The Pattern of a Bipolar Life

The highs and lows of bipolar disorder are an almost universal experience among those of us who live with it. Beyond that standard symptomology, the disease is extremely and notoriously unpredictable. It is experienced over a lifetime, differently from person to person.For me, the onset was a severe depression at age 19, followed by a hypomanic period. I went undiagnosed however, for over 25 years. My episodes were comparatively minor until I was in my late thirties. The hypomanic episodes became became noticeable and dangerous. I was urged to see a psychiatrist but refused. It culminated in a full blown manic episode which wrecked my finances. I was diagnosed bipolar 1 (formerly manic-depression), the same diagnosis my mother was given in her thirties. Things did not improve. Two years later, after three mixed manic episodes with psychosis, and two lengthy psychiatric hospital stays, I began responding to medicine. I’ve not had any severe manic episodes, though I’m occasionally affected by depressions. This pattern was very similar to that experienced by the actress, Margot Kidder. I consider her to be a kind of soulmate. But that is how she and I lived with bipolar disorder. Think of your pattern. Share if you like. This thread is posted in memory of Margot.

Welcome, Valcingetorix5150, and thank you for sharing a bit of your story!

I'm pretty sure my bipolar disorder started showing itself at at least 14 years old. Maybe earlier, but then again I was even pretty intense at times even as a smaller kid. I even remember brief periods of minor depression as a kid.

The first time I received any recognition of mental health issues was at 15 years old. I was prescribed Buspar (buspirone) by a family doctor. At university was when it worsened enough that I was referred to a psychiatrist. The university psychiatrist prescribed Prozac, which was kinda in style at the time. For my ages 20 through 31, I would seek help mostly when depressed or in a mixed state. Docs would give me an antidepressant. I would very rapidly "switch" to some level of manic and quit the antidepressant. I was also hypomanic or even full blown manic throughout that time. Seemed even more so on the manic end than depressed. I experienced ramifications from those episodes, for sure.

I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 31 years old. The pdoc wanted to put me on a moodstabilizer, but I refused, as I was hypomanic at the time. A year later all hell broke loose. My mother had died prematurely and my hypomanic/manic behavior at work caught up with me. I was almost fired. Six people went to Human Resources to complain about me. On that day, I resigned in retaliation, then drove home on the verge of deliberately driving into a tree. My husband got me an emergency pdoc appointment and I was hospitalized for the first time. Over a 3 1/2 year period I was mostly manic sometimes with psychosis, but depressed at times, also once with depressive psychosis. I had 10 psych hospitalizations and 12 Intensive Outpatient stints. Then I went on disability. I've been on disability since. At times during that I had a few manias, plenty of hypomanias, and the longest probably worst depressions of my life. During one mania several (6 ?) policeman came to my house because I called 911 screaming. They thought there might have been a murder. Other traumatic events from my manias also happened. Plus I drank heavily, at times. I had bouts of other mental health issues that were born from my bipolar traumas. Long list, but they eased then disappeared. But my bipolar is still there, probably "waiting" for a new trigger.

I have been doing comparatively good for the last four years. I attribute that to my very low stress situation and routine. Plus I've taken my medications (finally a good mix) religiously.

@Valcingetorix5150, I am noticing 5150 in your name. In California 5150 is a suicidal hold, but you are in Georgia and do not describe suicidaility in your past. Does 5150 mean something completely different for you?

You are correct about 5150 coming from California. I n wha only lived in California for 15 months on a temporary job. It was earlier in my life and I had not yet been diagnosed. But I knew what 5150 meant, and because I have been involuntarily committed on a couple of occasions, I used it in my nickname. I also have a tattoo showing a manic jokers face, and also shows a pill bottle with all of the pills being thrown away, and the number 5150 is beneath all of it. I like using it because most people don’t know what it means!

Hey, thanks for your lengthy response. I am always so interested in comparing my experience to that of others. Sounds like yours was more severe than mine. One of the things that you said stroke a cord with me: I lost a job thanks to bipolar disorder. And as for those psychotic breaks. No one understands those unless you’ve gone through it! But I am so glad you were doing better now.