[mssweatypalms]

I have been feeling this for a few nights. I'm not thinking of suicide, but the thought of like I don't really want to continue living my life. Exhaustion? I'm not really sure. I'm just confused. It's getting worse. Today, I can work as usual and I'm just feeling flat, not really down, but this idea just doesn't go away. It bothers me that there's this voice inside my head telling me that I don't need to live anymore while I'm busy doing something.

Has anyone had the same experience before? How did you get over it?

[Fuzzybear]

I can relate. I have no helpful words (meds do not like me, I'm allergic to so many things it's ridiculous, and almost nobody seems to gets that. Apart from papa bear who witnesses it. I was even allergic to that ****.... Had it quite recently) I hope you find a solution

[mssweatypalms]

Thanks, Fuzzybear. I'm going to try and figure it out because I don't like where it might go.

I hope you are able to stay safe

life can really suck sometimes. sent to try us I think

[Aviza]

The only thing that gets me out of those moods is thinking about what I used to enjoy. Than creating ways to bring those things back into my life. If I enjoyed singing joining a church choir for example. I enjoyed swimming joining a community center with a pool. Stuff like that. Bring back you youthful self.

[Lizzie1813]

I sent you a private message about this. Hugs.

I've felt exactly this over the last 5 or 6 years. Maybe longer. In the last couple of months it's turned in the other direction, where suicide doesn't seem like a bad idea. I don't have any advice because I've not been successful at turning this around, though over the last couple of days things are much less dire to me, so maybe. What I can offer is that you should address it. I think letting it fester is probably just going to allow it to get worse.

I wish you the very best of luck. I know how you are feeling and it's not a fun way to live life.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry for what you're going through! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about Hoping that you will be Safe. i am not sure if i can relate but definitely try to find some distractions perhaps. i Hope you're currently seeing a therapist, if not that may be Helpful. If things get worse Please do not hesitate to go to an hospital. Be Strong. Please do update us if possible if you want to. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @mssweatypalms, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[*Beth*]

Yes, I have that feeling much of the time. I think I would call it "hopelessness." For me, I can't envision a future that doesn't include an immense amount of pain and loss. I struggle to remain on the optimistic side. Sometimes it is exhausting.

[RoxanneToto]

I think hopelessness is about the right word for it, and I can relate, too. Not sure I have any great advice, though I like the suggestion of joining some kind of mutual interest/activity group if that’s possible for you. It’s not a cure, but sometimes a distraction can be helpful, as long as it’s used as a distraction and not for avoidance.

I agree about distraction. I've found that the more I think about my problems, usually with a very negative bent, I stay stuck and they stick with me. The times where I've had a respite and felt a tiny bit better is when my mind was on other things. But not just other things for the sake of distraction, but things I'm genuinely interested in. I've also been using adult coloring books, because that engages my mind and body, which I think is a double win.

[Ursula Shackleton]

I don't know if anyone else here does this, but every time I'm either happy or stable, I'll write down all the things I'm doing. Music I'm listening to, movies I'm watching, foods I'm eating, places I'm going, etc. All the details. Then when I feel flat or depressed, I break out the list and will do every single thing on it that I possibly can. Usually it helps pull me out. If it doesn't help after about a week or two, in a milder depression, then I reach out to my husband first, to get some perspective, and then usually my doctor after that. But that depends on how bad it is, of course. Hope you feel more like you soon!

Originally Posted by Ursula Shackleton

I don't know if anyone else here does this, but every time I'm either happy or stable, I'll write down all the things I'm doing. Music I'm listening to, movies I'm watching, foods I'm eating, places I'm going, etc. All the details. Then when I feel flat or depressed, I break out the list and will do every single thing on it that I possibly can. Usually it helps pull me out. If it doesn't help after about a week or two, in a milder depression, then I reach out to my husband first, to get some perspective, and then usually my doctor after that. But that depends on how bad it is, of course. Hope you feel more like you soon!

I only seem to journal when I'm down, and only write about how bad things are. I'm going to try to shift my journaling to what good things are going on. Even on my worst days, something has gone well. I'll try focusing on those instead. Being able to reread that stuff would be helpful.

Thanks!

[mssweatypalms]

I had a rough night (in my time zone.) My blood pressure was super high and I had extreme pain in my chest. It lasted for an hour and I thought it wasn't going to stop. My medicine worked after an hour and I sent a message to our family group chat about what happened. I had a preview of what's going to happen if I ever needed to go to the hospital. My parents would try and see me. My sister would have to take a day off from work and leave her family.


Of course, as selfish as it may sound, just letting myself have a heart attack crossed my mind, but I wouldn't risk it seeing how much trouble it could have caused.

@mssweatypalms, I'm glad you have people in your life close by for support. I never get chest pain, but my heart will certainly pound a lot. Not sure if that's normal heart stuff, or if I'm just more in tune when it happens. Anxiety has given me all kinds of weird wiring.

I hope you're feeling a little better today.

[mssweatypalms]

Thanks, AgentQ9A. I think part of what happened last night was a side effect of the vaccine I got last Saturday. The site of the injection still hurts and I'm having headaches. I hope I'll feel better tomorrow.

[why98]

I totally relate. I used to ruminate about dying a lot and just lived with it, didn't call the doctor because I was trying to be strong. Then someone told me that ONE DAY of wanting to die is enough,. You need to call your pdoc at that point.

Are you feeling better today?

[mssweatypalms]

Thanks for asking, why98. I'm feeling better today. Things are pretty normal for me now. I can continue working as usual. I'm listening to my favorite podcast while doing my drawing tasks.


I really appreciate everyone's response. I'll try to do things that I might be able to enjoy. So far, listening to podcasts helps me.