[Rebecca1]

I feel so good right now! Does anyone else get episodes that are a mixed bag of lollies? Technically I don’t know if I have bipolar, I just know that mood stabilisers help me stop getting mentally distractible and over excited. I’m in a good episode right now. I can go from being in a healthy, normal state; to feeling euphoric and hypomanic and I kind of bounce between those states over weeks during episodes. Right now I it’s late at night and I feel euphoric. There’s this beautiful Enya song and I’ve listened to it on repeat for hours. I feel excited by music, colours and textures and feel a joyful oneness with everything and I’m enjoy this magical sense of being right now? I feel like I want to walk in the rain and listen to music and just be awake forever. I feel so texturally and sensually engaged. When they’re good (my hypomanic episodes) I tend to feel really excited and motivated and moved by things. I just feel alone because no one else is feeling all these euphoric feelings I am. I feel so spiritually free. For example, I listened to a song on repeat for hours and it’s 4am and I haven’t slept yet, I just feel so inspired. I just want to listen to songs and stay awake and walk all the time and I feel like I want to live forever and I feel a part of space.
It’s like a party that you don’t want to stop, and you feel kind of drunk. I have to admit I don’t get strong hypomanic episodes and I’m really lucky that way, I still feel tired for example, and I get mixed episodes too. But this episode feels so nice, I haven’t slept tonight but I think I’ll crash out later. I just feel so at one with the universe and euphoric and emotionally amazing. I just want to keep this party going forever
Does anyone else get moods like this where you’re euphoric and almost drunk on life and you don’t want to sleep even though you’re tired?

[Victoria'smom]

Yes that's how it starts for me. I would call your Dr. Monday if you don't sleep well. The problem for me is the longer I'm up the worse things get for me.

[MuddyBoots]

Yup, I get the euphoria part, though I feel more like I did lines of cocaine than drunk. I know you feel great and you don't want to, but try and get some rest in so this doesn't get worse. Talk to your doc too, like MM said.

[Moose72]

I get what you're saying. I get that way, too when I'm moving up toward mania. Once mania starts, I have to have all things tactile and sensual- in a strictly, feel-it-for-it's-own-sake way. I once took a massage toy while manic- a ball with three "feet"- and held it under my jaw to feel the vibrations in my tongue, and on my head, and and and....! I like to feel things with my fingers, too, especially things like the mortar between bricks in a building. Sex is over-the-top too. Last time I was manic, my pdoc prescribed lots of Seroquel to bring me "down". It worked. I finally slept like a baby. Four hours went by that seemed like 5 minutes! So yes I get what you're saying. You should contact your pdoc to get this under control soon, especially since you aren't sleeping.

[Rebecca1]

Hi, thanks for your lovely responses. I was up until 6am but then I crashed out and slept for a few hours. I’m actually so confused by if this is bipolar or not, I’m almost certain it is, I get all the symptoms, they just stop and start a lot during episodes and I still sleep I just go to bed at strange times because I feel so excited and want to stay up.

[Rebecca1]

Also I totally get the massage ball thing, I literally go around feeling walls in public because I like the texture and picking up objects of the ground and putting them in my bag. I also have this urge to go to the beach and swim in cold water during winter episodes because I focus on textures and sensations in the outside world

[Rebecca1]

I think I fit the diagnostic criteria for cyclothymia.

[Rebecca1]

I feel so hung over this morning, it’s like I got drunk last night without drinking any alcohol.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Do you have a psychiatrist? It sounds like you need one if you don't so you can sort out your symptoms and figure out if you have BP or cyclothymia or something else.

I hope you are feeling a bit better.

[Rebecca1]

Thanks so much xx I totally do, I’m going to see the psychiatrist this again this month

I wish I was manic, so I could feel euphoric again. When I'm manic I get massive euphoria. I'm addicted to it, but my manic episodes usually end in psychosis, then the police have to come get me and take me to the hospital

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by Rebecca1

I think I fit the diagnostic criteria for cyclothymia.

That would depend on the severity of your depressive episodes. In cyclothymia there are only mild depressions.

[Rebecca1]

Yeah ❤️ because depressive episodes involve on and off suicidal feelings for me and aren’t mild, but my hypomanias are moderate yet I’m able to mask them and I still need sleep; I’m really curious about cyclothymia and bipolar 2 and whether my patterns are common or not even bipolar; I still need the Moodsrabilisers though, since I started taking them my daily racing thoughts have been substantially reduced and have stopped

[Victoria'smom]

We found that what we thought was hypomania was actually mania. So please call your dr.

[Rebecca1]

I experience a lot of chaos in my head during episodes, and that’s the thing, it’s mostly happening in my head and affecting my productivity to the point where I can no longer be awake without talking to myself aloud and not being able to concentrate.

I get extremely self aware during episodes too because I know I’m acting weird.

Then *poof* the antidepressants kick in and the mood stabilisers kick in and my brain starts working again and I have a say in how I think and act, my disorder isn’t making that choice for me. I’m still anxiously quirky but it’s not manically Gollum.

It’s all very Gollum from lord of the rings and distressing .

@Rebecca1:

I get beautiful euphoric hypomanias too. I love myself and all of humanity, i love my fellow man and the Earth and my heart just brims over with love for all living things. I feel tremendous optimism and no one can bring me down, i just dismiss The Haters and don't let them bother me. Carpe diem, i say. I laugh a lot and sing in public and don't care what anyone thinks.

I usually get hypomanic in the Fall and the leaves are just starting to change color up here (Ontario) and i am starting to feel better. I may join you in Hypomania Land soon! I can't wait for it to start!

"Bipolar: It's not ALL bad!"

[Rebecca1]

That sounds so lovely, fall’s wonderful 💕