[MuddyBoots]

They're trying to get me to rest. To get in bed. To sleep. I just can't though no matter what I do last night I tried soome melatonin and listening to relax melaodies but I was still awake until my mom's alarm went off and maybe I napped after but I was up when she left so it was definitely less than an hour that I slept.

I'm afraid one's about to die. He was sniffing about my room and 1) he's not a drug sniffing dog and 2) Idon't have any drugs. Maybe he just smells strange men and women but he's been very aggressive towards the other cats lately. Maybe he's mirroring me or just agitated because of hte noise but I need music to work and clean and dance which is all i've been doing.

Possible trigger:

Bean (the little ****er in my avatar pic) is trying to get me to end my life. I mean I could follow his command but that's against Alcesism (my religion I'm working on).

Lulu just wants me to lay down. I try but I can't. I am on the GO and I have to dance. Tomorrow someone is coming over again and I don't want them to freak out.

There's a secret code in their nose prints on the glass too, probably to warn the neighbors of an impending riot.

[*Beth*]

Sapien, I am absolutely POSITIVE that your cats want only good health for you. I know and understand cats very well, and I know that they like us to get plenty of rest and sleep, if possible. They do NOT want us to die. I promise you that with all my heart, and with my experience.

Also, it is highly unlikely that your sniffer cat is about to die. Cats sniff things a lot.

I have been in a similar place to you with regard to my cats. When I am mentally okay and stable I realize that I had been in a delusional state of mind when I had strange thoughts about my cats.

I'm curious...what is Alcesism?

[*Beth*]

btw, I'm concerned about you being off meds for a month. Are you sure it's a good idea? Check in, let us know how you're doing.

[MuddyBoots]

@BethRags Alcesism is a religion I'm writing about about the sacred animal that is the Moose and His beauty. I think being off my meds for a month is a terrible idea I'm already hearing shyt that's not there and things have just been a mess but my NP is whacked. I do feel more grounded after my dad came by and we worked on a project together.

[*Beth*]

Keep checking in. I hope your night brings peace.

[bizi]

Write out what beliefs you have that you think are true but can't be true when you really look at them Do a bit of journaling. I would call for an appointment asap.
sorry you are going thru this.
bizi

[MuddyBoots]

if they can't be true then I wouldn't think they're true. My dad even told me they're watching me. I done been journaling too and writing poetry but this post didn't get a lot of likes.

There aren't any slippers left for me because my aunt moved to Florida and now pot holes and pot heads are eating me alive. Ice is nice alright? Though I wouldn't call a course "ice river" more like beaver daam!

Lord of the pRINGleS! Columbia doesn't have anything on the industry of cameras and you know that which is proof that Bean is a big fat liar. It all goes back to Leo and the fourth dimension.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm not sure how to help but I'm thinking of you. Keep checking in

[MuddyBoots]

I think this guy I'm screwing is following me, like on this website and when I go out/have doctors appointments,etc and whatnot because he didn't ask about something specific does this make sense? But maybe he just doesn't care, but maybe he already knows this information...

[Nammu]

Sounds like you are getting paranoid

[MuddyBoots]

Idk how I'm supposed to last a month off my meds when I can't even go a week

[*Beth*]

I firmly believe that you need to be on medication NOW. What can you do to get on meds?

[MuddyBoots]

I have some leftover haldol, thorazine, and zyprexa pills this is kinda better than being on any of those though.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

I have some leftover haldol, thorazine, and zyprexa pills this is kinda better than being on any of those though.

I know all too well that the meds are...no fun. My concern is that you are in a psychotic state. I just want you to be safe.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm safe

[bizi]

Yes you are in a psychotic state, non reality.
Call your pdoc and get back on meds. why are you off them?
Do you have a support team there? family, friends who can look after you?
bizi

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by bizi

Yes you are in a psychotic state, non reality.
Call your pdoc and get back on meds. why are you off them?
Do you have a support team there? family, friends who can look after you?
bizi

I don't really think I'm psychotic. My NP is making things too difficult for me. The haldol was making me suicidal so she cancelled the injection and diddn't replace it with anything. I was offered weed twice today that's thekind of supportive environment I'm in.

[MuddyBoots]

I see my T tomorrow what should I tell her?

[bizi]

I am sorry, I don't know you nor your past.
I see that you already have this diagnosis:Schizoaffective d/o, bipolar type.
So you have been having some sort of psychosis on a reoccurring level.
I still think that you need to be put on meds again.
sorry, if I have offended you.
I did not mean to do that.
bizi

[MuddyBoots]

Tiime is a fucckking ILLUSION.

you didn't offend me bizi. My dx is an conspiracy and it's stupid. just because I hear voices from other dimensions doesn't concquer and I NEEED TWO COWS

[MuddyBoots]

4th dimensional beings are attacking me...training! ALL FOR BEAN!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Sapien

I have some leftover haldol, thorazine, and zyprexa pills this is kinda better than being on any of those though.

I can somewhat relate. I have some left over seroquel. It makes me much ''sicker'' taking it though. I can also relate to having been ''off'' all meds for a week or more (including withdrawal symptoms from benzos) (not right now though)

I hope you find some meds you're able to tolerate soon.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Sapien

I see my T tomorrow what should I tell her?

I wish I could answer this. I suck at knowing what to say to any professional. Do you have any thoughts as to what you should tell your T?

[Crazy Hitch]

I think you should tell your T. I see mine tomorrow and there's things that I need to discuss with her but I'm hesitant she wouldn't understand because she's not bipolar she's never been manic she's never been depressed she's never been psychotic so what the heck does she know. But I still think I need to tell her some strange things.