Bipolar check-in #64

bizi · Apr 05, 2022 at 08:30 PM

I drank too much and got sick, hubby does not know.
bizi

*Beth* · Apr 05, 2022 at 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm so sorry bethrags.

I'm so tired, and closed down. T wants me to walk with one of my boys everyday. She wants me to reach out to my former friends. I didn't tell her I ruined their lives. That if I was honest they would hate me. I try to be agreeable but it's hard. She wants me to start coloring again. She says I have to do things to get out of this depression, that meds are number 1 but I have to change things up. I didn't tell her about the sh thoughts because I don't know how to breach the topic. I did tell her when things are bad we put the sharps and pills up. But I gave today a 6. I need to go over with her what her scale is because my scale is a bit 'dramatic'. She said I was flat today. This is me trying a lot.

You do sound flat, and depressed. And you do sound like you're trying really hard.

What do you mean...ruined your friends' lives? Are you sure that's not your depression telling you tales?

*Beth* · Apr 05, 2022 at 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

Sometimes I get a feeling of fullness in my neck and chest. It just happened actually which is why I'm writing about it. My breathing appears to be normal but with this cold my whole face feels stuffed up. I hope I don't get a sinus infection. I thought about getting a decongestant but I'm not sure it would play well with my other meds and besides which decongestants tend to dry everything out! Not to mention you have to go through the TSA procedures practically to get any decongestants these days. All I've done today besides check on my mom's place is sit at home and watch Golden Girls. I figure I'm sick- I can clean another day. (Only a week and 2 days until the inspection though! I keep saying I'm going to sweep and mop especially since I have drs appointments next week leading up to the inspection including a dentist appointment the day before- I hope I don't have cavities like last time. (There were 7 last time which I stupidly said to fill all at once!). I woke up this morning with a dried out mouth from mouth breathing all night with my CPAP on. They have a water reservoir for humidity but it didn't seem to be enough. If I set it any higher it will run completely out of water and that's worse. Anyway, I may take a shower before bed. I need one anyway plus at least temporarily it will clear out my sinuses.

Have you ever tried Ocean nasal spray?

*Beth* · Apr 05, 2022 at 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi

I drank too much and got sick, hubby does not know.
bizi

Oh no, bizi. Is anything in particular going on that caused you to feel like drinking that much? How are you now?

Victoria'smom · Apr 05, 2022 at 08:58 PM

Quote:

Are you sure that's not your depression telling you tales?

I 'know' my 16 year old self was in survival mode but that's not a reason to do the things I did. So yes I did ruin her life, it's not completely my fault but it feels that way. I feel weird talking to my friend because of it.

Moose72 · Apr 05, 2022 at 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Have you ever tried Ocean nasal spray?

No, what is that? I've been using Flonase since it's allergy season anyway. My shower really helped- though my nose is back to being stuffed up- cleared me out for at least half an hour in addition to being refreshing in general. I have comfy clothes on too.

BeyondtheRainbow · Apr 05, 2022 at 09:21 PM

Still waiting for my biopsy results. They said 3-5 business days so I should hear by Thursday. I really hope it is tomorrow. At the other (smaller) hospital it only took 24 hours for this biopsy.

I've probably signed into the patient portal 12 times today. I know it won't be there until it sends a message it is there but I'm making sure I get it ASAP.

This is certainly a lesson in patience.

~Christina · Apr 05, 2022 at 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Oh ouch

I hope your brother got in trouble for that! That sounds awful. Sending you purple healing vibes for Wednesday.

It was truly accident. He still feels bad about it lol

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~Christina · Apr 05, 2022 at 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I just had my (last!) appointment with my (former) pdoc, the harpy. I explained to her that I have increased the Gabapentin by 300mg. and that my anxiety is now under control. I am able to function, to live life. She flipped her cookies and said stuff about losing her license because I increased my medication without her permission. I told her that her medical license is not my responsibility, but that my responsibility is to take care of myself so that I have the best mental health possible.

We had a nasty argument (power struggle, basically). After 20 minutes I ended it by telling her that I will be making a formal complaint about her, and that we are done. I hung up.

I called the clinic and asked for a complaint form to be sent to me. I explained why I need the form. The receptionist I spoke with told me that a patient earlier today had called to make a complaint about the same pdoc. She said that "a lot of people are having problems with that doctor." The woman should not be in practice.

I made an appointment with a doctor at the clinic who apparently specializes in helping people get off meds such as Klonopin. I may or may not keep that appointment - I probably will, just to check out his approach. But the good news is that I have the Monday appointment with a different clinic where I'll meet the new med provider. I have enough Gabapentin (plus a refill) to make it to that appointment.

I'm literally shaking all over. Yet, I am proud of myself for standing my ground, and for following through with other options. I look forward to making the complaint about the b**** - and being DONE with her. I hate burning bridges, but I've learned that sometimes it has to be done.

Thanks for being there, my friends. Thank you for listening. I'm going to do some work, change my focus, and try my best to calm down.

~**~**~***LOVE and PEACE vibes to all*~~*~**~**

Outstanding !!! Pro active for your own mental health is fantastic! You did great !!!

She can suck it !!!

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~Christina · Apr 05, 2022 at 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi

I drank too much and got sick, hubby does not know.
bizi

I’m sorry hun

Hope your feeling better quickly

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~Christina · Apr 05, 2022 at 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I 'know' my 16 year old self was in survival mode but that's not a reason to do the things I did. So yes I did ruin her life, it's not completely my fault but it feels that way. I feel weird talking to my friend because of it.

