Bipolar check-in #65

New check-in thread.

Hi. Just getting onto the new thread.

Holy cow, we really went over! Thanks blue koi

I'm just really down on myself today. My mom showed me pix from the Disney trip and in every single one I look obese. (Technically, I AM obese!). Plus I resigned lease papers today. I have that HUGE packet of stuff to collect and don't know how I will be able to. I've done it for 6 years in a row now but every year I worry! Some stuff is hard to get! (Like a letter of non-filing for income tax.) I have one month to do this. (This is for section 8.) The whole ordeal just makes me nervous!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 I'm just really down on myself today. My mom showed me pix from the Disney trip and in every single one I look obese. (Technically, I AM obese!). Plus I resigned lease papers today. I have that HUGE packet of stuff to collect and don't know how I will be able to. I've done it for 6 years in a row now but every year I worry! Some stuff is hard to get! (Like a letter of non-filing for income tax.) I have one month to do this. (This is for section 8.) The whole ordeal just makes me nervous!

((((Moose))))


I pm'ed you.

I hear you. Yesterday I took my wife and kids out for Mother's Day Brunch. I felt great, until I saw the photos. I keep trying to fight the weight gain, but I go through a cycle of fatigued / lethargic all day, then 5pm hits and I gorge on alcohol and sugar (Ben & Jerry's Tonight Dough is my fave), can't sleep properly, then wake up the next day completely groggy. I'm only able to get through the day by taking 2 power naps in the morning and afternoon. I try to go running for 30 min 3x / week. But the problem is, with the post-run "runner's high," my endorphins are at an all time high and I feel invincible / free from consequences. Which leads me to indulge like it's going out of style.

Hang in there; many out there are going through the same struggles.

Thanks so much for this! I've resisted buying ice cream lately- especially the tonight dough! I love that stuff. I could - and have- eaten a whole container in one sitting! Last night I wanted ice cream but my daughter had just treated me to fancy ramen at a sit down place - mine was hot plus it was hot out- so I didn't think I should ask for anything else. But boy! Was I hot from leaning over that steaming bowl of ramen! I kept having to wipe my face with my cloth napkin! I can see how you could feel justified in pigging out after exercise- I often treat myself after exercise with going out to eat. Not good for the budget either! I try not to take naps but that's because I usually sleep in till 10 or 11! I should set an alarm for earlier but I just don't.

I go Friday to the eye dr because I am a glaucoma suspect. My right eye is iffy ugh and they wanna do further testing.

Might be a little impulsive but I made a tattoo appointment today for me and my friend to get matching tattoos June 1.

I’m overwhelmed

My therapy appointment went well. I have been thinking a lot about the situation and think that I am on my way to solve it. That means that I feel in control again. There will be some "psych" work to do, but I am optimistic with regard to being able to do it well.

I will take a break from the forum. (Just as you know and don't begin to speculate about what has happened to me).

Am sending a lot of hugs and good thoughts to all!

@Moose72

I feel you on the weight thing moose. Meds and hormones have made me gain 12 pounds and I can’t fit in my summer clothes I’m definitely pushing myself to go to the gym today. I’m just super hungry and then even if I’m not I can’t stop myself from bingeing at night. it’s disheartening to say the least.

I know we often discuss this on here but weight gain from meds sucks.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't feel that I binge. I feel like I eat normal meals. Then again, I had an almond croissant from Starbucks today and half a Danish. I know what- I'm just very inactive. Most days I just watch tv. Probably why I couldn't stand to walk around Disney World. It's not that I was out of breath; it's that my feet hurt really bad. Yesterday, I had Mac n cheese yesterday for lunch. Terrible. It sounds like I eat normally but I guess I don't. I gotta start getting up earlier to walk. I used to start walking when the sun came up but that seems like such a chore. I'd rather sleep. *Sigh*

My nephew is in a psychiatric hospital again, though luckily a better one in my view. Last night I sent my sister the toughest love type email ever. It didn't anger her, luckily. She acknowledged its truth and even shared a few things I didn't know about my nephew. Based on urging, she's expressed concern to doctors about his near certain autism spectrum disorder. She sent me the looong questionnaire she received to add feedback on. I wish I could add more than I'll be able, but I have not spent nearly enough time with him as I'd have liked (should have). I spent more with my late nephew.

I also emphasized to Sis that nephew MUST finally better process the death of his brother. He never has.

This afternoon we'll meet my husband's good friend in the city for lunch. He has an office there. Then we see a piano concert at Carnegie Hall (Emmanuel Ax). Tomorrow's plan is up in the air. A possibility might be that that friend lends us his car so we can return to Central Jersey to say hi to my dad again and perhaps visit my nephew at the psych hospital. I won't tell them this unless it pans out, though. I remember visiting my younger nephew there twice, years ago. I spent one of 10 of mine there, too. Tomorrow night we fly back to Europe. We'll check out of the hotel in the early morning.

