Muddyboots's Miscellaneouses

I feel like I'm spamming the check-in threads again so here we go again because journaling just isn't enough.
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So my case manager just called because she was in and my therapist had told her how on Friday I was on the phone with her just crying for 40 minutes and then hanging up so she was a little concerned. She asked about the eating disorder treatment center and I said I didn't want to drive, and she said we would discuss more in-person tomorrow after pdoc appt. I have so much flipping anxiety over my pdoc appointment tomorrow; it'll be my first time seeing her in-person since I freaked out in her office and did some things. Now I have to admit I did more things When will I stop doing things lol? Anyways, my CW said if I got accepted into this sober living place they would hook me up with some nearby EDC.

I also looked up the place my therapist suggested that I said was too long of a drive, and, as it turns out, they have virtual, so now I don't have an excuse. The PHP is super intensive there are like 10 groups including having to eat an approved meal on camera with staff watching at a dining table in a group zoom chat which sounds awful.

so I hope I get accepted into this NH sober living place so I get to do in-person stuff because there is no way I am spending 6 consecutive hours in the middle of the day on the computer without getting up every five minutes or listening to music.

Anyway, I'm actually glad to be depressed (does that mean I'm not really depressed?) because I'm not manic/mixed anymore. Although it does actually suck. But it's better than the past 7 months. Stability? Pshh, overrated. Bring. On. The. Madness. (gonna write a song titled that and it's going to switch key signatures at least 4 times)