fell back asleep until my usual time.

I slept from about 9 to midnight and then was awake the rest of the night. Finally got up around 4 am.