How did you ruin someone’s life ? Did you cause physical harm that is life long and won’t allow to live a normal life ?

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~Christina · Apr 05, 2022 at 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Still waiting for my biopsy results. They said 3-5 business days so I should hear by Thursday. I really hope it is tomorrow. At the other (smaller) hospital it only took 24 hours for this biopsy.

I've probably signed into the patient portal 12 times today. I know it won't be there until it sends a message it is there but I'm making sure I get it ASAP.

This is certainly a lesson in patience.

So hope you get the results tomorrow ( Wednesday )

Prayers and Love

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~Christina · Apr 05, 2022 at 10:48 PM

Well by mid morning tomorrow this damn tooth should be fixed !! I called today to confirm and they said I can have as much nitrous oxide as I want ! Hopefully that will help a bit. Not sure it helped me last time I had it.

After that’s done we are going to this discount store a few miles away. I got my dogs “ bully sticks” it’s a dog treat chew that they love so much I want to get them some more. They smell absolutely hideous.

I am calling tomorrow to get a hair appointment. My hair is to my waist now. I want layers layers and layers so my curls and waves won’t be so weighted down. It will feel good to lose 4-5 inches.

Steve has really not been feeling well. Tonight in the grocery store he got really dizzy and he said he felt like he was going to pass out. He was coughing a lot the other day so I’m questioning if he’s getting a lung infection/pneumonia. He said he doesn’t think so. He has been totally exhausted since he got home. I think he’s just mentally exhausted from losing his sister and being away from home for over 6 weeks. I’ve got my fingers crossed he’s not getting sick.

Hope everyone is doing well

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*Beth* · Apr 05, 2022 at 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I 'know' my 16 year old self was in survival mode but that's not a reason to do the things I did. So yes I did ruin her life, it's not completely my fault but it feels that way. I feel weird talking to my friend because of it.

Well...if you ever want to go over it you know we're here

*Beth* · Apr 05, 2022 at 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Outstanding !!! Pro active for your own mental health is fantastic! You did great !!!

She can suck it !!!

~Thank youuuuuu ~

I hope the dentist goes totally smoothly!

Poor Steve. I agree - he has to be thoroughly wiped out. Hopefully he'll recover well.

A new hair style! Wheeeee!!! Your idea sounds beautiful, I hope you get to go soon!

Soupe du jour · Apr 06, 2022 at 03:52 AM

I'm feeling good about my husband's and my progress for our trip preparations. I typed up a detailed itinerary that is mostly complete. We already bought a few tickets to events in the city and have other ideas for things we'll do (museums, etc). Boy, are we going to be forking out a lot of money! I'm going to try not to think about that too much. At this point, all I can now do is wait until closer to the date when I'll do a lot of laundry, packing, and last minute housework. I've even created my personal packing list. I'll let Hubby create his own -- though he just wings it.

When we first arrived in Europe, we bought a used Honda because our newer car was still being shipped. Since we received our car from the US, the Honda has just collected dust. We now plan to sell it. One car seems sufficient in our new life. Plus, there is convenient public bus transportation almost right in front of our house. Hubby is even thinking about getting an e-bike, which is the latest thing here. What we recoup from the Honda would pay towards our trips.

Sunflower123 · Apr 06, 2022 at 05:43 AM

I had a tough therapy session yesterday about sister. I was very depressed and teary afterwards but I had a good friend contact me and I was in gales of laughter shortly after. I sat down with mom and brother to see how we could have a better functioning household. It was a very pleasant meeting without the drama of my sister. I mentioned to them that I was thinking of moving out to have her out of my life (she is toxic to me) and they both begged me not to. I’m still moving in that direction.

I am overwhelmed with everything right now and will be through Easter. I’ll take it one small thing at a time. I hate getting jammed up. I am making my daughter an Easter basket and I’m excited about that. I think I’ll make myself one as well. Easter will be an interesting day with the family getting together. I can be civil but I’ll not engage with her.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all!

Nammu · Apr 06, 2022 at 07:59 AM

Ohh when the alarm work me it was bad. There were two cult ranches one wore yellow cowboy shirts with white shell snaps. They were mostly silent. There was much to admire but the creep factor was very high. They killed dogs. And the dogs went willingly and silently to their deaths. Ohhh I’m very tired and so tempted to skip swimming and go back to bed to dream some other ending. I feel like I just got to sleep when the alarm went off.

Scooter9 · Apr 06, 2022 at 11:09 AM

I had to withdraw from rTMS treatment because I can't manage the daily appointments for 6 weeks while working.

Too bad that it's daily appointments for 6 weeks. If it was 2-3 times a week I might have been able to do it.

Moose72 · Apr 06, 2022 at 12:01 PM

I've been feeling short of breath today and had pain on my left side when I breathe. I used my Albuterol rescue inhaler. Now my lungs feel clear but I still have the cough with this cold. It doesn't feel like when I've had PEs in the past. Maybe it's just muscles that are sore.

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Bipolar check-in #64

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bizi Bizi is bizi Member Since Nov 2005 Location: cajun country Posts: 11,014 18 45.8k hugs given	Apr 05, 2022 at 08:30 PM #441 I drank too much and got sick, hubby does not know. bizi __________________ lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg