A secret

I'm hollow. Can't tell h because he already thinks I'm going to sh. I've reach the point where that's too optimistic for me. I'm not longer talking. But still randomly crying. He wants me to go back to the urgent psych clinic tomorrow but I have nothing to say. I just want to stay in bed, pretend to sleep and stare at the window sill. But with me being hollow it's only a matter of time before I don't believe I'm real. I'm breathing so I'm holding on to that. I want to lay in bed until my appointment with my PCP Tuesday because I can't avoid that appointment. H says I can start feeling better before then but I don't believe him. I'm having trouble even caring. He's distraught and doesn't want me leaving the bed tonight. I may go just for him. I don't want to alarm them with my lack of words.

At urgent clinic

All that was done was a note was sent to my Dr and I'm to call back later today. This is so defeating. Monday they're closed. I hope h isn't right about how badly I'm doing. It's only a matter of time before I start doing risky **** to prove to myself I'm alive. Like trying to break a bone. They don't realize who they're playing with. I'm sweet and don't want to cause issues but I really do have issues .

Are you able to call back later today

I'm calling around 2 Dr is only there 1-3.

HUGS Miguel'smom I hope you start feeling better soon

If dr Is only there1-3 I’d suggest calling asap

Called she's seeing me at 2:40

How'd it go, Mm?

How idd it go?

I'm on risperidone until we figure out what in going on with insurance.

She wants me back on latuda and on TRINTELLIX but I'm not allowed to do that until I'm stable and insurance is fixed. So we don't have to worry about withdrawal. H is still worried about me. She wants me in the hospital if I go manic. She's going with lots of meds for the week and will see me next Friday.

risperidal is good med I hope it helps you out quickly and insurance issues are fixed asap

That's good to know, Mm. I hope things ease up for you now.

I’m glad you got some meds. Hang in there until you see her again

Thank you guys. I'm really tired today. She wants an ECG and blood work because she's thinking we'll have to go back through trying all the psych meds again.

My insurance is really messed up. When we got here I tried to put it through couldn't, my husband tried couldn't, the hospital did but it looks like my attempt may have gone through too but I never received anything. So I'm covered under my own through a different company then what I'm soupose to be. So I'm not sure anyone have gotten paid for me. It's all weirdness we have to figure out Tuesday.

Ugh, insurance sh-it

So rasperadone makes me feel sick but I'm only on it for a week hopefully. I'm still not feeling real and hollow. My dog refuses to leave my side even though I'm not leaving the bed. But I haven't cried today. I want to sh but I know I can't. I have a PCP appointment Tuesday and I'm worried I won't make a good impression. Definitely won't if I have fresh wounds so really trying not to. Then I have 3-hr dentist appointment Wednesday. I don't think I can handle that. I have to cancel it but h will want to go to his appointment. So I don't know. I also pick out new glasses Tuesday. I have to double my rasperadone to 4 mg tonight. I'm scared.

maybe this new dose will help you.
there is always hope.
(((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

Meds were not approved. I have to retry all the meds I've tried before anything is approved. So **** this.

Well I got back some results can't stay on current meds. Because of my heart damage. THANKS Ed, and psych meds. PCP messaged pdoc and someone will be in touch with me. I took it tonight anyway because I have the dentist appointment tomorrow. She wants to know where I'm bleeding from too. So bodily function tests come next.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom Well I got back some results can't stay on current meds. Because of my heart damage. THANKS Ed, and psych meds. PCP messaged pdoc and someone will be in touch with me. I took it tonight anyway because I have the dentist appointment tomorrow. She wants to know where I'm bleeding from too. So bodily function tests come next.

You have heart damage, Mm?? That's terrible. What kind of test do you have to do?

@*Beth* yes I do. My qt is abnormal. I got my latuda approved. My pdoc called and yelled at the insurance I guess. There's no way to know if the psych meds caused the heart issues or the eating disorder, or if I had this since birth as I've never had this checked.

My blood work looks like I'm loosing blood so they have to figure that out too. It could be heavy periods or something else so they have to take more tests.

I went to my dentist they want to remove all my teeth and give me implants. They are going to try to save whatever they can but they could refer me out but insurance wouldn't cover the 15k+ it'll cost to fix my teeth. So it is what it is.

Well, the good news is the approval of your Latuda. Not good about the qt. Wow. Wouldn't be at all surprised if meds caused that, since AP's can. Dental stuff. Oh, God. I had no dental care until I was fifteen and my situation is not good, no money, the usual. It's appalling that dentists can charge people so much money. Shameful.

Hugs. I hope you feel better soon and everything works out!