[buddha1too]

Hey, @MuddyBoots. Sounds like you're getting down on yourself again. Give yourself a break. I don't spend much time around these parts lately, but I did notice you're making an attempt to stay clean. That's a huge step!

Sorry you're going through such a rough patch, @Tucson. I hope you're not in too much pain.

[Tucson]

Thank you. All the pain came a couple months ago. Right now it only starts hurting if I overdo it. One witness, saw the car hit me, I flipped in the air and came down on the ground with my back down on the pavement.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

But I am. I don't particularly care to explain why here, but trust me, I am.

Well, I kinda get it. And I am still sending you love.

[*Beth*]

Concerned. How are you @MuddyBoots ?

[MuddyBoots]

Things are still hard, but I'm surviving. We lost power for a bit from the last storm, but it wasn't bad because it was in the low 40's yesterday. There's still 27 people on NHEC out of power. I had a pdoc appointment yesterday and she's decreasing my Haldol, increasing my doxepin, and she wants me to do some research and decide between Rexulti and Vraylar for a replacement because of the tremors I've been having. I'm leaning towards Vraylar because I know last I was on it, I didn't gain weight.

[*Beth*]

I'm glad you've checked in. That your pdoc respects you doing your own research on meds is commendable. Most of the prescribers I've had get defensive when I do my own research.

[MuddyBoots]

I've decided to go with the Vraylar.



We finally have some snow on the ground.

[*Beth*]

Gorgeous photograph, Boots. It reminds me of a time before there were people.

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

I just self-harmed fairly extensively. Wanted to commit sui in the process, but figured I'd wait until after I (literally) f--ck this guy that really hurt me one last time (Wednesday). I'm still tempted to go out and get a bottle of vodka (I'm still on valium).

[*Beth*]

I'm sending you love, Boots. I really am.

[Victoria'smom]

Boots, gentle hugs. Do you have anyone you can call for support?

[Nammu]

Sending you purple healing/soothing vibes. Hugs if you want them.

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

So I'm supposed to get together with this guy tomorrow and I have fresh cuts all over my arms and thighs. Can't hide it as I know we're going to have sex. I don't know how he'll react. I think he might get angry at me.

What to do what to do what to do?

[Victoria'smom]

I would not get together as it sounds more stressful than it's worth.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I would not get together as it sounds more stressful than it's worth.

I really don't want to cancel just because I have some cuts. I've blown him off two weeks in a row already.

[*Beth*]

Well, what do you mean by he'll "get angry" with you?

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Well, what do you mean by he'll "get angry" with you?

He'll just be pissed. He might get even more forceful.

[*Beth*]

Well, it sounds like you're setting yourself up to be abused. I don't believe in telling adult people to do or not do something, but I will say that the idea of you being hurt makes me extremely sad.

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

I got/am high. I feel like I just did meth, but I only smoked weed. Good s**t.

[MuddyBoots]

I swear to god this was laced with meth

[MuddyBoots]

My case worker is very concerned about me for some reason. Says I'm obviously on an upswing. I'm worried she's going to tell my pdoc I got high (I had a bit of word fvomit) and I'll have to go back to the state hospital. Fckc I can't even type I'm so anxious.. Like I'm on a laptop and my legs are shaking violently. She says I'm setting myself up to be abused just like Beth said. I need a break from hurting myself, let someone else do it for a bit! It might not even go down that road again, the dude seems a lot cooler than he used to be. I need to go skiing again, I just got a bunch of work done on my car. and now I''m broke but I think I can afford a $45 lift ticket and some gas.
Also there's like a million "covers" of Apple Bottom Jeans (it's a meme) and it's fccking hilarious. My favorite is "

welp, we just hit the record windchill ever on Mt. Washington in scenic, windiest recorded place on Earth, New Hampshire

[*Beth*]

I think skiing is a great idea, Boots, although I don't know about that extreme weather landing on you. Using physical energy can be a dynamic way to channel high mental energy, as I'm sure you already know.

[MuddyBoots]

Yeah, I'm thinking sometime midweek this week when ticket prices are down and the temps go up. We might even get a little bit of the white stuff Tuesday/Wednesday.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Yeah, I'm thinking sometime midweek this week when ticket prices are down and the temps go up. We might even get a little bit of the white stuff Tuesday/Wednesday.

The prices of lift tickets, wow. One of the ski resorts here (well, in the mountains, not right here ), a lift ticket is $104. For kids it's $84. I used to go to the snow once/year when the kids were young so they could experience it. The beauty is incredible. But after my horrible experience sliding down the mountainside on my bare back, then riding back home in sopping Levi's, I tend to head west, not east

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by *Beth*

The prices of lift tickets, wow. One of the ski resorts here (well, in the mountains, not right here ), a lift ticket is $104. For kids it's $84. I used to go to the snow once/year when the kids were young so they could experience it. The beauty is incredible. But after my horrible experience sliding down the mountainside on my bare back, then riding back home in sopping Levi's, I tend to head west, not east

Yeah, a one day ticket at Stowe (fancy place in VT) is $189. The place I usually go to has deals midweek for NH residents for $45 which is still a lot, but it's half the price of a regular ticket!