[*Beth*]

Stowe looks like such a cute village (I just looked it up). There's a covered bridge! We must have been in Vermont when I was a little girl, because I remember my parents saying they'd drive there and we'd go through a covered bridge. I remember seeing it as we approached and feeling really excited.

[MuddyBoots]

I've never actually been to Stowe (when I'm up that way I either go to Smuggs or Bolton Valley), but yeah, covered bridges are so New England.

I just went for a walk in -5dF weather, windchill of -24. So well prepared (two pairs of pants and a long sleeve and a hoodie and a hat and gloves) only my neck was cold. Of course my eyelashes froze though :P

[MuddyBoots]

The mania was bad this morning. ACT is checking up on me daily in the afternoons. I had enough sense to take a PRN Haldol and that helped a lot but it's wearing off now. It's true what they say, "There ain't no rest for the wicked [awesome]." The only R's in Boston are in "idea" and "soda." I'm hearing thirteen again. She's just saying "come on Sam. You know what you have to do." There's a lot of things I have to do, but I don't know what she's referring to. Maybe stop the doxepin? One of the people on ACT said I have to be careful about how much melatonin I take so maybe I should only take one tonight and see how that goes. I took four last night and slept five broken hours, even though I wasn't all that hot because I used this blanket I stole from the hospital. I'm sure they don't miss it. I have like five bottles of lotion from the hospital. This guy I'm talking with used lemon essential oils to clean my acoustic with. Didn't know you could do that. Thought you needed wood polish. I forget where I put the hex heads. My new bike sucks. Bulimia made me better at deepthroating.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

....Bulimia made me better at deepthroating.

I'm sorry, but I had to laugh when I read that

[MuddyBoots]

Okay so I'm pissed. My therapist said either she or my pdoc willl give me a call around 1:30 and it's 2:30 now and nothing. I'm supposed to get an emergency appointment tomorrow and I don't know what time it is I'm supposed to take the cats to the vet.

Past 3 and still nothing. Way to not give a flying fk about your patientst.

Now I'm worried they're going to IEA me again

EDIT: Finally got the xcall back. She "lost track of time" and still no word froom doc so she just called to say she'll call back when she hears froj hte doc

[*Beth*]

Ooooh, that's aggravating! "Lost track of time"

[MuddyBoots]

Yeah, and now I have an emergency appointment with pdoc tomoorrow but I don't know what time it's at and it's 1hr 20 minutes past the time the agency closes to patients (idk how long they're their they stay afterwards and nake calls).

It's stressing me out and I decided to go for a walk and I just wanna get druuuuuunk.

Had my hand on my pepper spray the whole way and flicked off the safety several times even though I only saw one person who is usually nice t me but it's always the nice guys. That's why I strictly fcck addicts.

Ughhh just got another call saying gthey're still trrying to figure **** out and I'll get a call in the AM

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry boots

[MuddyBoots]

It's been over an hour since they opened and d still no word on when my appointment TODAY is.1

[Nammu]

How aggravating!

[MuddyBoots]

well I finally got my answer, appointment with pdoc tomorrow. MMy brain is just too fuking chaotic right now. I feell like I havae thhree songs just going back adn forth back and forth and my own thoughts and the voices/visuals. I did not sleep at all last night. I haven't eaten since 11:30p yesterday. And fking D called to tell me about my appt. D and I don't get along so I try to make the phoen clls short. She thinks everything that works for her works for everybody, but guess what it doesn't!!!! STARING AT A PICTURE DOESN'T MAKE ME LESS DELUSIONAL!!!! And 8 months for a med to work? Are you kidding me? Longest ****ing manic episode and she insists I give the med more time.
And it's face to face so I have to get ride because last time I drove on this little sleep I got into an accident and was carless for 4 months.

[Nammu]

[ronkuby]

Hey Boots,

I am new here and don't know your story very well but it seems like you are having a pretty hard time right now. Try to keep your head up and remember that this is temporary - there is always tomorrow and your feelings can, and often do, change! Even at our bleakest. You are valued and loved and you have the strength to conquer this.

[MuddyBoots]

Finally had my appointment. Starting Seroquel tonight for sleep. She wants me to take 50mg at bedtime and another 50mg when I evidently wake up from weird *** dreams. I have to go back for a stupid drug test tomorrow (couldn't pee today)). I hope that little bit of weed I had that may or maynot have had something laced in it is out of my system or I could get IEAd again.

She's changing what time I take my haldol too. She wants me to take it afternoon instead of night. No mention of vraylar or rexulti today, but she did say she wants me off the haldol.

[*Beth*]

Hey Boots, I do believe the Seroquel will knock you out so you can sleep. That's the one really good thing I can say about Seroquel.

[MuddyBoots]

Thing is Seroquel gives me some pretty fking crazy, vivid dreams so although it does put me to sleep I always wake up 2-3 hours after taking it which is why she wants me to take it twice a night. I did that last night and ended up with 6 hours of sleep which is more than double my average for the past week or so so I guess that's good.

[ronkuby]

that's wonderful. sometimes it is all about baby steps.

[Name usage]

Good luck Boots. If it helps any I am a little older and married. I am coming off Abilify, the bipolar medication. I have found that I have lost interest in almost everything. Sure I had some fun skiing the other day but I feel like I am just numb to the world anymore. They say this medication can do that.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have been through alot in life myself and I know you will be just fine. Good luck and best wishes.

[*Beth*]

Hey, Boots! Worried 'boutcha. How are things?

[MuddyBoots]

I'm still alive.

[Fuzzybear]

[*Beth*]

[MuddyBoots]

CLeaned up Hell yesterday a little bit I still have a long way to go but taking out 23 people/animals is a start.

The Seroquel isn't helping me sleep anymore. I want to take more, but I'll run out before m next appointment. I even tried 5mg of melatonin, then another 5, then another 5 and now I just give up. I think I'll go for a walk.

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

Ended up taking all the Seroquel I had left. I'm prescribed 50mg and I think there were 15 pills left. I also took an extra couple valium.

My case manager is supposed to come over today and idk if I should tell her. I passed my drug test though so no IEA for that. I've been skipping haldol doses too becuse it numbs me out too much.

[Nammu]

Do tell her. They can’t help otherwise. This means the meds you’re on aren’t working.