[Victoria'smom]

It's no secret I haven't been doing good. I spent over 1k trying desperately to distract myself from my depression. I was asked if I was suicidal today and said no but I'm wondering if that's what I'm distracting myself from. My head's loud, I can't think, I'm wearing headphones so I can even type. I think I might have a tinge of paranoia because I was pretty sure walking into that room I wasn't going to go home. But I was just asked if I was anxious which I said yes. He asked if I wanted to keep it the same, I said yes, so he asked 5 yes or no questions which all were no and I was done, got to go. Only real question that were directed towards my illnesses was the anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

I went with my hair not brushed for months, I've spent like crazy, I'm paranoid, hearing things and feeling bugs but when I'm nervous I smile, I know bad habit. Anyway I'm worried in 2 months or so. I'll skate through with only 15 min appointment with my pdoc. He's going to be stern about being so late picking up my meds/injection but I may just shut down. It's easier for me to skate by on the phone because I'm use to my chipper phone voice.

So my question is given all that should I go back to therapy. I'd have to be in person and I currently don't leave the house except for my injection. They've gone back in person and I'm still not comfortable with in person. I just don't know.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Please practice selfcare and do what you feel is for the good for YOU <3

I'm very onesided when it comes to therapy.

I have never had a good experience with a therapist, and most of the time it's done more harm than good (at least for me)

but, if you feel it will help you (and has helped you) then you should go back

[*Beth*]

I chose telehealth for you because, at least for now, I think it will (hopefully) provide gains for you without stressing you about leaving home.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Right now my only option for therapy is telehealth so I have grown accustomed to it. It’s not so bad bc you’re in your own home.

[Victoria'smom]

I'll call and see if they'll do tel-health but they were pushing for in person with my last therapist and she fought for me to have tel-health. Since I was a no show I'm guessing it was in person. I don't know if this one will fight for tel-health.

I'm also stressed because it's a new person and they wont get that this is "okay-ish". that my situation gets a lot worse. I don't want to end up in the hospital because they don't know me.