Soupe,

My sister brought the cat (Maybelle) she's giving me today to the vet for a checkup this morning before she drops her off for me, the vet said she's in really good shape. She is 13 years old, weighs 9.4lbs. Could stand to gain a tiny bit of weight but other than that she's good. She'll be bringing her over to me within the hour

Thanks for being happy to adopt an older pet. She will be lucky to have you, too.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird My sister brought the cat (Maybelle) she's giving me today to the vet for a checkup this morning before she drops her off for me, the vet said she's in really good shape. She is 13 years old, weighs 9.4lbs. Could stand to gain a tiny bit of weight but other than that she's good. She'll be bringing her over to me within the hour

I love senior cats. They're amusing and eccentric. Happy times for Maybelle!

I made it home ok. I got my shoes returned. I ended up needing a full size smaller. They are slip on though and I am only used to ones that are tied. My mom was talking to me last night and she said her lawyer was talking to her about a non for profit organazation that helps people with autism and other disabilties with like vocational training and housing and transportation. 3 years ago I would have been totally agaisnt a program like that. But honestly I am just not as capable mental health wise as I was 3 years ago and a program like that could really help me. My mom is 70 and I really want to become independent. I'd like it if they could find me a non retail job where I'd get holidays off since Thanksgivngs are now a big travel deal for me. I know office companies hire autistic people for various postions. At least according to 60 minutes. My mom thinks this place may really help.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I made it home ok. I got my shoes returned. I ended up needing a full size smaller. They are slip on though and I am only used to ones that are tied. My mom was talking to me last night and she said her lawyer was talking to her about a non for profit organazation that helps people with autism and other disabilties with like vocational training and housing and transportation. 3 years ago I would have been totally agaisnt a program like that. But honestly I am just not as capable mental health wise as I was 3 years ago and a program like that could really help me. My mom is 70 and I really want to become independent. I'd like it if they could find me a non retail job where I'd get holidays off since Thanksgivngs are now a big travel deal for me. I know office companies hire autistic people for various postions. At least according to 60 minutes. My mom thinks this place may really help.

That sounds terrific, Md! Check into it, for sure.

Right now I’m at a crossroads: earlier this year I embarked on a very creative endeavor: a podcast, where I interview people about mental health. People who are suffering from the disorder, who have found strategies for managing it, etc.

I feel gripped by the KT Tunstall song “Suddenly I see” – this is what I wanna be. I really enjoy the whole process: the creative element, the technology, the storytelling, the connection. I feel a lot like I did in the late 1990’s, when I taught myself how to build Websites. This is before Facebook / Instagram, when you had to know HTML, JavaScript, CSS, etc. to post something online. Even if you used one of those primitive scary site builders like GeoCities.

The problem is I’m second guessing and doubting myself. Every night I toss and turn. It’s a pet project right now that’s not generating any $$$. “Why are you wasting your time?” “Who cares about what you or any of your guests have to say?” “Wow, must be nice to be the 956,301st podcast about mental health and wellness.”

When I’m preparing for the interviews, speaking with the guests, and editing the recordings I feel so alive. Then I check my email and there’s a million things from my “day job” that have piled up. For the first time in about 17 years I’m doing something I truly enjoy. The last time I started this type of journey – about 25 years ago, it ushered in one of the most productive, rewarding chapters of my life.

I could use any positive affirmations today from this amazing community, to help remind me that I’m using my time wisely. Even though it’s just a hobby right now, I think when passion, purpose, and project (management) are aligned, sky’s the limit.

Thanks all!

Quote:

Originally Posted by dsmith Right now I’m at a crossroads: earlier this year I embarked on a very creative endeavor: a podcast, where I interview people about mental health. People who are suffering from the disorder, who have found strategies for managing it, etc. I feel gripped by the KT Tunstall song “Suddenly I see” – this is what I wanna be. I really enjoy the whole process: the creative element, the technology, the storytelling, the connection. I feel a lot like I did in the late 1990’s, when I taught myself how to build Websites. This is before Facebook / Instagram, when you had to know HTML, JavaScript, CSS, etc. to post something online. Even if you used one of those primitive scary site builders like GeoCities. The problem is I’m second guessing and doubting myself. Every night I toss and turn. It’s a pet project right now that’s not generating any $$$. “Why are you wasting your time?” “Who cares about what you or any of your guests have to say?” “Wow, must be nice to be the 956,301st podcast about mental health and wellness.” When I’m preparing for the interviews, speaking with the guests, and editing the recordings I feel so alive. Then I check my email and there’s a million things from my “day job” that have piled up. For the first time in about 17 years I’m doing something I truly enjoy. The last time I started this type of journey – about 25 years ago, it ushered in one of the most productive, rewarding chapters of my life. I could use any positive affirmations today from this amazing community, to help remind me that I’m using my time wisely. Even though it’s just a hobby right now, I think when passion, purpose, and project (management) are aligned, sky’s the limit. Thanks all!

I LOVE that you are into doing the podcast! Please keep at it. Never mind what anyone else does - yours will be the only one of its kind.