[insideoutsider]

Hi all,

I mostly spend my down time thinking non-stressful thoughts, pondering myself and others, situations, maybe researching something, watching a TV show and such.

What this amounts to for me is being in my head.

I don't want to end up preferring a fantasy world, but I have been diagnosed as dysthymic before bipolar which is a sort of constant, mild depression. I think what really had the doctor come to that conclusion is my first inpatient for depression, I admitted for the 1st time to someone, after digging deep into my memories, that when I was in elementary school, or small enough to be on my mom's lap, I casually told her during the fireworks of 4th of July that I'd be okay with killing myself. It was a calming feeling, however what I believe allow me to recall this was the feeling of being in this alone, as my mom didn't have a strong reaction. It was never talked about again, until my inpatient during college. The feeling/thought never totally went away, and being able to recall that actually made me a bit sad. Because although it wasn't really an intense situation, the fact that I was able to sit with that and still do, is sort of depressing in itself.

I don't want to live in my head. Sometimes or even often my head isnt fun. Sometimes quirky.

How could I better enjoy life's complexities and nuances in the moment to keep me out of my head? Without substances, which is a difficulty but I'm doing not bad so far

[Victoria'smom]

Coloring and other hobbies I have to concentrate on get me out of my head. Reading or listening to audiobooks may help. Something that's not passive but active. I do that when my anxiety is too much. I like physically coloring vs digital because it helps me. If you decide to color Amazon basics has a nice set in a tin case.

[insideoutsider]

Thanks, I'd bought a reverse coloring book from Amazon, tried it and got frustrated at how bad I was at trying to draw the lines even though there really is no correct answer

[Exoskeleton]

I can really relate to not wanting to spend so much time in your head. I definitely feel the same way. And I also spend way too much time online (sorry, you didn't actually say you spend too much time online, but I definitely do and I can relate to what you say about not wanting to live in a fantasy world, which is what online "life" is in many ways)

What helps me a lot is hiking. I have dogs and they make sure I go out walking every single day, rain or shine, whether I want to or not!

I'm lucky that I have easy access to a lot of nature very close to where I live, so that obviously helps a lot. I don't know where you live or if you live in a city, but I hope you can get to some beautiful natural place and just walk there and really try and pay attention to the birds and the insects and whatever plants or flowers might be blooming. Even though I'm still not very well mentally and emotionally, it really helps me to get outside every day and walk. It's the combination of movement and natural surroundings,. For me it wouldn't be the same walking in a city, it needs to be somewhere natural and preferably without too many other people. But cities have beautiful parks so if I did live in a city I would head there.

Anyhow, that's what helps me. Of course some places have harsh Winters and it's not always possible to hike every day, but I hope you are able to get outside a bit. I don't listen to music or anything, I like to listen to the natural sounds around me. I'm not a big meditation person at all, and I'm not really into mindfulness either, but there is a something I find very grounding about hiking. There is even a walking meditation you can try if you are into that, where you focus on the motion of your feet as you walk and the sensation of the ground beneath your feet etc. As I say, I'm not really into that, but I do truly enjoy paying attention to my surroundings when I am out in nature.

PS: I'm sure this goes without saying, but please always make sure that you are walking somewhere safe! And let someone know where you are going etc!

[Victoria'smom]

I suck at drawing/tracing. I'm going to try and learn but coloring I find calming. Also there's thinking tree books that are activity books for adults.

[insideoutsider]

Exoskeleton - almost on the verge of eerie how applicable your thoughts are. I'll definitely need to transition my street walks into nature walks. The latter I've always grown up with. Traveled distances to do, entire day trips. With my family. It slowly turned into, because of my situations, fairly dangerous walking. And I can't accurately explain: a huge amount of.

Luckily in the past year I've moved to, not the suburbs where I grew up, but the south shore just bordering a smaller city which I actually really enjoy. A little 'burbs feel, a little urb's feel, but yeah when you (kindly) suggest to get off the street, that's entirely possible and definitely great advice for me personally

Thank you for your reply. And yeah meditation, not sure - I sort of instinctually "meditate" in ways. Maybe you can relate there too. Music, oh lord, idk why I ever stopped, probably because I was in fight or flight for 7 or so years and thought being disconnected to the city was dangerous, but ever since I've accepted that my work environment is not paying off with my efforts to socialize I've been plugged in for 10 hours a day. With a break to eat and charge the buds.

Victoria'smom - maybe I shouldn't judge my art ability. Wow.. I'll need to dig deeper into thinking tree. Books I dabble with, journal prompts and online writing I dabble with, creative thinking I dabble with - sounds like an incredible interesting mix of them all but I'll need to do more research I was worried I'd lose my message if I opened a tab for too long. I understand that's a thing unfortunately

[iscreamparty]

I like to do certain types of mindfulness practices like yoga, walking meditations, deep breathing, and tai chi. Being around animals was good until I worked in an animal hospital, but I still like horses and seeing wild animals. Sometimes it's as simple as taking in your surroundings. Watch the clouds. Pick up a rock and really analyze every detail. Play some music and hyperfocus on one aspect like the changes in pitch of the rhythm guitar or the beat of the drums, or take it all in and try to manipulate your emotions with music that releases the negative or fills you with positive.

[insideoutsider]

I love the honing in on specifics in the music. Great idea. Taking in surroundings.

I need to slow down