Paying for My Sins

I had a customer return to me continuing to raise cane about a missing (at that point useless) SIM card and how incompetent I was doing my job, but somehow still wanting me to fix it while he passive-aggressively insults me all the way.

Basic summary: Everything I had direct control over was done and everything else he was complaining about dealt with his personal accounts, something I do not touch. It was an odd situation (one I couldn't resolve) and it sucked for him, but it's absolutely not my responsibility

Even though, rationally, there doesn't seem to be much to worry about, there's a voice in the back of my mind saying I'm going to be punished and punished severely for this. Punished for not doing the job I'm not supposed to do. People in my life seem to go "Challenge Accepted." when they hear "Not my problem." and move heaven and earth to make it my problem.

One of my psych evals (not sure when the occasion was), mentioned "Delusions of persecution." I believed I was uniquely cursed and guilty whether or not I deserved it. Is it really completely delusional when it's happened... multiple times?

In one of my previous jobs, a manager who had no connection to the situation or the customer I was dealing with wrote me up on the customer's say so. Went "Yes sir!" to the man with no authority over him. Another manager tried to make a case of forgetfulness (An item the customer wanted didn't get to them. It sat in a drawer until they came back.) a case of theft. Yet another manager tried to tell me I was the only one under her (out of 30 subordinates) that gave her grief. I was the only "bad apple" out of 30?

Let's go to the homefront, shall we? My father's contribution can be summed up this: I could cure cancer tomorrow and, in his eyes, I would be a heartless SOB for putting all those poor oncologists out of work. It's not just that I'm doing something "wrong." It has to be catastrophically wrong, malevolent and/or evil in some way.

It's taken a lot to get me out of this mindset, to not have to take notes out of fear some spiteful individual wants to try and make me pay, no matter the reality. It's nice to have the feeling my voice, my opinion carries weight. Not just my "confession."

I just want a fair shake and I hope this vent is much ado about nothing.

Sales is definitely a dog eat dog profession, and customer service is rough, too. Just keep doing the best job you can. If your boss remains accusatory and unsupportive, consider starting fresh sometime in another department or store. You may be right that you are being treated unfairly, but at the same time consider doing a couple things differently.

Im sorry you got wrote up, your not incontinent

@Soupe du jour
You misunderstand. My current job, daily stresses notwithstanding, is wonderful! My current boss is as much a 180 from those guys I mentioned as you can get.

It's just...I still hear those other voices in my head from time to time. Voices telling me that the other shoe will drop, even though there's no reason that will happen. It's like I was conditioned not just to expect the worst, but "know" the worst for me was coming and inevitable.

I try not to be so fatalistic, but some days it still comes.

@willowtigger

I certainly hope I'm not incontinent!

I know what you meant though. Thanks!

sorry alter corrupt on my phone has something wrong with it

It is hard not listening to the voices from the past telling your things that are not relevant to you today.
keep shaking the monkey on your back, off!
bizi

I want to say. You definitely are doing a great job shaking the monkey
as bizi says off your back. Keep it up. I admire you for all you have
done, to get through what you have done to get to were you are at.

Keep up the great work.

I'm Donna, And though we haven't meet I think we can and will
be good friends. I think you are doing great and wish I could figure
out how to bottle some of you and get my son to understand
how to function in some of your ways. Hope that does make sense.

He is bipolar and needs to function better at times.

Donna

@dmom3005
There are plenty of days where I feel I don't function at all, but thank you!

I can only speak for myself, but I've always found it helpful to stare my problems (mental health or otherwise) in the proverbial eyes. To see them from all angles. That way, my issues and feelings aren't some monster in the dark, but something with form, substance and dimension. If I give my manic and/or depressive thoughts substance and dimension, I have something specific to fight or dismantle or simply go around.

I think you are doing great!
keep up with your self preservations.
Did you get the 4th off today?
bizi