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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
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Oct 12, 2021 at 10:10 PM
#1
I just needed to tell someone, anyone. I feel so numb. Dead. Breathing but not alive. I’m doing grounding skills. Taking hot showers where I listen to water hitting back of my ears helps. It’s like I’m on autopilot. I do things but by end of day I don’t recall all of the day’s events. It’s confusing. Like driving home from school but I don’t recall all of the trip -except it’s all day. This is how my self-harm started. Have I ever told you that? It wasn’t an upset, crying teen with no other way to lash out. That did happen some, but it started by feeling numb. I’d feel so dead. Breathing but not alive. Then when I’d cut I could see red and feel warmth and come back. I haven’t self-harmed. I haven’t felt the need to because I’m trying to stay present. It’s getting hard to stay alert. To stay “here.” Is this normal?
I’ve journaled but needed to try to express it to someone who might get it. __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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 *Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, Soupe du jour, ~Christina
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
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Oct 12, 2021 at 11:23 PM
#2
I can totally relate but sadly my experiences are too painful for me to talk about. You are a brave person to share your story. I think people like you are so heroic. You write so well of things I have experienced but could never put into words. Wish I knew what to say that would be helpful. I really hope that things will get better for you!
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| *Beth*, HALLIEBETH87, Soupe du jour
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 HALLIEBETH87
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,897
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Oct 12, 2021 at 11:28 PM
#3
I get it. SH is a grounding technique for me. I often feel unreal. T says it's part of my SzA. That doesn't bring comfort though. Usually I have to have a serious med change when it happens. Do you have sour candy? Can you stay on here for distraction?
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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| HALLIEBETH87, Soupe du jour
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HALLIEBETH87
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
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Oct 12, 2021 at 11:48 PM
#4
I have been working on homework. I also ate a couple pieces of candy to kinda have a treat for getting through the day again.
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| *Beth*, ~Christina
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*Beth*
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
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Oct 13, 2021 at 12:11 AM
#5
Sour candy is suppose to ground you because of the intense flavor.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
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Oct 13, 2021 at 12:17 AM
#6
i just dont handle sour well. it breaks my mouth out. :/ so ihad a sweet chocolate
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| Victoria'smom
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
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Oct 13, 2021 at 05:02 PM
#7
I apparently emailed this same post to my psyd last night. -eye roll!!- he said make an appt with pdoc ASAP and use crisis resources and that his expectation is I will be willing to use crisis resources. I have virtual appt to see both psyd and pdoc tomorrow. -sigh- this sucks.
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| ~Christina
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,897
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Oct 13, 2021 at 05:17 PM
#8
I'm glad your able to get help.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
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Oct 13, 2021 at 05:54 PM
#9
But I’m not in crisis.
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
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Oct 13, 2021 at 07:34 PM
#10
They want to handle it before it becomes a crisis.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
19 2,739 hugs
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Oct 13, 2021 at 08:00 PM
#11
Do y’all experience this? It’s happened since I was a teenager and even earlier than that. Sometimes I wonder if intense stress caused it as it usually happens when I’m too stressed.-Ie during my years where I was abused. I wonder if it’s sza or borderline or what!???
Dammit I don’t remember sending that email to my psyd. What can they even do for me? I’m not psychotic or suicidal ect __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| ~Christina
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,897
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Oct 13, 2021 at 10:40 PM
#12
Quote:
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
19 2,739 hugs
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Oct 14, 2021 at 08:50 AM
#13
I see my psyd here in ten minutes and im nervous as all get out!
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| Victoria'smom, ~Christina
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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Oct 14, 2021 at 12:50 PM
#14
Quote:
I believe that your SH-ing happens when you too stressed. It's a way of coping with extreme anxiety. __________________ |
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| ~Christina
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
19 2,739 hugs
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Oct 14, 2021 at 02:06 PM
#15
My t was worried about me. He said my email was provocative and that he worried cause I don’t do that. I see my dr soon.
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| ~Christina
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
19 2,739 hugs
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Oct 14, 2021 at 02:06 PM
#16
Also-he thinks this stuff is bc of my
Ptsd __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| ~Christina
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
19 2,739 hugs
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Oct 14, 2021 at 04:07 PM
#17
Talked to pdoc. He said my risperdal and haldol should work on the hallucinations but decreased my lamictal to 300mg from the 400mg I’ve been on. He think it’ll help with me being exhausted all the time and lord I hope it does bc that’s be amazing!
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| ~Christina
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
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Oct 14, 2021 at 04:29 PM
#18
Things will get better
 Your being Proactive is huge ! Love ya 
__________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
19 2,739 hugs
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Oct 14, 2021 at 06:54 PM
#19
I can’t stop crying and idk why I’m even crying!!!!!!! :’(
I tried doing a zoom DBSA meeting but I can’t focus. Idk why the **** I’m even crying __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,193
19 2,739 hugs
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Oct 14, 2021 at 10:12 PM
#20
-sigh-
I don’t understand what is happening to me __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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| BeyondtheRainbow, Victoria'smom
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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